


hearts and bones

by hokaidos



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-05
Updated: 2017-04-05
Packaged: 2018-10-15 03:16:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 68,894
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10549148
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hokaidos/pseuds/hokaidos
Summary: Jongin swims to escape from the world— and then he meets the boy behind the camera.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> originally posted on my livejournal @ hokaidos.livejournal.com!

You take two bodies and you twirl them into one  
Their hearts and their bones  
And they won’t come undone  
\- Paul Simon

 

Jongin swims just as he always has. He lunges forward, his fingers digging into the water and pulling it apart. The left hand first, then the right. His toes remain pointed, his ankle relaxed, and he keeps moving forward, surrendering himself completely to the water. Getting lost in it. Feeling it consume him as his fingers slice an opening, sliding himself through. The front crawl has always been his favorite stroke; it’s the one with the least resistance, allowing himself to fully immerse himself in the water. Pull and push until they’re one.

That’s how swimming has always been for Jongin. Nothing beats the sensation of being submerged in water and kicking forward until the resistance lessens and the water accepts him as its own. It’s not so much extra training, he thinks, as much as it is healing after a weary day. When the familiar mosaic tiles pull into sight, Jongin reaches forward, pressing his palm into the solidness before rising.

It really does feel different when he’s in the water.

He glances at the clock and heaves himself out of the pool, pulling his swim cap and goggles off in one fluid movement as he heads for the shower. Water droplets cling on stubbornly to the ends of his hair and he shakes them off vigorously, then sweeps his damp hair back to keep them out of his eyes.

He grabs his towel when he’s done with his shower and dries himself half-heartedly. Even when he’s slipping his pants on, he’s still contemplating diving into the pool once more. He can just take another shower. He always wants to swim one more lap, even half will do, especially now when it’s late and the pool is empty and there’s no one pressuring him into swimming for a gold medal. No one telling him to watch his form, to swim 5 laps in 3-minute cycles, to stay ahead of everyone else. He’s free to swim however he wants and that is something that has been elusive since intensive training for the upcoming tournament started.

His hair is beyond damp but Jongin’s too exhausted to dry it properly. He gathers his stuff and heads for the locker room to retrieve his bag, dragging his feet along until he spots a silhouette in the distance and stops in his tracks. A chill runs down his spine. He stands there dumbly, squinting to get a better view in the dim lighting as his arms tightens around his toiletries and swim gear.

“Hello?” he calls, his voice echoing off the walls. The silhouette shifts and moves through the darkness until he can be seen in the light. It’s a human, that’s the most important fact. He’s in school uniform, the white top and gray pants enough to assure Jongin he’s not going to become a victim of a serial-killing spree.

Jongin’s not so scared anymore.

He notices the stranger holding on to a fancy camera, a DSLR if he can recall briefly from memory, something Chanyeol had once talked about getting during a phase when he was obsessed with photography. It didn’t last very long.

“What are you doing here?” he asks, shoulders relaxing.

The unidentified stranger raises his camera and Jongin waits for him to speak. A few long seconds pass before Jongin realizes that’s all the explanation he’s going to get for now. He takes a hesitant forward. The stranger mirrors his actions and Jongin stays where he is, waiting for the male to come to him. He gets a better view of the outsider when he’s halfway across the pool.

The stranger looked small from afar, but his build is also small close-up and Jongin’s guard dissolves entirely. This guy isn’t a threat, he can take him down if he needs to. The stranger’s gelled up hair draws attention to his wide and bright eyes. Clear skin, friendly eyes, cool camera. Looks just like an average guy.

“I’m sorry if I startled you,” are his first words to Jongin. “I thought the pool would be empty by now.”

Jongin scratches the back of his neck, a sudden wave of self-consciousness hitting him. “It’s supposed to be, yeah, I just wanted to do some extra swimming.”

The stranger stops a few feet before Jongin and nods. “I’m Kyungsoo,” he says. His voice is rather low but really warm and a tingling sensation creeps across the expanse of Jongin’s skin. It’s the same feeling he gets when he’s in the water.

“I’m Jongin,” he offers, feeling a little dazed just from the sound of his voice. “I’m um, a swimmer, obviously.”

Kyungsoo nods again and Jongin realizes his eyes aren’t wide open from surprise or fear, they just naturally are. Really wide, and really bright. “I’m from the photography club. I’m doing a project and I wanted some photos of the pool,” he explains and lifts his camera again.

“Oh.”

Jongin doesn’t think he knows anyone from the photography club because he mostly keeps to his own circle of friends, most of them athletes like him. He doesn’t even think he has seen Kyungsoo around in school. A complete stranger.

When he realizes Kyungsoo is still waiting for a fully-formed response, he tries to smile cordially. “Are you done taking your photos?”

“I just started taking them,” Kyungsoo admits. He looks at his camera and then at Jongin, as if waiting for some kind of affirmation. Jongin doesn’t know what to say.

“Do you want to, uh, continue taking them? It’s okay, you know, I just got startled earlier.”

Kyungsoo smiles back. “Yes. Thank you.”

The moment he gets Jongin’s permission, he grabs his DSLR camera and adjusts the lens, lifting it up to his face which disappears behind the device. Jongin’s instinct tells him to stay and so he does, watching Kyungsoo take his photos. For some reason, he just doesn’t want to leave the other male alone here. The pool is his private space, even more so now when it’s supposed to be empty and the moonlight is streaming in through the windows, so it’s only natural that he doesn’t want to leave somebody he barely knows alone in a place so important to him.

No.

That’s a lie.

It’s not because he feels uncomfortable about his private space being intruded by someone he doesn’t know that he’s staying, but because for some reason the photographer standing a few feet away from him gives him a familiar feeling of comfort. His voice is so nice and Jongin doesn’t feel the awkwardness he usually feels around new people. Here is someone who seems to have no problem blending in with the tranquility of this place and Jongin is intrigued— so intrigued he finds himself not minding the fact that he’s here.

When Kyungsoo is done taking his photos, he releases his camera and looks back at Jongin.

“Are you waiting for me to leave?”

“I.” Jongin starts to his eternal chagrin because his mind is a complete blank and he can’t think of what to say. No, he’s not exactly waiting, he’s just… What is he doing? “I.” He tries again, and fails again.

Kyungsoo smiles at him, but it’s one that seems superficial and for the sole purpose of politeness. “I’m done taking them, so I can leave now. Sorry again for scaring you.”

“It’s okay, really.” Good start, he tells himself. How very convincing.

“Okay.”

“Do you um— what kind of photos are you taking?”

It’s getting later with every passing second and Jongin has a pile of homework waiting to be done by tonight but strangely, he wants to prolong this. He doesn’t want to leave just yet.

If Kyungsoo is surprised by his sudden question, he doesn’t show it. “Just a personal project,” he says, “photos of random places.”

“Is this your first stop?”

The questions are coming easily now— Jongin doesn’t have to force any of them. He genuinely wants to know.

“No,” Kyungsoo tells him, and doesn’t reveal more.

He sees Kyungsoo’s gaze flit to the clock and is struck by a sudden anxiousness to say something else, to retain his attention and hear his voice just once more. It’s like the urge he always gets to dive back into the pool for just one more lap.

“If you uh, ever need a model or something, you can look for me. I mean, if you need photos of someone swimming. Since I’m, you know, on the swim team?”

He fucked it up. Jongin wants to dive into the pool and swim until he can’t remember what he just did. This is exactly why he doesn’t like interacting with people. He never knows what to say or do and just ends up making himself look stupid. But Kyungsoo doesn’t seem to share the same sentiments as his smile reaches his eyes, more genuine now.

“Thank you for that offer. I’ll look for you if I need anyone. It’s getting late, I think I should leave now.” Kyungsoo slides his fingers against the buttons on his camera as he talks, as if feeling the device beneath his fingertips gives him comfort. “Good bye,” he says, and leaves without a second glance.

He’s too far off when Jongin finally figures out that he wants to tell Kyungsoo he’ll see him around in school, so Jongin keeps it to himself and watches Kyungsoo disappear through the door.

His hair is almost dry now as he wraps his towel around his swim trunks and stuffs them into his bag alongside his toiletries. Kyungsoo. What a mysterious guy. He’s still thinking about him when he steps out of the school compound, the night quiet as his phone lights up with notifications from Jieun.

Jongin ignores those messages until he’s on the bus, and the strange feeling only starts to wear off when the school buildings fade from the background.

-

He had never seen Kyungsoo prior to their meeting at the pool, but now that they’re acquainted, Jongin sees him everywhere. Not that Jongin’s complaining about it because he finds that he really likes seeing him around.

Kyungsoo is a common sight now— he is arranging his stuff in the locker when Jongin walks down the hallway, he is sitting at the other end of the cafeteria when Jongin strolls in, long tuned out from the stupid squabble between Chanyeol and Sehun. There’s just something about Kyungsoo’s presence that makes him feel calm. Seeing his face makes his restless soul feel a little more at peace, though it comes in tandem with the urge to dive into the pool and swim through a million sunsets. There’s no other way to explain it. And today, Jongin catches Kyungsoo alone and in the midst of stuffing his books into his locker.

Having Chanyeol by his side makes him feel a little less awkward, so today Jongin waves for the first time and his gigantic friend is flabbergasted.

“Who is that?” he asks Jongin, his long fingers wrapping around his shoulder in a bid for attention.

Jongin tries to shrug off the weight of his hand. “That’s Kyungsoo,” he murmurs distractedly, smiling when Kyungsoo looks at him, stunned, then waves back tentatively.

“No, like who is that?” Chanyeol doesn’t relent, digging his nails into Jongin’s shoulder. Jongin elbows him and swings his arm around his neck, cuffing him.

“Why are you so curious?”

It’s difficult keeping Chanyeol down in a headlock because of the height advantage he has over him but he tries anyway until Chanyeol struggles out of his grasp, laughing obnoxiously

“It takes you forever to make a new friend!”

Jongin glances back furtively. Kyungsoo doesn’t seem to have heard anything. He elbows Chanyeol again before replying with a hushed “I don’t know if we’re actually friends”, hoping that’s enough to shut Chanyeol up.

It doesn’t. Chanyeol leans down slightly, his smile so wide it makes him look a little creepy.

“How did you meet him?”

 

Jongin doesn’t meet his eyes. “He came to the pool to take photographs.”

“And?”

“That’s all.”

“Jongin!” Chanyeol calls out dramatically, throwing one arm around Jongin’s shoulders as he fake-sobs into the other hand. “You’re growing up, Jongin. My babies grow up so quickly.”

The coast is clear when Jongin glances back again, worried Kyungsoo might somehow overhear their weird conversation. He takes this moment to reconsider his friendship with Chanyeol. A very questionable friendship just bloomed out of nowhere after Chanyeol decided Jongin would be his siamese twin during trainings, and even though he appreciates Chanyeol’s presence in his life most of the time, today is definitely not one of those days.

“You’re fucking crazy, you know that?”

“Nah, dude, I’m just happy seeing you meet new people. You keep to yourself too much. You don’t even talk to people.”

“That’s not true,” Jongin protests weakly, unconvinced of it himself. He pushes Chanyeol into the classroom first in hope that he’ll spot someone else who can distract him, then takes the empty seat in the last row. His friend flops down beside him with a wacky grin and fortunately, doesn’t take the opportunity to make anymore digs at him.

It’s easy to forget most things after that, forget about the stuffy classroom he’s in, forget about Chanyeol’s cheeky smiles and playfulness, but it’s not so easy to forget about his words.

The only reason why Jongin is attached is because Jieun confessed first. He didn’t know how to reject her and his friends were convinced of her sweet nature (read: appearance) at that time, so they ended up dating. Is he in love with Jieun? Jongin still doesn’t have an answer to that, not that it really bothers him now. He is just going with the flow at this point. It’s true what Chanyeol said. Jongin doesn’t know how to approach people, much less try to build a friendship with them. But he has never particularly minded it until now.

He has never been one to approach others first, so why is it that he just wants to talk to Kyungsoo, wants to get to know him, wants to just push forward blindly simply because he feels like it?

He just really, really, really wants to be friends with Kyungsoo. Actual friends.

-

It’s a humid day, the air saturated and Jongin doesn’t know why he’s out on such a warm day. All he knows is that he had somehow let the guilt (and Sehun) talk him into asking Jieun out on a Saturday even though he’s already way behind his deadlines for all of his assignments.

He waits at their usual spot on the bridge, gazing down at the stream and feeling his muscles ache with desire. The temptation to jump over and dive into the water gnaws at him and for a moment Jongin contemplates it seriously. It doesn’t look too shallow and it’s a warm day, what can he possibly lose from doing that? But then he remembers it’s not normal behaviour for people to randomly dive into streams and he’s kinda on a date, so he bids his short-lived fantasy farewell and turns his back to the water.

Strangers stroll past him leisurely, some alone, some with a significant other, and Jongin waits with his hands in his pockets and back against the railings. All he can do is pray that Jieun will arrive soon. He has learnt to cultivate his patience and people-watching skills as a result of her consistent tardiness, and once again, his life is frozen right now as he watches people come and go before him.

Then he sees him.

Jongin doesn’t call out to him instantly. He stares harder at the approaching figure until he can be absolutely sure he has the right person, and smiling for the first time since he woke up, yells “Kyungsoo!” while waving his hands.

It is Kyungsoo at the end of the bridge. He startles, evidently not having caught sight of Jongin yet, and when he does, his shoulders relax into a slight slouch. He waves back, but doesn’t make any attempt to increase his pace. While waiting for the distance between them to be closed, Jongin takes in the sight of Kyungsoo in a graphic T-shirt and grey Nike sweatpants, the familiar DSLR camera slung around his neck.

“What are you doing here?” he asks when Kyungsoo comes within hearing range, and the smaller male lifts his camera again, like he did the first time they met. It was supposed to be a rhetorical question because Jongin didn’t know how else he could start a conversation, but Kyungsoo’s serene face soon makes him forget about his lousy technique.

“I think I’m just going to walk around for a bit and take some photographs,” Kyungsoo says anyway. His voice sounds especially warm this morning and Jongin gets the urge to dive into the stream again. He blinks it away, wondering what’s gotten into him all of a sudden.

“Do you come here often?”

“Not really.”

Jongin wants to know more, but Kyungsoo is standing three feet away in the middle of the path, a hindrance to people crossing the bridge. Despite that, it’s really for his own sake when he reaches out for Kyungsoo’s arm and pulls him in so they’re standing side by side against the railings instead. Otherwise, Kyungsoo might have said goodbye too early for his liking. He doesn’t like it when Kyungsoo looks like he’s about to leave anytime.

Those were the only thoughts on his mind when he made the spontaneous decision to pull Kyungsoo in, so the warmth of Kyungsoo’s arm catches him off-guard as his fingers curls around his forearm. The tingling sensation starts at the tips of his fingers and courses through his veins at full-speed. Jongin vaguely wonders if this is what it feels like to be struck by lightning.

“So what are you doing here?” Kyungsoo’s question breaks his daze and jerks him back to his senses. Jongin blinks slowly. They’re on the bridge, it’s a warm day, and he can’t quite recall why he’s here anymore. Did he come here to meet Kyungsoo? No, that isn’t it.

“I,” Jongin begins, hoping that he’ll remember as he speaks. “I, um, oh right, I came to meet Jieun.” A dreadful feeling fills him when Jieun’s name leaves his lips. It’s the same feeling he gets when he doesn’t meet his coach’s target for his 100m lap and he has to tell him so. He doesn’t know why he doesn’t quite want to let Kyungsoo know that he’s on a date with his girlfriend.

Kyungsoo seems completely unruffled by his answer, uncaring, even. His face is blank as usual. Jongin can’t read him, and it’s what intrigues him the most. What is Kyungsoo thinking?

“Is she late?”

Small-talk. Jongin can only play along. He glances down at his watch though he already knows the answer to that.

“Yeah, a little late. But I’m used to it now.”

What’s different instead is that today, he doesn’t feel annoyed at all. He looks at Kyungsoo and thinks maybe it’s because he has someone to talk to while waiting.

“Are you gonna take photos of the bridge?”

Kyungsoo seems a little surprised by his question. His expression changes, eyebrows raising slightly.

“I guess I can,” he mutters, and decides on it as he lifts the camera to his face. The shutter clicks.

“Do you usually take photos of people or places?”

Kyungsoo takes his time mulling over that question, eyes trained on the scenery before him.

“Places, I guess. I only like taking photos of people when they’re oblivious to the camera. Catching them off-guard. They’re a little different when they’re not posing for the camera.”

They’re on the bridge and he’s waiting for Jieun, Jongin has to remind himself again as his heartbeat seems to dull and slow down a little. It’s humid, the air is saturated, and Kyungsoo’s voice is slicing sharply through it. He has all of Jongin’s attention. Every single ounce of it.

“That’s really cool,” Jongin hears himself say.

Kyungsoo reacts by lifting the camera to his face again, turning to face Jongin, and the shutter clicks before Jongin can react. Kyungsoo’s lips seem to curl slightly as he checks the photo, or Jongin might be dreaming about it.

“Do I look good?” Jongin asks with a chuckle, though his cheeks are heating up and his heart seems to be going into overdrive. He has never been comfortable in front of a camera, and having one thrust in his face so suddenly is way out of his comfort-zone. But since there’s no way to undo what just happened, Jongin can only hope that he looks at least decent in the photograph.

Kyungsoo really smiles this time when he examines his camera screen again. His smile is modest, and Jongin relishes in that sight because it doesn’t come very often. In that moment, he wishes he was the one with the camera instead, so he can immortalize this fleeting moment of beauty. Instead, all he can do is lock it in his memory and hope it stays there.

“You look fine,” Kyungsoo assures him, but Jongin isn’t very convinced.

“Let me see it!”

“No.”

“Why not?”

Kyungsoo swats his hand away when he tries to reach for the camera.

“I don’t—”

“Jongin!”

They turn at the same time to see Jieun brisk-walking towards them, looking fresh and pretty in a dainty yellow dress. She beams brightly at him and Jongin is thinking about how it seems to pale in comparison to the one Kyungsoo had offered him just a moment ago. He smiles back anyway, a reflex.

Then he remembers that Kyungsoo is beside him and looks at him, wondering how Kyungsoo is going to react. Is this where they part? He watches carefully for any change in expression, but Kyungsoo’s face remains absolutely blank. Too engrossed in Kyungsoo’s face, Jongin doesn’t even notice when Jieun grabs his arm.

Their eyes meet.

“I’ll be on my way then. Have fun on your date.”

He doesn’t wait for a response before walking away, just like that night in the pool, and Jongin stares after him until Jieun tugs at his arm, and suddenly it’s not wide eyes and a blank face he’s staring at anymore but sharp features and a pointed nose.

“Who is that?”

“That’s Kyungsoo,” Jongin tells her. “A friend, my friend.”

“He didn’t even say hi to me,” Jieun says with a pout, but it’s obvious she doesn’t really care because her face lightens into a childlike grin right afterwards and she pulls Jongin along with her, starting a long-awaited date.

They’re on the bridge and the person he’s waiting for is finally here, Jongin has to remind himself as he falls into step with her, so why does he feel disappointed for some reason? Maybe because he never got to see the photo, he reasons, and the day slows when Kyungsoo’s face comes into mind. It stays right there, and even when the day explodes into vitality and a flurry of activities, Jongin’s mind won’t stop replaying the click of the shutter and the smile that came after.

At the end of the day when he returns home and collapses onto his bed, exhausted, he can’t recall a single thing he did with Jieun at the park, only the boy behind the camera and his lovely smile.

-

“Nicely done, Jongin.”

Sehun slaps his back as he heaves himself out of the pool, pulling his goggles and swim cap off together. He takes a moment to steady his breathing then checks the frozen digits on the stopwatch, tossing a grin at Sehun.

Covering 100m in barely 49 seconds is indeed nicely done. He lets that compliment seep in. Now he just needs to focus on getting even better so he can win at the tournament.

He shakes his head wildly, flinging off water droplets. Sehun is still watching him after he wipes his face dry.

“What?”

“Nothing.”

Jongin sighs. “It’s late. You should go.”

“I heard you made a new friend.”

His voice is brimming with curiosity. Jongin wraps his towel around himself.

“I did,” he tells Sehun. “Why are you and Chanyeol so obsessed with that?”

“Who is he? Do I know him? How’s he like?”

Kyungsoo’s face surfaces in his mind. He fumbles for the right words, thinking about the tranquility of his presence, the warmth of his voice, and the perpetual blankness of his face even when he’s thinking of a million things like on the day they ran into each other on the bridge. How difficult it is to guess what he’s thinking, to even attempt to. And Jongin realizes he doesn’t quite know how to describe his new friend; he can’t come up with the right words to talk about what he’s like.

“He’s cool,” he settles on that description, aware that Kyungsoo is possibly so much more than just that.

Chanyeol is lively. Sehun is funny. Jieun is pretty. What about Kyungsoo? What is he?

“It’s just that you rarely get out of your shell, you know, we’re proud of you.”

The smug smile slips off Sehun’s face when Jongin whacks him with his damp towel.

“You really should go,” Jongin says as firmly as he can, staying rooted to where he stands three feet away from the pool with his goggles and swim cap still dripping wet in his grasp. He’s thinking about being alone in the pool and swimming without having to care about winning. He just wants to be in the water.

Sehun yawns widely and nods, stretching his arms as he walks towards the locker room in his T-shirt and shorts. He has never been one to stay after training hours for extra practice.

“Thanks for today, dickhead!” Jongin shouts after him affectionately. Sehun raises a middle finger at him when he reappears with his bag in tow and leaves, taking large strides towards the door.

Jongin, now alone, regards the pool. The glistening water casts restless shadows on the walls, an artwork that’s very much alive. It’s nights like this when he feels at peace with his soul; when the world is quiet and there’s no one else who can reach him the moment he dives into the water. He wants to feel it wrapped around him, but then he realizes there’s another way he can do that, with another comforting presence he has found only recently.

The sound of his footsteps is a jarring contrast to the splash he thought he would hear diving into the pool after he’s alone again. He wrings his swim cap dry and takes a quick shower, falling into the routine of washing up after training. Then he locks up the place.

It’s late and he really shouldn’t be expecting the person he’s looking for to still be around, but all the thoughts streaming through his mind are beyond his control as he jogs down a flight of stairs and walks down the hallway, steering left, and arrives before the photography club room.

The door is shut before him, but there’s light filtering through the gap underneath and Jongin’s palms are clammy when he locks his fingers around the doorknob. He waits until his hesitation spools loose enough for him to twist it open.

He has never been in the photography club room, and it’s an unfamiliar sight that grazes his eyes; whitewashed walls and tall stools, a DSLR camera sitting at the edge of a rustic wooden table and developed photographs strewn across its surface. Kyungsoo’s familiar face is a pleasant change and his eyes are wide with alertness as he absorbs the sight of Jongin in a hoodie and sweatpants, hair still damp from his hurried shower.

“Hi,” Jongin breaks into a smile, his body heavy with exhaustion all of a sudden and he leans against the doorframe for support.

“What are you doing here?”

There it comes again. The wave of his voice. The warmth. The comfort. The quietness. Everything comes together to make him feel at peace with the world at this moment.

“I was um, passing by and I saw the light still on so I thought I’d come and say hi.” He’s shit at lying and his only hope of salvation is not giving Kyungsoo enough time to unravel his messy little lie, so he continues quickly with “what are you still doing here?”

There’s no way Jongin could have possibly been just passing by when the club room is located all the way at the end of the desolate hallway. Is that what Kyungsoo has figured out? Jongin watches him nervously, wondering what’s going through his mind. He can read most people easily, some because they’re an open book, others because Jongin is just sensitive about things like that, but Kyungsoo is completely shut off from him. He’s like a cordoned off area, and the more distant he is, the more Jongin wants to find out what’s behind this boy who spikes his interest.

Even if Kyungsoo has figured out he’s lying, he doesn’t expose him. “I’m just tying up some loose ends.” There he goes again. Answering questions, but barely. Toeing the boundaries. Addressing the surface, but not really covering what’s essential.

Jongin makes a show of looking at his watch. “It’s almost 9pm.”

Kyungsoo shrugs loosely, a picture of disinterest. “I live nearby, so it’s fine if I leave a little later.” He drops his gaze, fixating his attention on whatever he has at hand. Jongin tiptoes in an attempt to get a better view because he doesn’t know if it’s polite to go in right now when Kyungsoo hasn’t really extended an invitation to him, and he sees Kyungsoo hunched over an A3-sized paper covered with splotches of colours.

All he wanted to do was come and see if Kyungsoo was around⸺ he didn’t think of anything beyond that, not considerations like whether he’ll find him alone or if they’ll have anything to talk about. Now that he’s here, he realizes these considerations are due more importance than what he offered. 

In the end, it’s Kyungsoo who saves him. “What about you? Why are you still in school at this time?”

“I was swimming,” says Jongin. The adrenaline from breaking his personal record earlier rushes through him again at the memory of it and he’s feeling a lot braver when he steps into the room, no longer concerned about politeness and decorum. Screw that. He has a better view of what Kyungsoo is doing now. His fingers are caked with dried paint, an iridescent mess of colours on the palette before him. “What is that?”

“I wanted to make a nice background for my photos but I don’t think it’s going very well.” And then Kyungsoo actually laughs. His lips stretches and his eyes lift into shimmering crescents. “Oh well.”

“It looks great to me,” Jongin tells him, referring to both his background and smile.

Kyungsoo just shakes his head. “Never mind. It’s probably time I start packing up too. I totally lost track of time.”

Silence dominates them after that as Jongin derives entertainment from watching Kyungsoo bustle around, stacking his materials and dumping his palette into the sink Jongin hadn’t noticed was at the corner. He looks around the room. It’s rather lacking in space, but there’s a window right beside the sink and it doesn’t feel so enclosed with the night breeze streaming in and Kyungsoo moving around in this little room with colourful fingers and his uniform all rumpled.

“It’s a nice place,” he ends up blurting out.

“It is,” Kyungsoo agrees. “I mostly have it to myself now.”

“Why?”

“There aren’t many people left in the photography club,” says Kyungsoo, but Jongin wonders if he should say anything about that— then decides against it because Kyungsoo doesn’t seem sad about it anyway. “And the members rarely use this room anyway, so it’s pretty much all mine.”

“You’re lucky,” Jongin tells him and takes another step forward, trailing his fingers along the table. “I wish I had the pool to myself all the time.”

Then silence falls between them again. The noise of the running tap fills that gray space as Kyungsoo tries to scrub his palette clean. Jongin watches him struggle, not really minding the lack of conversation between them because it’s nice like this too. He looks at the photographs before him, of trees and empty streets and buildings. These must belong to Kyungsoo. It would be a lie to say he can fully appreciate them because Jongin has never really been into photography, but even to his inexperienced eyes, the good quality is undoubtable. He tries looking for the one Kyungsoo took of him on the bridge, but it must be somewhere else instead (he hopes it hasn’t been deleted). Maybe he’ll ask him about it another day.

It’s been a while since he’s been in the presence of anyone he feels like he has to constantly talk to, so Kyungsoo’s natural quietness isn’t all that unwelcomed. In fact, Jongin finds comfort in not having to think about what to say when they’re not talking, especially right now when it’s been a long day and he’s tired.

When Kyungsoo has finished packing all of his stuff, he looks at Jongin.

“I’m sorry about the pool. You can come over here if you want to.”

It surprises Jongin who hadn’t been expecting any response to that statement. “I’ll take you up on that offer,” he chirps, maybe a little too enthusiastically, because Kyungsoo stares hard at him before looking away.

“It’s nothing,” he mutters.

“Do you want a ride home? I drove to school today.”

“It’s fine, my house is only 10 minutes away.”

Jongin follows after him and waits until he’s done locking up before trying again. Because Kyungsoo is so difficult to read, it’s virtually impossible to tell whether he’s just trying to be polite or if he genuinely doesn’t want it.

“It’ll still save you some time.”

Any pain of rejection is washed away by the sight of Kyungsoo smiling at him as they fall into step, strolling down the dim hallway that would have looked like something straight out of a horror movie if he was alone. It doesn’t seem so dim anymore with Kyungsoo smiling beside him.

“It’s really okay, I like walking home.”

Jongin doesn’t ask again. They leave the building together, talking a little about school and random stuff, and the carpark is too sickeningly near— their goodbyes come a little too quickly for Jongin’s liking. Even though it was all small-talk, he really enjoyed talking to Kyungsoo against the soothing backdrop of the quiet night.

“See you soon,” Kyungsoo tells him, gives him a little wave and the side-gate has the pleasure of possessing his attention afterwards. Jongin walks as slowly as he possibly can to his car so he can watch Kyungsoo until he vanishes from sight.

The engine roars into life when Jongin jabs his key in. He sinks into the backrest of his seat and slowly shuts his eyes, a long sigh easing through his lips as he does. A couple of minutes pass in his stillness and when he has rested enough to take on the world again, he hums the entire journey back home. The gates swing open and he stops right outside the entrance instead of parking in the garage, illuminating the walls with the headlights. His dad might yell at him for parking there tomorrow but he can’t bring himself to bother right now.

All he can think about is the euphoria of breaking his personal record today even though Sehun was the only one around to see it, as well as the way he ended his night. He flicks the headlights off, and the world goes dark when he thinks about colourful fingers and tight smiles.

-

It has become a new routine now; staying back after training for a few extra laps and then making his way over to the photography club room to look for the boy with the quiet charm. Jongin likes stability. He likes falling into something sustainable, and Kyungsoo is starting to become a constant in his life even though he still can’t say that they’re close yet. At least not as close as he is to Chanyeol.

Today Kyungsoo is fiddling with his camera when Jongin pushes open the door, his body still buzzing with energy from being in the water. He glances up at Jongin and nods in acknowledgement. Nowadays, he doesn’t give the same surprised look he used to when Jongin comes over anymore, even though he was the one who granted Jongin permission to come around if he wanted to in the first place.

It’s later than usual and Jongin isn’t expecting to stay in the club room for much longer since he’s really just here to see Kyungsoo and leave the school with him, or at least escort him as far as he can because Kyungsoo still refuses to accept a ride home. Jongin knows it’s nothing personal. He completely believes him when Kyungsoo says it’s because he likes walking home.

He hops onto the tall stool and rests his chin on a clenched fist, musing. The tournament is drawing closer and he’s been spending so much more time at the pool. He still has lunch with Jieun at least twice a week to make up for that, so there’s nothing much he feels guilty about except maybe these secret nightly visits even his friends don’t know about.

It’s not anything sordid or shameful, but he just doesn’t want to tell anyone about it. Not because he’s embarrassed or anything, but simply because he wants to keep his growing friendship with Kyungsoo between the two of them. Nobody else has to know.

“You look tired.” It’s been two weeks since Jongin first stepped into this small room with the whitewashed walls and a mysterious owner, and Kyungsoo has certainly grown arguably comfortable around him. His concern makes Jongin smile.

“I am,” Jongin confirms, “training was satanic.”

He regrets those words the moment they leave his lips, because shit, Kyungsoo is going to ask him to leave first and he can’t possibly tell him he wants to rest in his presence. If he can be granted with any superpower right now, it would be the ability to manipulate time. He wants to stop time, hold it here, and avoid Kyungsoo’s response until he has gotten enough of his daily Kyungsoo dose.

But Kyungsoo’s response isn’t what he expected. “I’m done,” he says, setting his camera aside. “We can go now.”

Jongin really is less comfortable in his own skin on land. His reaction time is flawless in the water, but now he has to take a long moment to slowly digest Kyungsoo’s words. It proves to be worth the wait. They taste sweet as he rolls them over on his tongue. He really feels like they’ve grown a lot closer.

He gets up when Kyungsoo leans over to pick up a sealed cardboard box that’s heavy-looking and broader than he is. It’s instinctive when he extends his arms to help, but Kyungsoo shakes his head and Jongin leaves it at that.

“What’s in that box?” he asks, curiosity thick in his tone.

“Stuff,” says Kyungsoo, and Jongin can only laugh because really, he should have expected it.

“Alright. Want a ride home?”

That’s also part of the routine, and an offer Kyungsoo has turned down every single time, but today he nods wordlessly and follows after Jongin (probably because the prospect of walking home with such a bulky item isn't desirable to anyone no matter how short the journey is). They walk in silence to the carpark, tired from a long day in school and Jongin is contemplating asking Kyungsoo about the brunet he has seen hanging around him in the cafeteria a couple of times over the past few weeks when the incessant vibration in his pocket jerks him back to reality.

He reaches into his pocket for his phone and answers it without checking who the call is from.

“Hello?

Jieun’s voice transcends space and into his ear. “Jongin, are you still in school?”

“I’m just about to leave, what’s up?”

“Can you drive me home? I stayed back for extra practice today and I’m just about to leave too.”

Kyungsoo is standing by his side patiently, still holding on to his cardboard box when Jongin glances at him and realizes what Jieun is asking of him. He probably wasn’t subtle enough because Kyungsoo looks at him too, and when their eyes meet, all irrelevant noises fade into static for a second.

“Is something wrong?” Kyungsoo asks softly.

There they are, standing in the middle of the carpark with a spread of stars above them and Jongin has to make a decision. He gazes at Kyungsoo. The sight of a small figure with his arms wrapped around something big and bulky is so endearing he momentarily forgets that he’s still on the phone with Jieun.

There never was a decision to make.

When Jongin speaks, it’s not to Kyungsoo, but into the phone. “I’ll send my friend home first then pick you up, okay? Just give me 10 minutes.”

They can carpool, but he just doesn’t want to. Jieun’s probably confused as well as she asks, “is it Sehun?”

“It’s not,” Jongin has to force himself to say, and hurriedly ends the conversation with “I’ll see you later” before hanging up.

“It’s okay,” Kyungsoo informs him when Jongin slips his phone back into his pocket. “I can just walk home.”

Jongin ignores that. He presses down on the switch and his volkswagen beeps welcomingly. “Get in the car,” he tells Kyungsoo, vaguely registering that it’s the first time he has ever gone against Kyungsoo.

But it’s not anything he feels bad about as he watches Kyungsoo pull the door close, fumbling slightly in the dark until he manages to buckle the seatbelt. Jongin waits for him to get a firm grip on his cardboard box before he steps on the pedal and the world outside of school rushes forward to meet them.

“Directions to your house?”

Kyungsoo doesn’t look at him, only keeps his eyes on the road before them. “Turn left at the junction.”

They remain like this for the entire ride that doesn’t last more than 10 minutes, with Kyungsoo’s quiet voice guiding him and eventually arrive at the suburban house Kyungsoo refers to as his nest. It looks just like any other suburban house as the headlights sweep across bricked walls and steps leading up to the front door, and Kyungsoo has already unbuckled his seatbelt when Jongin finishes surveying the house.

“Is everyone asleep?” he asks, noticing that all of the windows are dark.

“Probably no one at home,” Kyungsoo tells him, and even though there’s completely nothing to indicate that he feels sad about it, Jongin heart aches dully. The thought of Kyungsoo returning to an empty house overflowing with darkness just makes him want to stay here until he isn’t alone anymore, but then Jieun is waiting for him and Jongin’s eyebrows lock into a deep frown. “Thanks for the ride home.”

Do you want to hang out until someone gets home is what he is aching to ask, but “no problem” is what he says.

Kyungsoo struggles a little getting out of the car with the box he’s holding. When he’s properly out, he bends down and offers Jongin “good night” and a small smile before the door clicks shut and Kyungsoo’s small frame gets caught in the headlights. He doesn’t look back until he’s pulling the front door open, and when he does, it’s to smile at Jongin again before the white grained door steals him away from his sight.

Jongin, too, doesn’t leave until the lights flicker on and the house doesn’t look so lonely anymore. He reverses out of the driveway, the wheels screeching against the gravel and retraces his path back to school, but with a heavy heart.


	2. Chapter 2

Jongin is squatting by the edge of the pool when Chanyeol surfaces with heaving shoulders. He takes a look at Jongin and lifts his goggles, jutting out his chin.

“How was it?”

“Better,” Jongin tells him with a smile. “But you can afford to watch your form.”

His palms lands heavily on the water surface with a wet plop. “I can already feel the weight of the gold medal,” Chanyeol says before he lets himself fall backwards into the water again. Cool droplets reach Jongin’s skin and it’s a natural gravitation he succumbs to when he dives into the water as well.

“Maybe we should have signed up for the medley relay after all.” Chanyeol muses aloud, watching Jongin’s entire body relax visibly as he floats in the water.

For a long time Jongin doesn’t respond, and when he does, his muscles are seized with tension. “We’re better suited for individual events. And we don’t have the perfect team. Definitely not Zitao.”

His arrogance had been the determining factor even though that kid had skills. He was better off in an individual event, like the rest of them. Still, Chanyeol draws out a long sigh.

“He wasn’t the only breaststroke swimmer.”

“The rest aren’t good enough,” is reasoned in a firm voice and that signals the end of discussion.

Chanyeol heaves himself out of the pool and sits along the edge with his legs dipped in the water, taking his time to cool down after a day of tedious training while Jongin turns over in the water and thrusts his fingers forward. It feels a little weird not starting off with dolphin kicks and it’s more difficult to gain momentum, but it doesn’t really matter when nobody’s timing him and he’s just swimming for pleasure.

He covers a 100m lap leisurely, and when he surfaces where Chanyeol is, his gigantic friend is looking down at him with a wide grin.

“Are you sure you don’t want to become a professional swimmer?”

The clock lets him know it’s 8.30PM when Jongin looks over his shoulder and he shakes his head, heaving himself out of the pool. He leaves Chanyeol where he is and heads towards the changing room, anxious to avoid this topic.

He knows he’s good, but that’s not why he swims. It’s not for a world record or a gold medal. Jongin swims simply because he feels free when he’s in the water. It feels like he’s in an entirely different universe whenever he’s submerged, and his body buzzes with an indescribable kind of energy. Achievements such as swimming for competition and gold medals are what professional swimming has in store for him, and Jongin doesn’t know if that’s what he wants.

Is it even possible to find a balance between swimming because he likes it, and swimming to win?

“Get your ass home, Chanyeol, you know you’re gonna get sent to detention if you don’t finish your assignment by tomorrow.”

The running water from the showerhead drowns out all noises after that. Jongin spreads cleansing foam around his face and plunges back under the showerhead. The door to the cubicle beside his slams shut just as Jongin turns off the showerhead and Chanyeol’s deep voice reaches him before he can leave.

“Are you going to the party tomorrow?”

“Yifan’s party? Nah, I don’t think so.”

“But dude, it’s gonna be a really big party. Everyone’s going.”

He wraps the towel around his head and bends over, stretching his muscles. “I don’t like parties,” he tells Chanyeol even though he’s already well aware of that fact, and somehow thinks of Kyungsoo whom he presumes doesn’t like parties either. Or maybe he does? Jongin wipes his hair dry and stretches one last time. He’ll go and ask him right now.

“See you tomorrow, Chanyeol.”

The showerhead goes off and Chanyeol makes a weird gurgling noise. “You’re not gonna wait for me?” he yells, and Jongin can picture that wide-eyed, shell-shocked expression when he sprints out of the changing room and grabs his bag from the locker and doesn’t stop running until he’s on the fourth floor where he knows a light at the end of the hallway is waiting for him. It’s not that he’s deliberately trying to avoid Chanyeol, but he doesn’t want to break his routine nor does he want to let Chanyeol meet Kyungsoo yet, Chanyeol who might be too loud and overbearing for the quiet and mysterious Kyungsoo. He usually leaves with Sehun before Jongin does, but Sehun left early today for his sister’s birthday dinner, and all Jongin can offer as apology for not taking Sehun’s place is guilt that quickly fades from his mind when he walks towards where he knows he will find Kyungsoo.

As expected, there is soft light flitting through the gap beneath the door at the end of the hallway. Jongin doesn’t understand why he feels the need to pause for a moment and inhale a deep breath before he twists the doorknob gently. The door creaks open, giving way to a secret world.

Instead of a figure hunched over a camera or some photographs, Jongin is met with the sight of Kyungsoo sprawled across the table, asleep.

He stops where he is, and when his senses return, he closes the door softly, making his way towards the table stealthily. His usual stool is not tucked under the table like other stools, looking almost as though it was left there just for him, and Jongin finds that he doesn’t really mind thinking that way when he settles comfortably onto it.

Kyungsoo’s face is inclined towards him, his eyes shut peacefully and fringe in strands across his forehead. The same quiet aura feels intensified in his state of sleep. Jongin watches him as he always has until he realizes the staring is borderline creepy. Then he straightens up and looks around the little room, wondering if he should wake Kyungsoo up before it gets too late.

The full moon tonight is visible through the open window and Jongin decides against rousing Kyungsoo from his slumber when he spots the orb of yellow light, so cold and beautiful in all of its glory. It only adds on to the lull of the night, leaving Jongin dangerously close to sleep himself. Thus, he pulls out his assignments from his backpack and starts on them, his concentration easy to conjure in this silence.

He’s nearly halfway through when Kyungsoo rouses on his own, hopefully not by the scritching of his pen on the paper. All of his attention is redirected towards Kyungsoo in a single instant, catching the moment of his awakening. Kyungsoo’s eyes are slightly squinted, his brows knotted into a frown, and he blinks away the confusion as he sits up. There are little indents on the side of his face and a red mark on his cheek from being pressed against the table for god knows how long, and Jongin doesn’t really understand what’s going on this time too when his heart starts to thud a little faster.

The sight of Jongin doesn’t do much to ease Kyungsoo’s confusion, until the fog of sleep clears and he remembers where he is. “Oh,” he whispers hoarsely, “what time is it?”

“9.35pm,” Jongin responds, his heart in sync with the tick-tock rhythm of his analog watch.

Kyungsoo’s gaze turns distant upon his reply, seemingly trying to recall something. He sighs when he breaks out of his trance and rubs his face. “It was a long nap,” he reveals, and Jongin doesn’t even realize that he’s smiling.

“Was it a good one?”

Kyungsoo affirms it with a nod and stretches lazily.

“Do you want to stay here or?”

Jongin glances at his assignment and shrugs uncaringly. “It’s totally up to you. Is there anything else you want to do or do you want to go home now?”

Kyungsoo contemplates for a long second. “I guess I can stay here for a while more. Doubt I’m gonna get much sleep tonight after the nap I took.”

Maybe his sleepiness hasn’t entirely dissolved, Jongin thinks as he notes that Kyungsoo is being less reticent than usual. His replies are longer and more detailed too, not that Jongin is complaining. They’re behaving more like friends now instead of familiar strangers. He thinks he’s just starting to get to know Kyungsoo and there’s so much more he wants to know.

“Sure thing. It’s Friday anyway, we can stay as late as we want to.”

Kyungsoo lifts his backpack to his laps, digging around for something.

“Are you going to the party tomorrow?”

Jongin looks at him, now remembering he had wanted to ask Kyungsoo about it too. “Are you going?”

“Baekhyun wants me to go with him.”

“Baekhyun?”

Kyungsoo frowns, completely forgetting what he has at hand. “My friend.”

“Oh, the brunet?”

The frown eases. “Yes.” He must have not known how to describe Baekhyun to Jongin.

Now Jongin has a name to match that face to. He has seen Baekhyun hanging around Kyungsoo on a number of occasions, so he has figured out that they must be on rather friendly terms by now. And for some unknown reason, that irritates him a little. Just a teeny weeny bit.

“I’m going too,” he announces, as if that decision had been made since Yifan first extended that invitation to the entire level, and as if he hadn’t just firmly told Chanyeol he wasn’t less than an hour ago.

“Okay,” says Kyungsoo. The conversation dies again as he finds his assignment and the rest is silence while the two boys trudge through the tedium of calculus.

It’s an hour later when Jongin finally finishes his assignment and he looks at Kyungsoo only to realize he’s already at the second last problem despite having started much later than Jongin did. He eyes him intensely, though he isn’t really surprised, and doesn’t have to be a genius to know Kyungsoo probably is very smart. He seems to be the type to give his all in everything he does.

When Kyungsoo finishes his final question, he turns away and yawns.

“Sleepy already? Didn’t someone say he wouldn’t be getting much sleep tonight?” Jongin teases, but it goes unacknowledged.

They pack up quietly, go through the same routine of shutting the window and making sure nothing’s out of place before Kyungsoo locks up. Tonight, again, Kyungsoo doesn’t reject Jongin’s offer to send him home and Jongin doesn’t have to ask for directions again although he has only been to Kyungsoo’s house once and with his forgetful nature, the directions really shouldn’t be so deeply ingrained into his mind. Yet they are, and they make it to Kyungsoo’s house in no time.

He can tell that Kyungsoo is on the brink of falling asleep when they arrive before the neat suburban house that is still shrouded in darkness like last time. Jongin doesn’t think it’s late enough for everyone to be asleep yet, but he hopes Kyungsoo’s family members just go to bed early because he really doesn’t like the feeling of watching Kyungsoo come back to an empty house.

“Thanks,” Kyungsoo says in a small voice, and it takes him another second to open the door and step out of the car.

Jongin calls his name urgently before the door can slam shut and Kyungsoo leans down, his eyes meeting Jongin’s and making him forget whatever he wanted to say momentarily. When the words come back, Jongin’s smile is confident and wide. “See you tomorrow.”

Smiles are often contagious, Jongin learns as Kyungsoo smiles back, though his smile doesn’t quite reach all the way to his eyes. “Good night,” he tells him, and it’s like someone hit replay on the first time he sent Kyungsoo home as he watches Kyungsoo’s small figure get caught in the headlights and then disappear into the darkness, out of his sight.

-

The silver volkswagen jetta pulls neatly into Yifan’s driveway and the three passengers, Chanyeol, Sehun, and Jieun alight first. Jongin then reverses out of the driveway and parks in the parking lot not too far away.

A sense of discomfort creeps up to him when he gets out of his car. Jongin has never liked parties. Socializing is an activity he has never done well and doesn’t like trying. He doesn’t know why just the thought of Kyungsoo being here in the same place, at the same time, made him want to come as well, but now that he’s already here, he figures he’ll just try to enjoy himself and spend some time with his friends outside of school. Unwind and let loose a little.

At least he is in his favorite pair of ripped jeans and a comfortable plaid outerwear on top of a plain T-shirt, and the evening air is crisp and refreshing when he strolls towards Yifan’s house in his sneakers. He wonders if Kyungsoo is here yet, worries if he’ll be able to find him at all.

The atmosphere is bound to be fun; he thinks he might be able to hang out and talk more to Kyungsoo, find out more about him and his life.

Jieun is waiting for him on the porch when he gets there. She looks pretty in a tight-fitting off-shoulder dress, her hair braided loosely and her smile sweet when Jongin comes up to her. Besides words like pretty and sweet, Jongin realizes he can’t think of any other adjectives when it comes to her. It’s almost like that’s all there is to her from Jongin’s perspective.

“Why didn’t you go in with them first?” he asks her, feeling annoyed at his friends for having left her alone here in the first place even if she had insisted on it.

“I wanted to go in with you,” she says with a laugh. They head into the house together, arms linked.

Yifan’s house is more spacious than it looks from the outside and it feels like night has already fallen in the place with the lights dimmed and loud music blasted through the speakers. There is a throng of people further in and Jongin’s eyes dart around, trying to register everything at once.

His discomfort returns when his gaze flits from the dance floor to the pool table and Jieun tugs at his arm with concern in her eyes. The party has only just started, things are going to get a lot wilder, but Jongin already wants to leave. Now he’s starting to remember why he stopped going to parties in the first place even though he has never been short on invitations.

“What’s wrong?” Jieun asks. Jongin doesn’t want to dampen the mood because he knows Jieun is nothing like him, she likes being around people and has fun at parties, so he shakes his head and tells her it’s nothing, he’s just a little tired.

Chanyeol’s height makes him easy to spot and the couple joins him at the couch. He already has a cup in his hand and Jongin doesn’t have to ask to know it’s definitely alcohol. He needs at least 10 cups for himself if he’s intending to survive the night. Jieun relinquishes her hold on him and it feels like a weight being lifted off him, both literally and figuratively as he takes a small step away from the both of them and sighs inwardly, disconnected from them at this moment.

“Where’s Sehun?” he hears Jieun ask Chanyeol over the music.

Chanyeol guffaws and takes a swig from the cup. “Crazy motherfucker already at the dance floor. Ran there the moment we stepped in.”

“I think we should have some fun there now before it gets crowded later,” Jieun suggests, though her question is really directed at Jongin.

Jongin deadpans. “You mean it’s not already crowded right now?”

She rolls her eyes good-humouredly. “Come on, don’t be a spoilsport.”

And then Jongin doesn’t really know what’s happening, hasn’t even gotten a chance to numb his senses with alcohol to help him pull through this yet when he gets dragged to the dance floor by Jieun. Chanyeol follows after them after he gulps down the remaining alcohol left in his cup and in a state of intoxication, is definitely much better suited than Jongin for this right now.

So Jongin finds himself being dragged through a sweaty mess of people he doesn’t know as the disco ball hanging by a thread above them flashes, trapping him in a myriad of colours. There’s too much skin and heat and Jongin really hates this but he doesn’t have a choice when Jieun is so excited about this and he can’t break free of her grasp. He tries to move his body along when they get somewhere near the middle, tries not to make his discomfort too obvious. The fact that he can’t see Chanyeol anymore only intensifies his uneasiness, and being trapped here in the middle of the dancing throne makes his head spin. Jieun is evidently having a good time, laughing away as she greets people she knows around her. Every second here is prolonged and dreadful without the influence of alcohol, and he’s just about desperate for a getaway when he finally spots Sehun’s lanky frame. He extends his arm far enough to grab the back of his shirt that is already damp with perspiration.

Sehun is annoyed until he realizes it’s Jongin, and when he does, he breaks into a shit-eating grin.

“You having fun?” he has to repeat his question twice because Jongin can’t hear him over the music and cheering and Jongin wants to combust. Fun? This is quite possibly the worst night of his life.

Jieun is dancing away with a girl Jongin recognizes as her classmate and he pushes Sehun towards her.

“Look after her!” he tries to shout above the music and ensures Sehun has heard him before he worms his way out of the dancing throng.

The instance he’s free, Jongin grabs a plastic cup and empties the content into his mouth in one shot, grimacing slightly at the bitterness. Then he crushes the empty cup and dumps it into a nearby trash bag, wiping at his mouth with his sleeve and reaches for two more.

He can’t leave yet; it’s his duty to make sure Jieun gets sent home safely and possibly haul Sehun’s drunk ass out of here like the last time they came to a party together. But he has to get out. He needs some fresh air and quietness from this mess. It’s too stifling here, too many people he doesn’t know.

He has just started walking towards the door when in Kyungsoo walks, in a denim jacket outside his T-shirt and a pair of jeans, alongside Baekhyun who is dressed more casually in a gray button-up shirt and three-quarter pants.

Kyungsoo’s eyes dart around as well and his momentum falters visibly, but Baekhyun’s grip around him ensures his continued movement. Jongin doesn’t waste a second in joining him.

“Hey,” he says to Kyungsoo who only spots him now. “I was hoping I’d run into you.”

Baekhyun looks him up and down. He’s of a similar stature as Kyungsoo, albeit slightly taller. “Jongin, right?”

The athletes in his school are generally more well-known, which makes it not so surprising that Baekhyun knows who he is.

“Yep. Nice to meet you, Baekhyun.”

Baekhyun relaxes into a smile. “How’s the party so far?”

Jongin doesn’t know if he can be honest. He thinks about it and ultimately settles on “it’s okay.”

Kyungsoo’s eyes are still trained on him when Jongin can finally direct his attention towards him, and when their eyes meet, it feels as though this is the supply of fresh air Jongin very much needed. He chuckles to himself and figures it must be the alcohol kicking in, fucking with his mind.

“We’ll see you around then!” Baekhyun chirps and before Jongin can say anything else, pulls Kyungsoo along with him.

And Jongin can’t breathe again, can’t breathe in this house with so many people and Kyungsoo gone. He finds his way out and rests at the porch for a little while, averting his eyes away from the couples making out and occasionally smiling at acquaintances walking past him.

When he heads back in, he grabs a new cup of liquid courage and drinks it slowly. It leaves a fiery trail down his throat and he stays close to the wall, watching the traffic of people before him. By the time his cup is empty again, he’s already slightly tipsy, and there’s nothing on his mind besides finding Kyungsoo and getting him out of this place because he hadn’t missed the look of discomfort on his face and he can’t stop thinking about it.

Then it strikes him that he doesn’t know where to find him. His friends and girlfriend are nowhere in sight too, and the music is louder as ever. His head is throbbing and there’s really nothing else he can do besides sucking it up. He inhales the smoky air and coats his guts with a layer of steel before plunging deeper into the devil’s den.

He spots Yifan along the way, engaged in an arm-wrestling match with some kid Jongin has seen around but doesn’t know, narrowly avoids getting pulled towards the dance floor by a classmate and sees a few teammates before he finally locates Kyungsoo all alone beside the stairs.

His head tilts back, pouring everything down his throat before he approaches Kyungsoo slowly, his blood burning with recklessness.

“Hi,” Jongin greets him for the second time tonight and it’s a little different from the previous time because his word is drawn out and his mind is clouded.

Kyungsoo’s gaze tonight makes him feel nervous for some reason but Jongin forces himself to hold it. “Jongin,” Kyungsoo greets him back.

“Why are you alone? Where’s Baekhyun?”

“He’s getting a drink,” Kyungsoo answers, but Jongin can pick up the uncertainty in his voice and he’s glad he found Kyungsoo because he has never liked the thought of him being left alone. Now he can finally do something about it, unlike when he could only watch Kyungsoo walk into the darkness alone.

“I’ll stay here with you till he comes back, ‘kay?”

The intensity of Kyungsoo’s gaze is getting too much to bear. “You’re already here,” Kyungsoo says, and that’s his way of saying okay, so Jongin stays.

“You look good today.” Jongin has never been stingy with his compliments and he has even less reasons to be around Kyungsoo.

Instead of the “thank you” he was expecting, Kyungsoo tugs at the denim jacket. “This isn’t mine,” he explains, “Baekhyun made me wear it.”

Jongin nods. The loudness of the music is still making his head throb, but he doesn’t feel all that suffocated now and he feels just a little more confident than usual. He feels like he can take on the world if he has to, though he’d prefer not to. Must be the booze. “You still look good.”

This time Jongin gets the “thank you” he was expecting and his lips grow into a smile. “Are you having fun?” he asks, although he thinks he already knows Kyungsoo’s answer.

Kyungsoo gives him a noncommittal answer by shrugging nonchalantly. “I don’t know.”

Jongin doesn’t intend to press him for an answer anyway, so he takes it and they stand like that in a shared bubble of silence against the thumping and gaiety of the rest of the world. When Baekhyun still doesn’t return, Jongin tries to figure out how to ask Kyungsoo if he wants to go outside and away, maybe grab some supper or something since they’re clearly not having too much fun at this party. He doesn’t want to take Kyungsoo away from his friend, but if Baekhyun is going to leave him neglected like this, then it’s Jongin’s duty to intervene.

Jongin was lost in thought when he appeared, him with the raven hair and an easy smile. He’s not a complete stranger, Jongin notes as he accosts them, but he just can’t remember his name.

“Kyungsoo! I wasn’t expecting to see you here.”

He smiles at Jongin briefly and then ignores him completely in favour of Kyungsoo. Jongin can’t take his eyes off this guy before him, who is talking so cheerfully to Kyungsoo, as if they’ve been friends for a long time.

“Baekhyun asked me to come.” Upon hearing that, Jongin’s heart swells a little with happiness, pride, he doesn’t know. At least he knew that before this guy did.

The unidentified guy doesn’t try to inquire about Baekhyun’s whereabouts, and instead, asks, “Why are you hiding here? Let’s go have some fun.” Then he is reaching out for Kyungsoo and everything goes into slow-motion when his fingers tighten around Kyungsoo’s wrist and Jongin can only watch with dilated pupils.

He pulls Kyungsoo forward, but Kyungsoo stands his ground, and the flow of time swings back to normal. “No,” Kyungsoo says, but his voice is too soft, not a match against the loud music, and Jongin can’t tell if the guy genuinely didn’t hear him or if he’s just ignoring him when he continues pulling him forward.

“Come on,” he insists, “let’s go.”

Maybe being so rudely ignored is pissing him off, but Jongin’s not exactly being his rational self when he steps between the both of them and shoves the guy back, breaking his grip on Kyungsoo.

“Get away from him,” he commands in a firm tone, anger flaring in his chest. “He said he doesn’t want to.”

The guy blinks a couple of times and Jongin too, tries to absorb what he has just done. Yet, when the realization rains down on him, he remains unashamed. He knows he did the right thing. He would do it again if he had to.

“I’m sorry,” the guy says, to Jongin first, then to Kyungsoo. “I’ll be at the pool table if you change your mind, Kyungsoo. They’re playing beer pong.” He looks one last time at Jongin, curiously, before turning his back and leaving.

Jongin’s stance only relaxes after the guy melts into the crowd. He takes a step back, positioning himself beside Kyungsoo so he doesn’t have to meet his heavy gaze yet.

“I’m sorry I was rude to your friend,” he mumbles.

Kyungsoo sighs beside him. “It’s fine. He was being pushy.”

“Who is that, anyway?”

“His name is Joonmyeon.”

Jongin remembers where he has seen him before now. “He’s from the golf club, isn’t he?”

“I think so.”

“Hey, Kyungsoo, do you—”

“Jongin!”

Jongin’s words get cut off as his head snaps up at the sound of that voice. It’s Jieun. Her hair is messier, cheeks flushed, and she looks happy. She throws her arms around him and kisses the side of his mouth before he can react.

“I looked everywhere for you.”

“I was—”

“I’m hungry,” she whines before he can finish his sentence and Jongin stiffens. He really hates it when she ignores what he has to say. “Let’s go outside and get some food? Drive us to the nearest taco restaurant?”

Her request is taking some time to reach him in his state of slight intoxication and Jongin has nearly forgotten the man beside him when Kyungsoo informs her in a quiet voice, “he’s drunk, he shouldn’t be driving.”

Now Jongin knows why Kyungsoo had been staring so intensely at him, as though he was trying to figure out something. He doesn’t think he’s behaving too differently, which makes it amazing that Kyungsoo was able to tell at all. And for some reason, that makes Jongin really, really, really happy.

“You’re drunk, Jongin?” It’s Jieun’s turn to gaze intensely at him. Jongin looks away, uncomfortable with her prodding eyes.

“I had a few drinks,” he admits. She pouts at his answer.

“We’ll just walk then. I don’t think it’s too far away.”

Jongin has to remind himself that Jieun is his girlfriend and he can only comply to her request although he had a different supper partner in mind. He glances at Kyungsoo who has his gaze averted, probably not wanting to get involved.

“Give me a moment,” he says, “I’ll meet you at the porch?”

Jieun nods, her lipstick-coated lips pulling into a big smile and Jongin suddenly feels bad for feeling reluctant at all. “I’ll go to the bathroom first.”

They part ways there and Jongin only has time to ask Kyungsoo to stay where he is before he rushes into the crowd, aware he’s melting into it the same way they watched Joonmyeon disappear from sight.

Lady luck must be on his side today because he finds who he is looking for in no time at all, although it’s really because he spots him beside someone familiar. Baekhyun is engaged in an animated conversation with Chanyeol and Jongin watches from a small distance as the brunet gestures wildly, earning Chanyeol’s laughter. There are two cups in Baekhyun’s hands, and he gathers that Baekhyun must have been caught up in a conversation and didn’t intentionally forget about Kyungsoo.

But how Chanyeol and Baekhyun knew each other was a different story Jongin decides to save for another day as he marches towards them, a man on a mission.

Chanyeol spots him first, surprised when Jongin gets Baekhyun’s attention instead.

“Hey, Baekhyun.”

“Oh, hey.”

Jongin glances down at the cups in his hands.

“Kyungsoo is waiting for you, you know.”

Baekhyun nods. “Right, I was getting drinks for us.”

Jongin doesn’t care. He inches closer to Baekhyun.

“Take care of him please,” he implores, “don’t leave him alone.”

There’s a weird look on Chanyeol’s face when Jongin catches a fleeting glance of it, which he chooses to ignore. He doesn’t wait for their responses and makes his way out to the porch instead, where Jieun is waiting for him. His heart hits the ground right just as he steps out when he realizes he had forgotten to say goodbye to Kyungsoo in his haste, and when he looks back, Baekhyun is gone, probably acting on Jongin’s instructions. Chanyeol is still staring after him, the same weird look plastered on his face, and Jongin really doesn’t want to care right now so he turns back with a frown and hopes Kyungsoo will still be around by the time he gets back with Jieun.

They make a quick trip to the taco restaurant 15 minutes on foot, and Jongin has already freshened up considerably when they get back to the party nearly an hour later.

Something tells him Kyungsoo has already left, but he tries to look for him anyway, and when he finds Baekhyun, his doubt is confirmed. He wants to yell at Baekhyun for leaving Kyungsoo alone even though he asked him not to, for allowing him to go home alone, but he clenches his fists and holds it all back.

It’s three hours later when his friends stagger out of the house, drunk out of their minds, and Jongin fulfils his duty of sending them back home and walks Jieun right up to her doorstep. He flinches when Jieun leans up for a goodbye kiss and chalks it down to the alcohol for making him jumpy when she looks up at him with wide eyes, obviously hurt. He kisses her then, a small peck, just to satisfy her.

Then the night truly begins when he backs out of Jieun’s driveway and speeds towards the neat suburban house with the bricked walls and a boy he just can’t quite leave alone.

-

There is light coming from the window on the second floor when Jongin cruises past Kyungsoo’s house. He doesn’t enter the driveway, just stays around the bend, his restless heart soothed now. He doesn’t know if that room is Kyungsoo’s, but he’s assuming it is and he doesn’t know what he should do now.

Why does he even care so much about Kyungsoo, someone he met only recently, someone he doesn’t know all that well? It makes his head spin and the voices in his head won’t shut up when he tries, so Jongin stops thinking. He shuts his mind down, going into the nothing box and slumps against his seat, face still inclined towards the window.

At least 10 minutes have elapsed when a figure appears at the window. It’s Kyungsoo, it’s Kyungsoo’s stature and comforting existence he doesn’t have to squint to see, only needs to feel.

There’s no way to hide so Jongin gets out of his car awkwardly, not knowing where to put his hands, at last shoving them into his pockets. He walks towards the house and Kyungsoo’s figure disappears from the window. It takes him a short while to open the door and they come face to face.

“What are you doing here?” Kyungsoo asks with his usual wide eyed expression.

No more denim jacket and skinny jeans, Jongin notes dimly. Just a hoodie and sweatpants now. His hair is ruffled and Jongin wants to reach out, to comb Kyungsoo’s hair into place with his fingers.

“I was sending my friends home and since they live nearby I just thought I’d swing by and make sure you got home safely.”

They stand like that in silence for a while, just looking at each other; Kyungsoo in his comfortable looking home clothes, Jongin in his favorite get-up. He also takes this opportunity to look past Kyungsoo’s shoulder (which isn’t very difficult). As far as his eye can see, his living-room has a very minimalistic style with wood flooring and a mustard couch positioned before a large-screen television. Some cupboards towards the side and the curtains drawn across the windows. Nothing too extravagant.

“Are you still drunk?”

His mind is not benighted by alcohol but from thoughts he can’t pull apart to make sense of, and Jongin doesn’t think it’s considered lying if he says yes so he nods. Suddenly, there’s nothing he wants more than to be invited into Kyungsoo’s house. “A little,” he says honestly. It’s not lying if he doesn’t specify what he’s drunk on.

It works.

“Come on in,” Kyungsoo offers invitingly, and steps aside to let Jongin enter his house.

Jongin scans the house. The living-room is right ahead of him, the kitchen to the right and staircases leading up to the second floor to the left. It’s spacious and tidy but it looks bare and feels the same way. Nothing can be heard besides the sounds of their movements and conversation.

“Is anybody else home?”

Kyungsoo’s hands are hidden in his pockets. “No. Just me.”

Jongin is even gladder he’s here now.

“Do you want anything to drink? Water?”

“Look, I don’t wanna cause any inconvenience. Just go back to whatever you were doing. I’ll just hang around until I’m sober.”

Kyungsoo doesn’t listen to him. He goes to the kitchen and reemerges with a glass of water, which he hands over to Jongin.

“You can come to my room if you want to, or watch TV here. There won’t be anyone coming back tonight so it’s fine.”

Jongin frowns. He doesn’t like the sound of that. “Are you living alone now?”

Kyungsoo has already started making his way upstairs and Jongin quickly follows after him with the glass of water in his hand.

“I live with my brother and mother. My brother’s studying in another town so he doesn’t come home that much. My mother travels overseas a lot for work.”

The house is less spacious upstairs, the staircases leading up to a rather narrow hallway and four rooms. Kyungsoo’s room is the first one on the left and the door creaks softly when he twists the doorknob.

“Must be lonely,” Jongin remarks absentmindedly, looking around Kyungsoo’s room.

“Not really,” Kyungsoo says in a tone of blatant indifference.

It’s definitely not as big as Jongin’s room, but it looks cozy enough. The walls are sapphire (like the ocean), the bedsheets on the queen-sized bed a similar shade, and the desk is right beside the window. Jongin walks there, spotting his car parked where he left it. He wonders how Kyungsoo had felt seeing him there.

He turns around, noticing the wardrobe and tripod adjacent to the bed only now. Kyungsoo’s trademark DSLR camera is on his desk and the man himself is still positioned by the door.

“You can sleep it off, if you want to.”

Jongin sniffs his shirt and wrinkles his nose. “I kinda smell though. Booze and smoke.” Then he remembers he’s supposed to be a little drunk and deliberately slurs his words more, blinking erratically because he’s a shit actor. “But I suppose sleeping it off isn’t a bad idea.”

The door remains open as Kyungsoo proceeds to his wardrobe. He slides it open and picks out some clothes.

“You should be able to fit into my clothes,” he says, tossing them at Jongin after looking him up and down. “The toilet is opposite my room.” Then he recalls something and digs around his wardrobe again, and hands a towel over in exchange for the glass of water in Jongin’s hand.

Jongin beams. “See you later,” he says, and makes his way to the bathroom.

Ten minutes later, a fresh and nice-smelling Jongin steps out from the bathroom and approaches Kyungsoo’s room with more caution, not knowing what to expect or do once he’s inside. He needn’t have worried. Kyungsoo is at his desk working on some assignments when Jongin settles on the edge of his bed, and all he gets is a quick glance from Kyungsoo who doesn’t seem too interested in him right now.

Here he is, in Kyungsoo’s clothes that fit fine (though his shirt is a little tight around his shoulders), Kyungsoo’s scent clinging on to him, in the middle of Kyungsoo’s personal bubble. Yet, everything feels so natural, like he’s been doing this since the start of time.

When the initial bit of strangeness finally wears off, Jongin lets himself relax and crawls into bed. His own bed is a little bigger, and his room too, but none of that matters at all as the softness embraces him. Jongin has never felt so comfortable in his life. Maybe it’s a coincidence that Jongin chooses the pillow Kyungsoo sleeps on because the strong scent of his shampoo seeps into his nostrils the moment his head meets the fluffiness, maybe it’s not, but again, it doesn’t matter because his eyelids are beyond heavy and he wants to rest.

He might really still be a little drunk after all, he thinks as his eyelids start to flutter involuntarily and the sight of Kyungsoo’s back starts swimming. So he utters something only a drunk Jongin would have the courage to, “come swimming with me,” and then the darkness cradles him, lulling him into a quieter world.

-

It’s sapphire walls that greet his eyes when he comes to, a still image of the ocean. Nothing he’s used to. Jongin doesn’t move, remains sprawled on Kyungsoo’s bed. His gaze rakes across the room, realizing that it’s still dark out, and Kyungsoo is asleep at the desk.

He doesn’t know how long he’s been out and his clothes are still in a careless heap on the edge of the bed. It could have been an hour, or more, but he slept really well. No dreams, no waking up randomly, no flipping and tossing. He stays a while more in a happy daze before sitting up, stretching his limbs.

Then he can’t tear his eyes away from Kyungsoo anymore. He gets up and reaches the sleeping figure in a few steps, guilt setting in. Did Kyungsoo decide to sleep here because he wanted to give the bed up to Jongin? The guilt lightens when he sees the pen still clutched loosely in his hand, figuring he must have fallen asleep doing his assignments (which, really, is what Jongin experiences on a daily basis, or at least when he bothers trying to do his homework).

There is a digital clock on the desk and Jongin sees that it is 4am, so he must have slept for a couple of hours. The fluorescent light from the table-lamp is a bit too vivid for his eyes now and he reaches out to turn it off, and the room falls into darkness.

The soft moonlight streaming in is enough for him to make out the silhouette before him and the outline of the furniture in the room. He makes his way back to the bed, grabs the blanket, and returns to Kyungsoo so he can drape it around his body.

It’s not really something he understands when his fingers card through Kyungsoo’s hair gently and he tangles them between the strands of dark hair, just as his heart becomes all tangled up in this mysterious boy.

He really wasn’t thinking straight when he decided to came over to Kyungsoo’s house even though he wasn’t exactly under the influence of alcohol, but now that whatever had possessed him to drive here like a madman was already gone, Jongin couldn’t allow himself to continue staying.

When he retracts his hand, it’s not serenity he meets but a million voices screaming in his head and he can’t think, he can’t think at all, he can’t think so he runs. He grabs his own clothes along the way and leaves the room, almost losing his footing on the stairs in his hurry to get away.

The light in the living-room is still turned on and Jongin throws himself into the night air where he doesn’t feel so claustrophobic anymore, doesn’t feel his thoughts closing in on him. He slides into his car, ignites the engine, and blasts rock music all the way home, still in Kyungsoo’s clothes.


	3. Chapter 3

Two days pass before he runs into Kyungsoo in the cafeteria. It’s a surprise, but a pleasant one, when Jongin returns from the bathroom to find Kyungsoo and Baekhyun at their table. He looks at Kyungsoo, then at Baekhyun, who is so caught up in a conversation with Chanyeol that he barely notices Jongin’s appearance. When he does, he greets him with a smile.

“What’s up.”

“I asked them to sit with us,” Chanyeol informs him.

Jongin takes the empty seat opposite Kyungsoo and when their eyes meet, the background noise fades for a bit then returns in dribs and drabs.

“Hi,” Jongin says. He wants to thank him for allowing him to crash at his house the other night, and tell him that he’ll return his clothes to him when they return from the laundry, but it’s not really a good time with his friends around so he leaves it for when they’re alone and settles for a small smile. Kyungsoo, too, doesn’t try to bring it up as the corners of his lips lift in response.

“I was just thinking,” Chanyeol is difficult to ignore, his voice loud and grin obnoxious. “What do you think Kyungsoo and Jongin even talk about? They’re both so quiet.”

Sehun at least has the decency to swallow his mouthful of food first before adding, “Right, I’ve been sitting beside Kyungsoo and he hasn’t said a word to me.”

Baekhyun touches his chin, a mock-serious expression on his face as he makes the bad decision to join the pair in their stupidity. Jongin rolls his eyes.

“He’s not quiet,” he tells them, “you just need to know how to approach him.”

Chanyeol’s eyes widen dramatically when Jongin steps on his foot beneath the table, cutting him off before his mouth can do more damage.

“Also, just because he’s not shooting his mouth off about bullshit all the time doesn’t mean he’s quiet. Not everyone’s an idiot like you, Chanyeol.”

Sehun is snorting with laughter when he pushes his coke over to Chanyeol. “Apply cold water to area of burn,” he recalls, still laughing.

“Fuck you.”

Jongin is a little nervous when he moves his gaze back to Kyungsoo, wondering how he took what he said. He needn’t have worried, for his eyes lands on a smiling Kyungsoo and Jongin can’t help his own smile from growing wider. The tension, if any, completely dissipates when Chanyeol’s stupid jokes and guffaws put all of them at ease.

“How did you and Baekhyun even get to know each other?” he finally asks.

Chanyeol and Baekhyun share a look. “You wanna tell them, darling, or should I?” Chanyeol asks in a honeyed voice.

“Don’t listen to his bullshit,” Baekhyun says, patting Sehun’s back until he stops choking. “We’re in the same class for History.”

“My condolences.” Jongin offers solemnly to Baekhyun, who thanks him with a grieved expression. It makes Chanyeol guffaw again, though he kicks the both of them under the table.

Jongin hears Sehun ask Kyungsoo if he wants some of his leftover peas, or something like that, probably in an attempt to build friendly ties with Kyungsoo, and steals the chance to answer for him.

“He doesn’t want them.”

 

“How do you know he doesn’t want them?”

Jongin looks at Kyungsoo, who plays along and replicates his mysterious smile.

“Telepathy,” Jongin says, tapping his finger against his temple.

-

To: Kyungsoo  
How many South Americans does it take to change a lightbulb?

Jongin keeps his fingers closed around his phone, not even trying to conceal his anticipation as his feet drum against the ground impatiently. Five minutes pass, then ten, and his excitement is just starting to dull when it vibrates. He doesn’t think he has ever responded so quickly.

From: Kyungsoo  
What?

To: Kyungsoo  
A Brazilian.

From: Kyungsoo  
No.

A shadow of doubt crosses him when his fingers fly across the screen, unsure if Kyungsoo would get annoyed, but his instinct tells him it’s okay, so he goes ahead.

To: Kyungsoo  
where do animals go when their tails fall off?

From: Kyungsoo  
Are you drunk?

And so it seems that his instinct sometimes sends him horribly wrong signals. Jongin’s bottom lip juts out as he stares blankly at the screen, wondering how to turn things around. It’s obvious Kyungsoo isn’t amused and all he’s done is make himself look like an idiot.

From: Kyungsoo  
A retail store.

The last time Jongin smiled this brightly in class was when he was 8 years old, when his homeroom teacher reminded the entire class about his birthday and got them to sing him a birthday song. He had pretended to hate it, but secretly, he loved the attention. How the tides have turned.

To: Kyungsoo  
how did you know?

From: Kyungsoo  
I have sources.

To: Kyungsoo   
here’s one more

From: Kyungsoo  
…

To: Kyungsoo  
how does a train eat? (and no googling! have some integrity!)

He waits a little longer for the next reply but when it comes, it turns out to be one worth the wait.

From: Kyungsoo  
I don’t know, but I hope one swallows you on your way home. ASAP.

To: Kyungsoo  
it goes….

To: Kyungsoo  
wait for it

To: Kyungsoo  
drumroll pls?

From: Kyungsoo  
I’m going to google.

To: Kyungsoo  
NO

His fear, apparently, extended beyond that because his gasp attracts a few curious gazes and Jongin smiles awkwardly when he notices, remaining still until they lose interest.

To: Kyungsoo  
GOD NO DONT

From: Kyungsoo  
I didn’t. Just tell me the answer.

To: Kyungsoo  
it goes CHEW CHEW

To: Kyungsoo  
LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL

From: Kyungsoo  
We need a new plague.

That makes Jongin guffaw, and it attracts the attention of more than just a few classmates this time. His teacher is an unwelcome addition and Jongin knows he’s in some kind of trouble just by the look on her face.

“Outside, Mr Kim.” She commands.

Jongin nods. “Absolutely,” he agrees with a straight face, and scurries out of class.

-

His fingers carve an opening for his body to slide into and Jongin takes it, thrusting his body forward. One hand, then the other, his toes pointed and legs kicking relentlessly to propel him forth.

But it’s not working today.

He knows it the moment he does his flip-turn and even though his dolphin kicks manage to salvage some of his momentum, his heart is heavy and disappointment thick on his tongue when he touches the ceramic tile to signal the end of his lap.

His coach isn’t smiling down at him. Jongin remains in the water, pushing his goggles upwards to look him in the eyes. He’s ready for it.

“What’s with your performance today, Jongin?”

Jongin doesn’t know what to say.

“Almost 54 seconds,” his coach tells him. “You’re not getting anywhere with this timing!”

He remains afloat, but his heart sinks to the bottom of the pool.

“I’ll come back to you in 5 minutes and you’ll do this again before we end today. Pull yourself together. You have two weeks to the tournament. Your performance can’t be fluctuating like this.”

Jongin bows his head. “I got it,” he says, though he doesn’t really.

He looks to his left where Chanyeol is in the midst of his lap a few lanes away, and doesn’t have to be the one holding the stopwatch to know that his friend is definitely doing much better than he is. He can feel the power behind his movements all the way from here, so unlike his own. It’s not the same goofy Chanyeol in the pool, but a determined swimmer who has his eyes set on the gold medal for the 100m backstroke event. What about Jongin? What is he thinking of when he swims?

The water doesn’t seem to be embracing him today when he closes his eyes and sinks to the bottom of the pool. His mind has been distracted as of late, his heart too, and it really isn’t a good place to be in when the tournament is just around the corner.

He waits until his breath runs out before resurfacing, inhaling a generous amount of air as he tilts his goggles to free the water caught in them and then pulls them back down to his eyes so the world is more distant behind transparent lenses. He practices his kicks and stretches his muscles until his coach comes back and Jongin knows this is the lap that will decide how his day ends.

He gets out of the pool, steps onto the diving block, and bends down. His ears are open, waiting eagerly for the sound of the whistle, and the moment it reaches his ears, he’s off like a bullet.

A loud splash when he dives into the water, and the world goes quiet when he remains beneath. He kicks a few times, then it’s his body that gives up and the momentum falters before he can build it up.

He just doesn’t really want to surface anymore.

Eventually he does, and his heart is nowhere to be found as he finishes his lap on auto-pilot. The sense of security the water offers remains the same, and his body still feels at home in it, but today it’s just difficult to have to push forward mindlessly and think about nothing besides timings and medals.

Jongin doesn’t look up at his coach when he comes back. He hears his coach sigh and his own shoulders slump, his fingers tightening around the edge of the pool.

“I’ll leave you to sort yourself out, Jongin, but I hope you won’t be like this the next time I see you.”

“I’m sorry.”

He hauls himself out of the pool only after the coach has left, too ashamed to look him in the face. Most of his teammates are already showering. Jongin doesn’t intend to leave yet, so he sits down on the dive block, facing the pool.

A warm hand lands on his shoulder and he recognizes it as Chanyeol’s touch right away. His friend squeezes his shoulder.

“You okay, buddy?”

“I’m fine.” Jongin doesn’t look up at him either. He doesn’t know how to talk to Chanyeol about it anyway, neither does he want to when Chanyeol is making so much improvement in his own performance. He doesn’t want to burden anyone with his problems.

“You weren’t up to standard today,” Chanyeol starts a little hesitantly. “Is something wrong?”

Jongin rubs his face. It’s dry by now. “I don’t know, I need to figure it out.”

“I’ll get everyone out of here when they’re done,” Chanyeol promises, and it’s the best kind of support he can offer to Jongin right now who finds himself smiling a little when he looks up at his best friend.

“Thanks.”

True to his word, the pool is empty by the time the clock strikes 8pm and Jongin pulls off his swim cap and goggles and places them neatly on the side before diving into the water again. He tries to free his mind of the tournament and the pressure to swim quickly, just focuses on feeling the water wrapped around his body instead as he swings one arm forward, then the other, trying to capture some kind of rhythm.

His hair is in his face and he can’t open his eyes for long in the water but none of that deters him because he’s so familiar with the pool, he doesn’t have to look to know when he has to do a flip-turn and does one right on the mark. When he comes back to where he started, he feels much better.

There doesn’t seem to be anything wrong with him, so why did his body react this way earlier? His love for swimming is still as strong as ever.

He sweeps his hair back and takes a huge breath before starting again, wishing the water could swallow him entirely. He isn’t swimming just for a medal like his friends are, but it doesn’t mean he doesn’t care about winning. He wants to swim, and he wants to win, yet his body seems to forget how to function whenever he puts these two goals together.

Jongin swims lap after lap in a completely relaxed manner, switching from the front crawl to the backstroke, then the breaststroke, and finally the butterfly stroke, everything he has ever learnt as a child. He’s all out of breath from god knows how many laps when he realizes he’s not alone in the pool anymore.

Deja vu sweeps over him when he grabs on to the edge of the pool, too tired to remain afloat on his own. Kyungsoo comes nearer, looking a little out of place in his uniform here. His camera is nowhere in sight and Jongin’s heart beats erratically. He’s here for him. Not to take photographs of the pool. It’s the first time he’s here for Jongin.

It’s his turn to ask “what are you doing here?” when Kyungsoo kicks off his shoes.

“You asked me to come swimming with you,” he says quietly, rolling up his pants as best as he can, but Jongin doesn’t understand.

“Are you going to swim in that?” He’s happy that Kyungsoo heard him and that he’s here, but in disbelief as Kyungsoo turns the diving block before him into a makeshift chair and dips his legs into the pool. Jongin moves a little to the side, avoiding the splash-zone when Kyungsoo starts kicking lightly.

“I’m not going to,” Kyungsoo informs him. “I can’t swim.”

“I can teach you,” he offers, mood lifting considerably.

Kyungsoo continues to kick. “Maybe next time,” he says. “I’m fine with this now.” And he really does seem so, faint amusement on his face from just splashing around in the water with his legs.

“I didn’t expect you to really come, you know.”

Kyungsoo looks at him. “Should I leave?”

“No!” Jongin grabs his ankles as he says that, just in case he tries to. “No, I like it that you’re here.” He lets go only after Kyungsoo laughs, when he knows for sure he’ll be staying here with him.

“When’s the tournament?”

“In two weeks,” Jongin tells him, and Kyungsoo’s question is reminding him of all the things he doesn’t want to think of even though he knows he needs to confront them soon if he wants to end his high-school swimming career on a high note.

“Are you nervous?”

He grabs his swim cap and slips it back on, tucking his hair beneath the tight garment. The goggles come on next. He's not really thinking about what he's doing anymore, Kyungsoo has his way of making him do the strangest things.

Jongin is nervous for an entirely different reason, but he doesn’t tell Kyungsoo that. Instead, he heaves himself out of the pool and leaves Kyungsoo there, returning with a stopwatch in hand. He passes it to the smaller male who takes it without question. Then he takes the next lane and waits for Kyungsoo’s signal as he gets into position, ready.

When Kyungsoo tells him to start, he does. He dives in and doesn’t try to control what he thinks about. His thoughts unravel freely, a complete mess like they have been all day; of swimming, of winning, of Kyungsoo, but his dolphin kicks are smooth and Jongin thinks he’s back on track when he swings his arms forward.

He reaches the end of the pool using the front crawl and heads back to where Kyungsoo is waiting after the flip-turn. His momentum remains perfectly paced, and he knows 100m isn’t going to satisfy him right now so he does another flip-turn instead of stopping and keeps swinging his arms forward. His heart is soaring when he finishes a 200m lap to the best of his ability and finally returns to Kyungsoo, panting from the effort. The fact that he loves swimming regardless is what he establishes.

Kyungsoo is sitting right where he left him, the stopwatch clutched in his hand, staring wide-eyed at Jongin.

“You really are different in the water, aren’t you?”

When those words leave his mouth, something warm unfurls in Jongin’s chest. His shoulders are still heaving, and his breathing still irregular, but he’s not really interested in the timing on the stopwatch anymore.

Kyungsoo’s gaze is so raw, so honest, so open when Jongin looks into his eyes from where he is in the water. All of his frustration and anxiety detach from him then, floating upwards until the night engulfs them whole and takes them all away from him. There is nothing but contentment in his heart now.

He has felt this for a while, but tonight he lets himself admit it for the first time. His feelings for Kyungsoo are a little different, even though he’s not very sure what they are exactly yet.

In the end, there’s only one word he can whisper, “yes.”

-

Jongin is nothing but a bundle of nerves as he paces around the waiting room, his index knuckle pressed against his lips. It’s his last tournament in high school, and he really wants to do this well, but his results have been so inconsistent lately that it’s difficult to still have much confidence in himself. His teammates are notably more relaxed than he is, lounging around with carbonated sports drinks in their hands and goofing around.

It’s Sehun who breaks him out of his trance by jabbing at Jongin’s forehead.

“Just take a breath, you’re gonna do fine.”

“I’m not so sure about that.”

Sehun jabs his forehead again. “It’s just the heats. You’ve gotten through every single one of them in the first position.”

These words do make him feel better. He crosses his arms, his jacket snug around his body.

“How much longer before we go?”

Sehun glances at the clock. “5 minutes,” he replies, and the anxiety comes right back to Jongin. “Jieun’s here, you know.”

Honestly, that’s the last thing on Jongin’s mind, but he nods.

“I know.”

Because there’s someone else in the audience, someone whom Jongin made promise with to come and he knows he’s one to keep his promises.

“So, just give it your best shot and impress her.”

Jongin doesn’t know what to say to that, so he just nods and looks away. His event starts first, and he’s not prepared to be ousted just yet, not when he knows he’s definitely capable of making it through heats and qualifying for the finals. He has been swimming all his life.

He stuffs his swim cap and goggles into his pocket as the announcement for freestyle swimmers to proceed to the pool comes on, and Sehun gives him a quick hug for encouragement before Jongin is on his way.

The walk there is covered in silence as Jongin keeps his head down, not wanting to make eye-contact with anyone when he’s not in the mood to be all friendly and nice. He can feel the weight of his swim gear in his left pocket, and the heavier weight of his hopes and expectations in the other. Breathing becomes something he has to remind himself to do.

When he gets through the door, flashes and fragmented cheering greet his senses. He gets to his designated lane and tries to calm himself down. There are many pairs of eyes on him now and he has never managed to get used to this immensely uncomfortable feeling, and today is not the day either as he keeps his eyes on his feet until his hair is trapped beneath his swim cap and his goggles shield him against the prying gazes and attention.

The world, now a more subdued sight through his swimming goggles, is one he feels he is ready to take on. Jongin rakes his gaze through the audience, squinting because they’re all the way at the end of the pool and he can’t really make out their faces all that clearly. He knows exactly who he’s looking for, and his endeavour isn’t futile because he spots Kyungsoo right before the first whistle sounds, a signal for the swimmers to get ready.

Kyungsoo is in the right section, only noticeable because he had opted to stand against the railings instead of sitting down. His figure is more of a blur than anything from so far away, but Jongin knows it’s him, his heart knows it’s Kyungsoo, and it’s at ease when he steps onto the diving block.

Just one glance is all he needs. He bends over into his starting position, his ears open and anticipating the sound of the starting pistol. He doesn’t think his body has ever been so perfectly synchronized with the bang and he shoots into the water the moment it sounds. Then it’s back to dolphin kicks and the same old routine of carving an opening for himself within the water, sliding himself through, becoming one with the water.

His entire body is filled with energy and he doesn’t waste any of it, his swings powerful and his kicks steady. Thoughts of winning don’t fill his head this time, or at least they’re not in the forefront of his mind. He doesn’t think of anything in particular, he just swims. The swimmers in the other lanes don’t matter.

When he reaches the flip-turn, Kyungsoo’s words reach him as a form of reward.

You really are different in the water, aren’t you.

He picks up speed, a dolphin finally finding his way home.

The thunderous applause shatters his temporal world when he surfaces. It takes him a bit of time, but when he looks up at the scoreboard and realizes his timing of 48.19 seconds has landed him in first place, his fists plummet into the water and a victorious exclamation tears its way out of his throat.

He’s into the finals.

The swimmer in the lane beside his extends his arm for a handshake and Jongin obliges, ecstatic. It’s not his first time getting through the heats, but he had been so unsure about himself with his shitty performance prior to the tournament and this timing is definitely impressive, so the joy is triple folded.

By the time he heaves himself out of the pool, the cheering has more or less died down, and Jongin looks towards the audience while making his way back. He knows exactly where to look for Kyungsoo, and when his gaze lands on that familiar figure, he breaks into a grin. Kyungsoo grins back, or imagination supplied what the eye could not reach.

It’s a different man who returns to the waiting room, and the Jongin who has regained his confidence and reassurance can’t stop laughing as his teammates surround him and drown him in a group hug.

He’ll conquer the finals tomorrow, he knows he will.

-

The headlights illuminate the softly falling rain, the soundtrack of tyres hissing against wet gravel playing even more softly in the background as Jongin maneuvers the car towards the suburban house with the neat bricked walls.

He didn’t get a chance to go look for Kyungsoo after his event earlier, and had been whisked away to practice before tomorrow’s finals, but at least he’s here now and he hopes Kyungsoo is home. He’s in a really good mood. Most of his teammates, including Chanyeol and Sehun, are through to the finals as well, and they’re all confident of concluding their last match in high school on a good note.

The light shining through the window on the second floor is the only beacon he thinks he’ll ever need on this rainy day and the car pulls to a smooth stop in Kyungsoo’s driveway. Jongin grabs the backpack on the passenger seat and steps out into the rain. The raindrops manage to sketch a quick dotted artwork on his gray T-shirt in the few short seconds he takes to get to the front door.

He rings the doorbell and waits with barely concealed eagerness.

The door opens halfway to reveal a bespectacled Kyungsoo who must have already looked through the peephole because his stance is too relaxed.

“It’s pretty late, isn’t it?”

Jongin’s euphoria hasn’t quite left him. His confidence is threatening to overflow when he pushes past Kyungsoo into the house, wiping away the wetness on his face only when he’s safely inside.

“Not quite the greeting I was expecting but hello to you too, Kyungsoo.”

He turns to face Kyungsoo, watching his face carefully. Kyungsoo doesn’t seem to have any intention of making it easier for him. His face is blank.

“Congratulations.”

Jongin has heard that exact word about ten thousand times today, but he particularly likes the way those five syllables roll off Kyungsoo’s tongue, smoothly and warmly. They latch onto his heart.

“Thank you for coming,” he says sincerely.

They go upstairs without further conversation and Jongin closes the door after them this time, no longer a stranger here. He lets Kyungsoo take his seat at the desk before collapsing onto the bed, burying his face into the soft sheets he had slept so well on the other day. Seconds pass, then minutes, and when some of Jongin’s fatigue has faded, he sits up.

“Can I stay the night here?”

 

Kyungsoo stares at him. “Why?”

“The finals are tomorrow,” Jongin explains, though he knows Kyungsoo is already aware. “I’m nervous. And I sleep really well on your bed.”

Then he notices that there isn’t anything spread across Kyungsoo’s desk and the corners of his lips turn up.

“Were you preparing for bed?”

Kyungsoo’s nod confirms it.

“Come on,” Jongin calls out, “I’m ready for bed too. I even brushed my teeth and showered before I came here.”

Kyungsoo doesn’t react immediately. When he does, he surprises Jongin with his response.“It makes me so proud to hear that.” He crawls into bed while Jongin internalizes his words slowly, coming to the conclusion that Kyungsoo is teasing him only when the man himself is right beside him.

It’s strange how you can meet someone who can completely change your life in a matter of seconds, Jongin thinks as he watches Kyungsoo tuck himself into bed. He pulls the blanket over himself, then thinks for a moment and looks at Jongin.

“You need to keep your muscles warm, don’t you?”

Jongin doesn’t waste a second in slipping under the same blanket. “I do,” he confirms. Skinship with Kyungsoo is definitely not something that’s familiar to him (yet), so there is a kind of current that runs through his body when their elbows bump beneath the blanket and the night ahead stretches.

“I’ll get another blanket.” Kyungsoo doesn’t give him a chance to say no as he hops off the bed swiftly, and returns just as quickly with another blanket. Maybe his brother’s, Jongin notes halfheartedly, his eyelids heavy with exhaustion. Fatigue really has a way of dragging someone into oblivion, something Jongin experiences as Kyungsoo switches off the bedside lamp and the room sinks into darkness and his mind sort of shuts down.

It’s still raining outside, very cold, and he’s only half-conscious when his body instinctively moves closer to the other warm body. His arm reaches forward and wraps around the blanketed lump and the last thing Jongin remembers before falling asleep is how the universe finally seems to be falling into place for him. Being together on this night before Jongin’s important match is really nothing to be surprised about, no wonder when they’re completely at ease around each other. There is nowhere else Jongin would rather be.

-

Something feels different when his eyelids flutter open to the ethereal morning rays streaming through the window. He knows he’s not in his own bed, and still having Kyungsoo in his arms comes as a small surprise even though they’re wrapped beneath different blankets. Maybe Kyungsoo didn’t try to wriggle out of his grasp because he didn’t want to wake him, but whatever his reason is, Jongin is grateful because this is such a lovely way to wake up. He’s feeling very refreshed and warm, and Kyungsoo’s back is turned to him, but his breathing is slow and regular, still in slumber. Jongin can only attribute his recklessness to the morning uncertainty when he tightens his hold around Kyungsoo’s slender body. His body is not like Jieun’s, and despite its pliancy, there is a kind of hardiness. A man’s body through and through. Yet, it doesn’t pose any discomfort to him.

He can’t even begin to comprehend how fond he is of Kyungsoo, much less decipher why exactly he likes this boy so much. Though he thinks he has an inkling of why; probably something to do with Kyungsoo’s quiet charm and soft smiles and the way he reminds Jongin of water. With Kyungsoo, Jongin is himself. He is completely free to be the person he wants to be. And unknowingly, he has become so reliant on Kyungsoo, who is asleep and safe in his arms. Jongin shuts his eyes, wishing they could stay like this forever.

But that’s not what’s different. It hits him when he’s still in the midst of trying to figure out. The shrill ringing of the alarm cuts through the tranquil air and wakes Kyungsoo who stirs in his arms. Jongin keeps one arm around the sleepy boy as he reaches for his phone with the other, deactivating the alarm.

Kyungsoo’s body stiffens visibly, taking his time to recall why there’s someone else in his bed and why he’s being spooned, and through it all, Jongin doesn’t retract his arm. He keeps Kyungsoo right there for a little longer until the tension has left Kyungsoo’s body, although he still doesn’t attempt to turn around to face Jongin. That would be a little too weird since they’re, you know, just friends. Really good friends maybe, but still just friends.

In the end it’s Jongin who reluctantly releases Kyungsoo and crawls out of bed. Kyungsoo doesn’t have to be awake at this ungodly timing on a Sunday morning, it’s only him who needs to report early for his event. Despite that, Jongin wishes Kyungsoo would wake up soon and attend his event. He wants him to be there.

He reaches into his backpack for a change of clothes and takes a hot shower, smelling like Kyungsoo again when he reemerges from the bathroom. Kyungsoo hasn’t moved a single inch. He’s right where Jongin left him in bed, still turned away from him, and Jongin tries to think of what to say as he places the long overdue clothes Kyungsoo had lent him the other night on the edge of his bed.

He decides not to take the risk ultimately because he doesn’t know if Kyungsoo has fallen back asleep, and with a grateful heart, takes one last look at the rumpled sheets on the bed and the lump beneath the blanket. The spot beside Kyungsoo still harbours traces of him with the unmade blanket and Jongin smiles, hoping it’ll remain that way. He wants Kyungsoo to attend his finals, and he thinks he has already shown him how much he wants that through his actions, so he doesn’t leave a note behind when he leaves the room that’s already starting to feel like his own. Some things are better left unsaid. Jongin doesn’t want to overdo it.

Everything he needs, his swim gear and trunks and jacket, are stuffed into his gym bag in the backseat of his car. He reverses out of the driveway with the windows down and embarks on his journey to the aquatics centre, relishing in the sensation of having Kyungsoo in his arms the entire way there.

-

His coins jiggle in his pocket as he jogs towards the vending machine right in the lounge, tired of sitting around and waiting for his turn. The freestyle event is the second last event today, preceding the medley relay Chanyeol still wishes they could have participated in. Other than the waiting rooms, everywhere else is open to public and Jongin certainly wasn’t expecting to see Kyungsoo in the lounge when he gets there.

“Kyungsoo?” he calls out uncertainly.

Kyungsoo is seated on the bench beside the vending machine and he gets up to greet Jongin. The T-shirt and denim jeans makes him look absolutely adorable (which Jongin has come to realize is completely unrelated to what he wears).

“Why are you here?” Jongin has to ask, though he’s happy about seeing him here.

“Baekhyun.”

“Baekhyun? He’s here?” Jongin looks around but the lounge is empty apart from the two of them. “Where is he?”

“With Chanyeol.”

Jongin hadn’t realized how close his friend had grown to Baekhyun. He makes a mental note to pursue this topic with Chanyeol, which he really should have done so a long time ago, and fixates his attention on Kyungsoo again.

“Did you sleep well last night?”

His throat goes dry all of a sudden and that’s when he remembers what he’s here for. Kyungsoo’s silence would be deafening if not for the humming from the vending machine as he slots his coins in and chooses his drink. He only speaks up when Jongin squats down to get his can drink.

“I slept okay,” he says, and he’s smiling when Jongin looks up at him. He has to force himself to look away after that. Kyungsoo’s smiling face has always made him feel sensations. “Did you sleep well?”

He straightens to his height. “Really well. Haven’t slept so well in ages.”

Kyungsoo asks the same question he did the night he saved Jongin from himself. “You nervous?”

Jongin settles down on the bench and gestures for Kyungsoo to sit down beside him. He does. There is still a small gap between them but he can feel the warmth radiating off Kyungsoo very intensely and he answers honestly. “Not anymore.” There’s just something about Kyungsoo.

They look at each other then, the air thickening with tension as Jongin wonders why his heart is beating erratically again and he can’t stop thinking of how good it felt having Kyungsoo in his arms. Neither attempt to break the eye-contact, and Jongin is just about to ask where he’s headed after this when the announcement for all freestyle swimmers to proceed to the venue shatters the magic of the moment.

Jongin gets to his feet, leaving his untouched can drink on the bench. Kyungsoo mirrors his action and doesn’t quite look into Jongin’s eyes when they are face-to-face again.

Kyungsoo beats him before he has a chance to ask if he’s going to go out to the spectator stand by murmuring “all the best”, and that simple statement spun little threads of tenderness from out Jongin’s heart towards his. Then it’s his body that takes control, seeking the warmth it had grown used to in just one night, when he reaches out and draws Kyungsoo into a hug.

He hopes Baekhyun doesn’t choose to return at this moment, he’s not ready to explain anything yet when he doesn’t know what’s happening in his own heart. There’s a kind of battle that’s going on, and Jongin is helpless as he tilts his head slightly, inhaling the familiar scent of Kyungsoo’s shampoo. Everything has grown familiar.

“Thank you,” is whispered right against Kyungsoo’s ear, his lips grazing the soft skin.

Jongin already feels like he’s swimming. He has never felt so free. Just having Kyungsoo beside him is enough.

His heartbeat only accelerates when he releases Kyungsoo for the second time that day, and it’s not a good thing for someone who is about to swim in the finals, so Jongin restrains himself from any further verbal exchanges with Kyungsoo and pivots on his heels.

It fortunately returns to normal by the time he steps through the door again. The wild cheering that reaches his ears is distracting enough to separate him from all thoughts of Kyungsoo and the guilt that sets in when he thinks about Jieun somewhere in the audience.

-

His body is arched, one foot against the slanted area of the dive block, and his ears awaiting the telltale signal. Today, again, like yesterday, his body is perfectly synchronized when the signal sounds and his form flawless when the water rushes forward to take him into its cradle.

The dolphin kicks, then his arms start swinging forward. Waves of vitality drive him forward. He has always liked swimming so much because it transports him to another world where nobody can interfere. Just him and the water. He forces himself to keep his gaze forward instead of trying to catch the progress of the swimmers in the adjacent lanes.

Forward, forward, forward. Flip-turn. He’s not tired at all. He keeps pushing forward, harder, faster, stronger. He’s part of the water now as it entwines him, accepting him as its own. Just a little more to go.

Distant memories come and go, of the first time he dived into the water and felt the connection instantly, of the first swimming lesson he had, of his first ever tournament which he came in first place and convinced his parents that their son was indeed a natural. They flash by too quickly for him to really indulge in anything, and the only time he lets the thoughts about winning flood in is when he reaches forward to touch the tile. It doesn’t drag him down. It gives him the final shove forward, and Jongin surfaces only to drown under roaring applause.

He lifts his gaze to the scoreboard, nearly trembling, his heart frenetic more from the nerves than the strenuous swimming he just did. The digits beside his name flash. 47.83 seconds. He has just smashed the tournament record for the freestyle event.

When he finally comes to terms with the fact that this is reality, he has won, he has conquered all of his own expectations, he breaks into a grin. This euphoric feeling is one that flies him straight to heaven, his wings strong and steady, the best indication of how much hard work he has put into swimming ever since he discovered his affinity with the water.

The swimmer in the lane to his right gives him a congratulatory high-five and Jongin’s cheeks are aching from grinning so widely when he gets out of the pool, wrapping a towel around himself. He looks to the audience, and though he doesn’t manage to spot Kyungsoo this time, doesn’t even know if he’s among them, hopes that he has at least seen his performance from the live broadcast in the lounge if he’s still there.

(Kyungsoo did see his performance from the live broadcast on the television in the lounge where he sat waiting for Baekhyun, and his grin was as wide as Jongin’s when the alphabets TR flashed beside his timing. Had Jongin been there, the sight of Kyungsoo looking so happy because of him would have melted his heart completely.)


	4. Chapter 4

Jongin has never been one for crowded places. He doesn’t like noisy places, he can’t think when he’s in one, and there’s just something about being surrounded by so many strangers that annoys the hell out of him. This is precisely why he’s having a little difficulty remembering why he’s standing at the entrance to the carnival in a striped tank top and his most comfortable pants with two iced lemonades in his hands.

It’s the annual summer carnival; Jongin used to come here a lot as a kid until he grew older and got tired of everyone and everything. He has just managed to convince himself that it’s merely because he wants to reminisce and bask in nostalgia when the person he’s waiting for shows up.

Kyungsoo looks good in white. The colour of his loose T-shirt really brings out the paleness of his skin, a skin tone Jongin gave up on when he made the decision to swim and train in open pools. His stature looks even smaller in his oversized T-shirt and he looks so absurdly adorable, Jongin finds himself swallowing thickly as he approaches him with steady footsteps.

There is nothing that looks purer than him right now, looking so bright and his eyes so wide under the summer sun. He smiles when he gets to Jongin and accepts the iced lemonade with a grateful smile, taking a generous sip. Jongin looks away for a moment, his mind gone fuzzy.

“I haven’t been here since I was a kid,” Kyungsoo informs him, his eyes glazing over momentarily when he looks towards the other world just behind the gates.

Jongin swings his gaze away only when Kyungsoo turns back to him. “Me too,” he says.

“Thanks for asking me here.”

Summer has never been Jongin’s favorite season, especially now when the sun is starting to glare down at them mercilessly. He spares a moment to hesitate before deciding fuck it, and swings his arm across Kyungsoo’s shoulders as casually as he can.

“Thanks for coming,” he replies with a lopsided grin, and as the memories of his childhood come rushing back, angles them towards the carnival. “Let’s go.”

Kyungsoo doesn’t say anything about the arm Jongin has around him, and instead allows him to guide them through the entrance and into a world he has almost forgotten entirely.

Nothing much has changed; still the same old red-and-white striped tents and a portable ferris-wheel that looks more impressive at night when the darkness is enough to disguise the obvious temporariness of it and the capsules alive with beaded strings of neon light. He knows there is a big carousel at the heart of the carnival and has his own heart set on reliving his childhood today, and can only hope Kyungsoo will share his sentiments when the time comes.

For now they walk around in exploration, his arm no longer around Kyungsoo’s shoulders because it’s way too warm for their bodies to be so closely stuck together. Jongin has traded that for a grip around Kyungsoo’s wrist instead, ready with the pretext that he doesn’t want them to get separated if Kyungsoo asks. Fortunately, he doesn’t, and Jongin forgets that it’s something that should matter at all.

Jongin tries his luck at a ping-pong toss booth and fails miserably, but the money wasted is a fair deal for the laughter he draws out of Kyungsoo with his lousy attempts to win a prize. Kyungsoo has been laughing a lot more around him lately and not only is it an indication of their strengthening relationship, but also a clear signal that he’s starting to get to know Kyungsoo for who he really is. He knows just what to say to make him laugh, and Kyungsoo’s laughter has become such a familiar soundtrack in his mind. He has also noticed that Kyungsoo doesn’t hide behind his camera so much anymore, like he has decided to experience life through his own senses instead of his lenses.

They buy some corn dogs along the way (Kyungsoo likes his with lots of ketchup) and Jongin finally resigns to his fate of being absolutely shit at anything that involves tossing when he scores a big fat 0 at the water-balloon basketball booth. Kyungsoo, on the other hand, fares considerably better and manages to win himself a lollipop, which he offers to Jongin.

Their moods are completely festive by the time the face-painting booth comes into sight, and Jongin, feeling adventurous and used to the feeling of Kyungsoo’s body, doesn’t hesitate to take Kyungsoo’s hand and pull him towards the booth. The short queue results in a 5 minutes wait but it’s one well-spent as they talk about what else they’d like to do, and Kyungsoo tells him that there’s an apple orchard nearby they can visit when they get tired.

It doesn’t matter that the customers before them are all little kids, Jongin remembers this as his favorite part of the carnival and under the adroitness of the face-painter, transforms into a ringmaster with cherry-red stars lining his left eye and a sapphire crescent on his right. Nothing too exaggerated or childish, and Jongin is pretty satisfied with what he sees in the mirror, until the face-painter adds a spontaneous moustache right below his nose.

Kyungsoo declines to get one for himself and laughs at Jongin for looking ridiculous. Then they continue to make their way through the mass of people, feeling more and more like their childhood selves as they inch closer and closer to the carousel.

When they do get to the carousel, the main attraction of the carnival, the monstrous queue of even more monstrous kids dampens their enthusiasm and it’s Kyungsoo who suggests coming back later when the crowd has thinned. They buy more snacks and proceed to the apple orchard Jongin has never been to, but has high expectations of because it seems like a really nice and quiet place according to Kyungsoo’s description.

It’s on the hill beside the carnival, and Jongin is thankful for the extremely thin material of his tank-top as they trudge up the slope, arms wrapped around popcorn and more corn dogs. The festivity from the carnival eventually fade into quietness as they leave that makeshift world behind, something embraced by both in their tired states. When they finally reach the apple orchard, Jongin’s body is covered in a sheen of perspiration.

They step through the wooden fence gate and there is not a single person in sight as far as his eyes can reach, and the serenity and seclusion of this place is everything he has ever dreamt of. They leave behind all irrelevant thoughts too, like Jongin’s thoughts of the girlfriend he knows he’s not in love with and the confusion he feels when it comes to Kyungsoo.

“Are we trespassing?” Jongin asks as he looks around at the surrounding trees, the apples looking ripe enough to harvest. It’s sorely tempting to get one for himself right now.

Kyungsoo takes a bite of his corn dog. “I don’t think so,” he says between mouthfuls, “or at least I’ve never been caught.”

“When was the last time you came here?”

“Huh.” Kyungsoo pauses. “A long time ago.”

Jongin sighs, his words dripping with sarcasm when he replies, “That’s very reassuring.”

A nudge from Kyungsoo fixes him and Jongin realizes he doesn’t care even if they’re trespassing. What matters is that they’re here, together, now.

He allows Kyungsoo, who is definitely more well-acquainted with this place than he is, to guide him along until they reach the corner of the orchard. They choose a tall tree to settle against, the trunk broad enough to accommodate the both of them. Their shoulders are pressed together and it’s not so warm in the shade of the branches.

Kyungsoo’s only left with the popcorn to consume when Jongin starts on his corn dog, and he waits patiently for the latter to devour his so they can share the last of their food. A very comfortable silence threads through the air around them as they eat, a perfect summer reeling out.

The last popcorn they reach for at the same time breaks the tranquility and neither seem willing to relent as they stare at each other, the backs of their hands colliding in the popcorn box.

“Give it to me,” Kyungsoo demands tyrannically, though his eyes are soft and his lips look even softer and the summer heat is stealing Jongin’s rationality away.

“Why should I?”

The truth is, Jongin was only waiting for him to ask for it, he would do anything Kyungsoo wanted him to. But he wants to tease Kyungsoo anyway, wants to see if he’ll act coquettishly to get what he wants (and would very much love to).

“Because I want it,” Kyungsoo says righteously with a wry, upward quirk of his lips. “And because you look ridiculous right now.”

“It doesn’t work like—” Jongin gets the air knocked out of him before he can finish his sentence, shoved to the side by Kyungsoo who’s actually much stronger than he thinks he is. Kyungsoo makes use of that swing of momentum to grab the final popcorn and deliver it into his mouth before Jongin gets a chance to retaliate.

His smile is ridiculously triumphant, and it’s the widest Jongin has ever seen, his lips practically stretched from ear to ear. It only accentuates the prettiness of his lips, so plump and pink, his teeth so neat and cheeks so full. His smiling eyes are pretty, like the rest of him, and it’s at this moment with the summer sun warming his skin as they sit with their backs against an apple tree that the realization finally dawns upon him.

He has found a soul that fits wholly with his, and it’s Do Kyungsoo’s.

Everything that was confusing makes sense now. His feelings for Kyungsoo are different like he had admitted to himself, only because he’s in romantic love with the person smiling so widely beside him. He’s in love with Kyungsoo, someone who feels more comfortable exploring the world behind a camera, someone whom he can sit in perfect silence with and still feel connected to, someone he wants to protect forever and ever.

It has just never struck him because Jongin doesn’t think he’s gay— he pays more attention to girls— so how does he explain his attraction towards Kyungsoo?

The summer heat forces all these concerns to melt into the back of his mind. They don’t matter now when Kyungsoo is still smiling, and they’re caught in a time capsule, and Jongin doesn’t know what to do about his feelings that only grow more and more profound by the second.

Soon they’ll be too much for him to contain.

His face must be frozen, because Kyungsoo’s smile fades and he asks “are you angry?” in a small voice.

Jongin shakes his head and at the same time shakes these thoughts away.

“I’m not,” he says with his most convincing smile and Kyungsoo seems to observe him for a little while before he, too, smiles.

“I’ll buy you one more box when we get back,” he promises, and even though that’s the last thing Jongin is concerned about, he nods.

There’s no way to undo this heavy realization. It’s something that he carries with him for the rest of the day, but it’s not so bad, it’s not something Jongin intends to fight against. In fact, it’s not bad at all.

He’s in love with Kyungsoo. And it feels great to be in love with the most amazing person in this universe.

 

-

The photography club-room is already starting to feel like home, the respite it offers is the same as what he gets in bed and in the pool. Jongin closes the door quietly after him, pleased to see Kyungsoo at the desk. He had hoped to see this, but had not dared to count on it. After all, he has never been here during a break between lessons.

But he just couldn’t wait anymore. His classmates can’t bring him the same joy Kyungsoo can.

“You look really happy,” Jongin observes, feeling his own lips quirk into a similar smile.

Kyungsoo glances up at him from his camera. “Yeah,” he says breezily. “Something nice happened.”

“Oh? What happened?”

Jongin leans forward, steadying his weight on his elbows.

“This.” The camera is pushed towards him and Jongin picks it up gingerly, not fully trusting himself with Kyungsoo’s dearest object. He peers at the screen, coming face to face with a close-up shot of a squirrel with a fluffy tail and an acorn.

“A squirrel?” he asks, looking up at Kyungsoo whose smile looks smug now.

“Yup.”

“You took this?”

“Uh-huh.”

Jongin studies the photo. “This shot is really clear and close-up. Did you zoom in?”

Kyungsoo answers only when Jongin looks at him again, and his eyes are curled into twinning crescents, the absolute cutest. “No. I got really close to this little fella. He didn’t run away or anything. Just remained there eating his nut.”

“No way.”

“I know! He wasn’t even scared of me.”

“Where did you take this photo?”

“When I was on my way home yesterday,” Kyungsoo answers, his words rolling out readily with excitement. Jongin watches him talk with sparkling eyes. “I took a few more photos, you can look at them. He started sniffing at my hand after a while.”

The squirrel isn’t as fascinating to Jongin as it is to Kyungsoo, but Jongin complies and looks through the photos anyway. He maneuvers his gaze from the screen to Kyungsoo as much as he can, finding the smile on Kyungsoo’s face more worthy of his attention.

“Really cute,” Jongin says honestly, about the photos and the photographer. He hands the camera back to Kyungsoo who retrieves it with a wide grin, and deems it fit to scan through his masterpieces again.

That gives Jongin enough space to keep his eyes steadily fixated on Kyungsoo’s face, taking in the innocent happiness and gentleness. And a thought that’s as soft as a cloud settles in his mind.

He really wouldn’t mind sharing all of Kyungsoo’s happiness, sadness, worries, fears. All of them.

In fact, watching Kyungsoo smiling so brightly over something so trivial makes him feel a little envious. He wants to be able to make Kyungsoo the happiest he could ever be. He wants to be good to him and to give him everything he can possibly want.

“I think he got bored after a while, though. He just scurried away.”

“Hey.”

“Hm?”

For the first few seconds of their eye-contact, all Jongin can do is try to remember what he had wanted to say. Kyungsoo is an appropriate distance away, but for some reason all he can see is his eyes, and it’s difficult to even breathe when he knows he’s being held in the depths of those beautiful orbs.

Jongin smiles when the words start to come back.

“Maybe he let you come close because he thought you were a squirrel too. You’re his size.” His intention was to tease, but his tone is so gentle he might as well replace his words with confessions of love.

Kyungsoo blinks, then narrows his eyes.

“Just kidding!” Jongin adds hastily, and hopes they won’t be his last words.

The affable smile on Kyungsoo lets him know he’s safe, that he isn’t really mad.

“You better be,” Kyungsoo mutters, turning back to his camera with the same expression.

Jongin spends the rest of his time there just looking at Kyungsoo, keeping his head up the entire time. Sunlight spills in through the open window to join Kyungsoo’s smile, and Jongin trades darkness for the dawn.

-

“How does that feel around your neck?”

Jongin grins at Sehun’s question and wraps his fingers around the medal, lifting it up slightly just to feel the weight of it.

“Better than sex,” he assures Sehun, who contemplates over his answer as he touches his own medal and then nods.

“I’ve never had sex but you’re probably right.”

It’s not like Jongin’s very experienced, having done it only twice with Jieun, and they were drunk out of their minds on both occasions so the details are very hazy. But he still thinks he’s right. “I probably am.”

They stand on their makeshift podium, overlooking the next batch of swimmers who are mostly looking in awe at their seniors who brought home so many gold medals this time.

It’s a private farewell ceremony for the seniors and Jongin feels his heart sink a little when Lu Han steps forward as the new captain. He can’t believe he’s stepping down. There’s no saying how things will play out in the future or if he’ll be able to continue swimming like this. All he wants to do is make the best out of his remaining time here even though they don’t have any more official trainings. Now he can swim just because he wants to. That thought makes him feel better.

The ceremony ends smoothly and Lu Han takes over instantly with their coach away on vacation. He whistles to indicate the start of training and Jongin remains by the pool, watching them. He’s itching to dive in and swim and nearly does that when something warm touches his shoulder. He spins around, coming face to face with Chanyeol.

Jongin looks past him and sees the other guys lounging in the locker room, brandishing their medals like little kids. It makes him smile before fixing his gaze on Chanyeol again.

“Feeling nostalgic already?”

Jongin looks towards the pool. It feels like yesterday when he dived into this pool for the very first time. “Yeah,” he admits. “I’ll miss this.”

“You’ll keep on swimming in college, won’t you?”

Truthfully, Jongin doesn’t really know what he’s intending to do yet. He hasn’t figured out if the world of competitive swimming is really something he wants. He’s happy as long as he gets to swim, which is why he hasn’t responded to the numerous sports scholarship offers he has received. Rather than the pool, he wants to swim somewhere open and clear. The feeling of triumphing in the water is liberating, he won’t deny how good winning makes him feel, but he’s afraid the emphasis on winning if he decides to continue swimming in college would make him forget the pureness of his love for swimming.

“I’ll never stop swimming,” is the only answer he can offer and Chanyeol takes it.

They continue watching the training, though they only paid attention for the first few minutes, now lost in memories. It’s after Lu Han ends their training when Jongin is shoved forward by a force that strikes him between his shoulderblades and lands clumsily into the pool with a loud splash.

Some juniors eye him as they heave themselves out of the pool but Jongin only pays half-hearted attention to them because he’s more caught up in pulling Chanyeol into the pool with him, which he doesn’t succeed in doing. He gives up soon after, tired but happy, floating in the pool.

Chanyeol squats at the edge of the pool and examines Jongin for a long moment. They’re not alone yet, but he knows he’s safe to ask his question when the subdued chatters of their teammates drift into his ears.

“Hey, Jongin.”

“Hmm?”

“What’s going on between you and Kyungsoo?”

Jongin cracks open an eye, looking lazily at him. “What?”

“There’s something going on between you guys, isn’t there?”

Jongin stops floating, lets himself sink completely and stays there blowing air bubbles until he runs out of breath. When he resurfaces, Chanyeol is still waiting for him, his inquisitive eyes a little overwhelming right now.

“We’re friends.”

“Is that all?”

“What are you trying to ask?”

The water is doing a great job in calming him down. Jongin’s heartbeat is undoubtedly a little faster, but otherwise he still feels rather calm. He creates a small wave with his hands and blasts it at Chanyeol who doesn’t even flinch.

“You seem to… really… like him.” He pauses several times, and Jongin can almost see the gears in his brain spinning as he tries to come up with the right words. The emphasis on ‘really’ makes Jongin avert his gaze.

Maybe it’s the water, or maybe Jongin has already fully come to terms with the fact that his feelings for Kyungsoo are romantic. All he has to decide now is whether he wants to come clean with Chanyeol. In the end, he decides to skirt around the issue.

“I do,” he says.

If Chanyeol had followed up with asking about the nature of his fondness, Jongin would have been honest. But his friend loses that opportunity as he nods thoughtfully.

“I see.”

“What about you and Baekhyun?”

“We’re friends too.” Chanyeol extends an arm out to him, his trademark grin stirring up feelings of guilt in Jongin for not voluntarily telling him about his feelings for Kyungsoo. “Let’s go, the boys want to celebrate.”

Jongin doesn’t hesitate in grabbing his hand and gets hauled up and out of the pool easily. He falls into step beside Chanyeol, but his mind wanders elsewhere as his friend says something about the club they’re intending to go to. Just mentioning Kyungsoo’s name makes him miss him, makes him want to see him right now.

But he can only think about him helplessly when Chanyeol throws an arm around him and drags him back to the locker room to rejoin his circle of teammates. Oh well. Kyungsoo will just have to wait.

-

The ground just has to stop moving enough for him to make his way towards the front door safely. It lurches and Jongin holds out his hands before him to steady himself, trying not to slur his words as he informs Sunwoo that of course he’s absolutely fine, he’s not drunk at all, and this is definitely his house.

Jongin doesn’t notice when Sunwoo drives off. He takes one step at a time, the world spinning, his cheeks warm, and manages to stumble onto the porch without breaking anything. There, he musters enough sense to take a deep breath before jabbing his finger into the doorbell. His body slumps against the doorframe.

In his haste to get out of the car with two other drunk passengers and their rowdiness, he had forgotten to look out for the window of light, his beacon in this darkness. But it doesn’t really matter, because he’s here anyway, and he’s not leaving until he sees Kyungsoo. That’s the only thought on his mind so when the sight of the woodgrain door continues to burn into his eyes, he frowns and jabs at the doorbell again. And again. And again. And again. Until it swings open and he nearly tumbles forward, his balance lost for a fleeting moment. And he thinks that wouldn’t be so much of a bad thing to do if he could tumble into the arms of the person standing before him, looking so handsome in his sweatpants and shirt.

“Hi.” Jongin imagines his smile to be suave.

Kyungsoo doesn’t look overjoyed. “My brother’s home,” he says, and it takes a while for Jongin to wonder why he has to tell him that when it’s not like he’s here to do anything naughty—then recalls how many times he had so rudely set off the doorbell earlier. The alcohol had robbed him of sensibility, but it had not robbed him of decency. His face is on fire, from the shame and drunkenness.

“Sorry.”

Kyungsoo just sweeps his gaze over him, sighing. “Come on in,” he eventually says, and Jongin isn’t so much of a drunk animal anymore when he steps into the house. Clarity comes wherever Kyungsoo is.

His brother is probably in his room because the house looks just as empty as ever and Jongin takes his time to conquer the stairs, his steps shaky and hands wrapped around the railings for support. Kyungsoo follows after him patiently, his footsteps light compared to Jongin’s heavy and unsteady ones.

When they reach the top, Jongin feels a little lost. The world is still spinning, though not as badly as before, and even Kyungsoo is swaying from side to side. He grabs Kyungsoo’s arms, trying to pin him in place. Kyungsoo just watches him with his wide eyes, a million questions swimming in those orbs.

“Take a shower first,” he eventually suggests, nudging him towards the bathroom. “You’ll feel better.”

If there’s anybody in this world who can tell Jongin what to do, it’s Kyungsoo. He’s the only person Jongin listens to. Jongin doesn’t say another word. He nods and makes his way into the bathroom after Kyungsoo promises to get some clothes for him when he’s done with his shower.

The drunkenness slips away from him when the water from the showerhead rains down on him, the droplets rolling down his face as he keeps his head tilted back. It clears his fuzzy mind and he lets the water wash away all remaining dregs of the outside world, the people and the stress and the guilt. He’s been avoiding Jieun like the plague lately and he knows it’s wrong, he knows it’s so unfair to treat a good girl who has been nothing but nice to him like that, but he still needs some time to figure out his own feelings and what he intends to do. These thoughts spiral down the shower drain and there’s nothing holding Jongin down when he leaves the bathroom with a towel wrapped around his torso.

There’s no need to feel conscious; it’s not like Kyungsoo has never seen him half-naked, but a wave of self-consciousness still strikes him when he opens the door to Kyungsoo’s room. He finds Kyungsoo sitting at his desk with his back turned to Jongin and a change of clothes waiting for him at the edge of the bed.

Nobody talks until Jongin has changed, his body warm and relaxed from the shower, and Kyungsoo’s oversized T-shirt fits so perfectly and comfortably on him that he feels home.

“What are you doing?” His tongue still feels a little thick.

Kyungsoo spares him a glance then, his fingers twiddling with his DSLR camera. “Something’s wrong with my camera.”

Jongin walks over, resting his hands on Kyungsoo’s shoulder. They don’t tense up like they used to. He’s used to Jongin’s touch now.

“Anything I can do to help?”

“Just go to sleep. You’re drunk.”

“Was.”

“Are.”

He pokes Kyungsoo’s chin. “I’m sober now!”

“It’s fine,” Kyungsoo says with a small sigh. “I’ll just bring it to the shop tomorrow.”

“Okay. Time for bed?” Jongin suggests, an easy smile spreading, spreading wider when Kyungsoo agrees and switches off the desk-lamp with a flick of his wrist. It’s Jongin who leads him to the bed, now his sanctuary, a safe place to rest his weary bones.

It’s not deliberate when he crosses over the halfway mark, really, he’s just a little drunk, and it’s the alcohol’s fault when he ignores the boundary completely and scoots closer to Kyungsoo so that their bodies are pressed together.

Kyungsoo stares at him.

“You can ask whatever you wanted to ask now,” Jongin informs him, propping his head up on his fist.

Kyungsoo seems a little taken aback. He recovers quickly. “Why did you come here?”

Jongin hums softly. “I don’t know,” he begins, his heartbeat quickening as confessions start to spill from his lips. “I just wanted to see you. Is that weird?”

There’s nothing quite as lovely as Kyungsoo’s eyes, he thinks as he inadvertently leans in a little more. Nothing quite as bright, nothing quite as full of life, nothing quite as mesmerizing. He would take a midnight dip in them if he could.

Kyungsoo doesn’t answer, doesn’t get a chance to because before he can say anything, Jongin’s lips are pressed against his in the gentlest way possible and they’re warm, he’s not used to this warmth, he’s—

“I think I like you, Kyungsoo,” is whispered against the other’s lips, the words warm and heavy and he can’t breathe.

Jongin sustains the kiss even as Kyungsoo doesn’t respond, doesn’t seem to know what to say or do, doesn’t look as though he can even think of anything when Jongin is so sincere and raw.

“I like you so much,” Jongin continues and draws away slightly when they both run out of breath. “Kyungsoo.” The words had been caught in his throat earlier, latched onto it, but Kyungsoo’s glossy gaze was enough to make them tumble out so carelessly, so unconsciously. They are all just falling out now without any restraint or the need for it.

When Kyungsoo still doesn’t say anything, he kisses him again, calls his name, and then kisses him again and again, and calls out the same name over and over again.

He kisses him insistently, sweetly, hopefully, running his tongue over Kyungsoo’s lips and keeps working on them until finally, finally, they part slightly and Jongin slips his tongue in without a second to lose. Kyungsoo’s tongue is hot and it sends a jolt of electricity through him. It’s obvious Kyungsoo is inexperienced as he tries to keep up with what Jongin is doing, although he remains pretty passive.

Jongin sweeps his tongue over his neat rows of teeth, then engages Kyungsoo’s in a little tug-of-war, and just about loses his mind when he feels fingers weave through his hair. He has to pull away then, their lips separating with a wet pop, his heart frenzied.

Kyungsoo’s fingers are still tangled in his hair and he looks absolutely dazed, his eyelids at half-mast, his lips so pink and pretty, and Jongin melts into this impeccable existence.

Jongin wants to lean in again and kiss him until the end of time but there’s one question he has to ask.

“Do you like me?”

“You still taste like alcohol.”

“Kyungsoo, I know what I’m doing. I like you. Do you like me?”

His own arms are curled protectively around Kyungsoo’s waist and there’s only one answer he wishes to hear when Kyungsoo fits so perfectly in his arms. He wants to hear him say yes, wants his feelings to be returned.

Instead, Kyungsoo murmurs, “I don’t know.”

Jongin draws him closer, tightening his arms around him. “That’s fine.” He runs his hands up and down Kyungsoo’s body, nothing sexual, just wanting to validate his presence with his palms. They graze hard angles and flat slopes but there’s still a certain softness and pliancy and Jongin thinks this is it for him.

“I’m not gay, you know,” he whispers into Kyungsoo’s ear, the serenity of the night closing in on them as he does. “It’s just you.”

This is better. He can’t possibly look into Kyungsoo’s eyes again when his heart still won’t stop racing. It might just burst with love if he looks at the face that’s in most of his recent dreams, the face he thinks of all the time. So he just holds Kyungsoo’s face to his chest, holds him against his heart, holds him dear.

They both lie awake for a long time, their faces shadowed in the dim illumination coming from the bedside lamp. There’s no telling who drifted off first, but neither do until their heartbeats have regained a normal pace. Neither of them moves, not even a single centimetre. The first rays of daylight arrive to find them wrapped in each other’s arms, legs tangled and hearts even more so.

-

Jongin leaves before Kyungsoo awakens, taking great care in untangling their limbs and moving as quietly as he can out of the room. The throbbing of his head only registers when he’s halfway down the stairs and he winces a little, hoping he doesn’t run into Kyungsoo’s brother.

The house is quiet, the morning still fresh, and Jongin manages to leave without running into anyone. It’s obvious Kyungsoo needs some time to think and he doesn’t know what to say to him if he stayed, so Jongin tucks his hands into his pockets and slowly makes his way home. It takes him much longer on foot but it’s not so bad because the crisp morning air alleviates his headache and soothes his hangover.

He thinks about Kyungsoo the entire way home, about how his lips had felt against his and the uncertainty in his eyes like he had been holding something back. He has definitely become comfortable in Jongin’s presence, he talks a lot more than he used to, but last night there seemed to be a wall between them.

Jongin doesn’t want to push it. He’ll never push Kyungsoo. A million happy memories surface in his mind as his footsteps fall into a steady rhythm, and it’s mornings like this that he really appreciates— when the world is quiet and his thoughts are flowing freely. He doesn’t regret confessing at all, but he’ll give Kyungsoo more time to think about it. It was what he had to do.

It’s starting to get warm by the time he gets home and he heads straight to bed after greeting his parents. He puts off taking a shower for as long as he can because he doesn’t want to change out of Kyungsoo’s clothes, doesn’t want to wash away Kyungsoo’s lingering smell, doesn’t want to forget how his skin had felt under his fingertips.

Even when he drifts into sleep, it’s still Kyungsoo who comes to mind.

-

Patience and effort are the two things that will always pay off—that’s his biggest takeaway from competitive swimming and Jongin tries his best to stick to that the entire weekend. By the time Monday rolls around, he’s already at his limit and desperate to see Kyungsoo.

He doesn’t know how he did it, but he manages to wait until school is officially over and swims a few laps in the pool for moral boost before he makes his way to the photography club room with springs in his feet. The same whitewashed walls and everything that he associates with Kyungsoo very fondly comes into sight, but the person sitting at the table is not Kyungsoo and Jongin frowns.

Baekhyun looks up at him. “Hey, what’s up?”

“Uh.”

“Are you looking for Kyungsoo?”

“Yeah, is he here?”

Baekhyun gathers the photographs before him and slides them into a manila folder. “No, he’s the photographer in charge of the golf-club and they have a match today, so…”

Golf-club. Raven hair and an easy smile. Joonmyeon. President.

His stomach twists painfully. “Oh. Will he be coming back to school?”

“I don’t know ‘bout that,” Baekhyun says. “It depends on what time the match ends.”

“I see.”

“I know where to find them if you need to…?”

It feels like someone has him in a chokehold. He can’t think straight. The raven hair. The easy smile. The way he had grabbed Kyungsoo at the party. Is this jealousy?

“It’s fine,” Jongin assures him with a smile, already backing out of the room. “Thanks for your help.”

The door slams loudly behind him. It makes him want to run and run and run until he arrives where Kyungsoo is and can be sure that he’s fine and that nobody else is laying a hand on him. It’s stupid, it’s stupid, come on, it’s stupid. Jongin’s hands are rolled into tight fists. Stupid, stupid, stupid.

“Jongin!”

He knows who is calling him without having to look up. Jieun has her hair pulled into a loose ponytail today and she looks pretty as she always does. But her lips are not like Kyungsoo’s, they’re thinner and her eyes are not like Kyungsoo’s, they’re smaller and she’s not Kyungsoo, she’s not.

“Jieun,” he acknowledges weakly.

“Is something wrong?”

Yes. He looks into her earnest eyes and the tidal wave of guilt washes over him, pulling him down, down, down. He wants to run away and dive into the pool and swim so he doesn’t have to deal with any of this.

But he has to.

It’s the uncertainty in Kyungsoo’s eyes he focuses on in his mind rather than Jieun who is tugging at his hand now, wondering what’s wrong. All he knows is that she doesn’t deserve this. She deserves honesty and someone who can love her, and that someone is not Jongin.

“Jieun.”

“Jongin, what is it? You’re scaring me. Are you unwell?” He takes a step back to avoid the hand she raises to touch his forehead and she’s visibly taken aback. Jongin has to force himself to keep his eyes trained on her. He wants to swim. He doesn’t want to be here.

Damn it.

“We need to talk.”

The light in her eyes goes out and Jongin wants to take his words back instantly, but then the uncertainty in Kyungsoo’s eyes comes back to mind and he knows this is the right choice. For Kyungsoo. For himself.

His voice is firmer. “Let’s go somewhere quieter.”


	5. Chapter 5

Rainy days are best spent in bed; the world outside is cold, the earth is damp, and a warm bed is the best fortress against the mysteriousness of the rain. Yet here Jongin is, in his Volkswagen Jetta, the headlights on and illuminating the bricked walls, the raindrops that would have escaped attention in the darkness otherwise.

He loosens his grip on the steering wheel and leaves the keys in to leave the headlights on. Cold raindrops strike him the moment he opens the door and Jongin tries to embrace them. They fall onto his hair, his face, his body, everywhere, and he takes his time making his way to the porch since he’s already soaked. It feels good, actually. Water is still water.

The house seems to be empty, no lights, no signs of life. He settles down on the step, stretching his legs out before him. He looks ahead, at the raindrops caught in the yellow light, and watches them fall. Watches them roll down Jieun’s face. Watches her heart break before him.

He doesn’t want to say sorry anymore. It’s his fault for being an asshole, but he can’t help that he’s just not in love with her, he doesn’t think he has ever been. Although it still makes him wonder if he did the right thing. The raindrops continues to crash onto the ground and Jongin continues to watch Jieun cry, his heart a mess. That image just won’t go away and the voices in his head won’t shut up.

It feels strange to have someone consume his thoughts so entirely besides Kyungsoo.

He doesn’t wait too long, or he just hasn’t been keeping track of time, when the person he’s been waiting for appears. It’s a silhouette he barely manages to make out until he comes closer and it’s Kyungsoo under an umbrella as the weight of the world smashes onto the canopy.

“Jongin?” Kyungsoo calls out uncertainly, stopping in his tracks a few feet away from Jongin, still in the rain.

“Hey,” Jongin responds weakly.

Kyungsoo shifts a little and suddenly he’s caught in the headlights along with the rain, his countenance a marvellous antidote to Jongin’s bruised heart. The rain falling, falling, falling, and Jongin, falling, falling, falling, for the boy underneath the umbrella.

Jieun’s tears falling. Kyungsoo’s kind eyes. Kyungsoo.

“You’re soaked,” Kyungsoo observes from where he is, his voice muffled by the sound of the rain. It’s difficult to look at him when the light behind him is blinding.

“I’m fine. Did you have to walk home in the rain?”

“I went back to school first after the match so it’s nothing much. Are you okay?”

“I’m fine,” Jongin repeats. “I just wanted to make sure of something.”

He looks at Kyungsoo standing before him in his uniform, his backpack hitched on one shoulder, and feels his heart swell with so much fondness and adoration it’s getting hard to breathe.

“Have you made sure of it?”

He looks at Kyungsoo standing before him. His chest is so full, so warm, so filled with love.

“Yes,” he has to say, voice feeble against the background rhythm of falling raindrops. “I have.”

Kyungsoo doesn’t pursue the subject. “Alright.” He remains where he is, looking as if he’s waiting for Jongin to go to him. Jongin does that. He gets up to his feet, his sneakers squelching.

“I’m not staying tonight.”

“Okay.”

“Hey, Kyungsoo.”

The raindrops strike heavily at him again when he leaves the shelter of the porch, closing the distance between them. He has to keep his eyes open even as the headlights eat into them. Damp strands of his fringe poke into his eyes but Kyungsoo remains in his vision. Then the world goes quiet when he reaches his destination, now hidden away under Kyungsoo’s umbrella and staring right into his eyes. Peace, away from the cacophony of the rain. It takes him into another world, exactly like the way swimming does.

Kyungsoo doesn’t protest when Jongin pulls him in, his arms sliding around his waist loosely and holding him to his chest. He rests his head against Kyungsoo’s, a contented sigh slipping through his lips. Home in a storm. How violently he feels for Kyungsoo is a little frightening, almost like playing with lightning, but he’s never been one to deny his heart.

“I broke up with Jieun today.”

He can feel Kyungsoo taking a deep breath and it makes him smile. Everything Kyungsoo does makes him smile. He cups the back of his head with one hand, the other curled around his waist. Kyungsoo just holds onto his umbrella and keeps them protected.

“And I’ll wait for you, okay? I’ll wait until you can accept my feelings for you. That’s all I came to say.”

Quickly, he brushes his lips against the side of Kyungsoo’s face. Then he lets go of him and doesn’t look back until he’s in his car, his seat all damp now. Kyungsoo is still caught in the headlights, his back to him, like he’s still trying to make sense of what Jongin had told him.

It makes Jongin’s heart sink a little, but when Kyungsoo turns around to look at him, gives him a small smile, Jongin can’t help his own smile as he steps on the pedal and reverses out of Kyungsoo’s driveway. He has to remind himself to keep his eyes on the road and drive slowly because the rain is getting heavier, and having to hold on to his heart is a great distraction.

He doesn’t think of Jieun anymore.

-

The door swings open with a routined creak and he spots Kyungsoo on his usual stool. He looks up as Jongin takes a step in with a plastic bag clutched to his chest, holding it in such a tenacious manner Kyungsoo would have been convinced that his heart was contained within it.

“Hey,” Jongin greets him first. “What are you up to?”

“Finishing up my essay.”

The room feels particularly cozy tonight, deluged in delicate flavescent light with the envious moon peeking through the window. Jongin reaches the table in a few large strides, the plastic bag rustling as he sets it down before Kyungsoo.

“For you.”

“What is it?”

Kyungsoo drops his pen, his eyes wide with curiosity. Jongin just props his head up with a fist and watches him reach for it, smiling.

“You tell me.”

Kyungsoo pulls out a bag of chips, not just any bag of chips, but his favorite brand.

“You were craving for it earlier in the cafeteria, weren’t you?”

“Did you leave the school just to get this for me?” The interrogation catches him off-guard. It makes Jongin drop his gaze, unable to bear the intensity of Kyungsoo’s.

“It’s not too much trouble since I drove there. I hope you’re still craving for it.”

A wave of discomfort floods his mind, wondering if he had been too full of himself, buying Kyungsoo something he might not even want anymore.

“Did you get to swim yet?”

That question dispels his doubt and makes him reach over unknowingly just so he can brush his fingers against Kyungsoo’s cheek gently. This is what Kyungsoo had been worried about— the possibility that Jongin had to sacrifice his swimming-time to do something for him. He hopes his touch can put Kyungsoo at ease, can convey what his words might not be able to. “No,” he says with a small laugh. “Seeing you is already like swimming for me, so don’t worry about it.”

Kyungsoo tears open the bag and places it between them.

“Let’s share.”

Honestly, Jongin doesn’t like chips. He doesn’t like crunchy food in general. But as he looks into Kyungsoo’s earnest and grateful eyes, he finds himself grabbing a few and shoving them into his mouth before he can say anything stupid. If sharing is going to make Kyungsoo feel good, he’ll gladly do it.

He’ll do anything for Kyungsoo.

Kyungsoo gets some chips for himself only after Jongin has.

“It really wasn’t too much trouble,” Jongin has to remind him pointedly. “If you feel bad about it, don’t. Just think of it as doing me a favour. Doing things for you makes me happy, Kyungsoo. There are a lot of things I want to do for you.”

The sound of Kyungsoo chewing his mouthful of chips buys him some thinking time. He swallows before responding.

“You’re too good to me.”

Jongin laughs again. “Just because I got you chips? It’s nothing much, Kyungsoo.”

“I—I’m not used to this.”

He’s not the only one who isn’t used to this. Jongin isn’t used to whatever he’s feeling now either. It’s probably his first time putting anyone else before himself. He stops pretending and pushes the chips back towards Kyungsoo.

“Then,” he mutters, “you’re going to have to get used to it.”

-

The rain beats down mercilessly on his windscreen like small pellets trying to shatter the glass, running down as tears when they fall. Jongin circles the street for the third time, the wiper blades thrusting the gathered raindrops aside before they can swallow the sight of the gray buildings.

He’s just about to drive off, thinking Kyungsoo has already left, when the man he’s looking for emerges from the vintage camera shop he said he was coming to. Jongin grabs the umbrella lying on the passenger seat, his eyes trained on Kyungsoo who is now looking around with a frown.

In the few short seconds Jongin had taken to get his umbrella and step out of his car, Kyungsoo had very cleverly decided to step away from the shelter and into the rain with one hand raised above his head, as if that would keep him dry.

Too absorbed in fending off the rain, he doesn’t see Jongin until he’s halfway across the pavement. The world goes quiet when he does, no longer at the mercy of the rain but sheltered beneath the umbrella. Their eyes meet beneath the canopy, the vociferous pitter-pattering of the rain hushed into static. Jongin inhales the sight of him with a pained heart, mad at himself for not having found Kyungsoo earlier. Now he’s all soaked.

“Jongin?” Kyungsoo asks in disbelief despite the sufficiency of the face-to-face contact in addressing his doubt.

Jongin hums in acknowledgement, wiping away the dampness of Kyungsoo’s face with a swipe of his hand.

“What are you doing here?”

Jongin can think of more important things than that; his first priority is getting Kyungsoo to the car and drying him, but he stays where he is, ready to answer any question Kyungsoo has, ready to wait until Kyungsoo is willing to go with him.

“You told me you were coming here earlier,” he says in a clear voice. “And I got worried when it started raining. I thought you might have forgotten to bring an umbrella so I thought I’d just come and make sure, and I’m glad I did.”

Kyungsoo continues to regard him with wide eyes. It makes Jongin feel a little self-conscious so he pinches Kyungsoo’s cheek in hope of diverting some of his attention.

“What were you thinking trying to run out in the rain?” he asks, not caring even if he comes across as naggy.

Kyungsoo wipes his own face again, in a rougher manner than Jongin had done for him. “I don’t know, it didn’t look like the rain was going to stop anytime soon and I thought I could make it to the bus stop without getting too wet…”

Jongin laughs. “With your short legs? I don’t think so, Kyungsoo.” He reflexively ducks from the fist Kyungsoo raises to punch him, still laughing when he throws his arm around Kyungsoo and pulls him in, away from the rain. “Come on, let’s get you to the car.”

It’s a small umbrella and a tight fit beneath the canopy. The rain can’t be avoided completely. Jongin tilts the umbrella towards Kyungsoo, making sure he’s completely sheltered. He can’t feel the raindrops soaking through his own sleeves anyway, only how nicely Kyungsoo fits into the curve of his arm.

They take small, synchronized steps towards the vehicle, careful to avoid the puddles. The heavy downpour has Jongin’s side soaked by the time they get to the car. Kyungsoo crawls in while he holds the umbrella above the door opening, his back no longer shielded and taking the blows of the diagonal sheets of rain. After the door clicks shut, Jongin shivers slightly. It’s not as cold as it will be when November comes, but the summer warmth is long gone.

The first thing he reaches for when he gets into the car himself is his gym bag in the backseat while Kyungsoo lowers the A/C, the raindrops now resigned to pounding against the surface.

“Come here.”

Kyungsoo’s hair disappears beneath the towel Jongin wraps around his head, drying him diligently, more meticulously than he would do for himself. It doesn’t take long to dry Kyungsoo’s hair and Jongin spares a second to admire the way it looks all soft. When Kyungsoo resurfaces from the towel, his hair is no longer dripping wet. He looks as if he has just stepped out of a bath and Jongin is just starting to indulge in certain fantasies when his gaze trails down to his soaked uniform.

The material is a little thin, exposing so much of Kyungsoo’s skin beneath the white shirt. Jongin looks away unknowingly, his Adam’s apple bobbing visibly as he swallows thickly.

“I have extra clothes,” he mutters when he snaps back to his senses. “Can’t do anything about your pants right now but let’s get you changed into something warm.” The hoodie he had planned to change into after swimming is right where he had left it and he lifts it out of the gym bag for Kyungsoo to take it.

When Kyungsoo doesn’t make a move, Jongin looks at him again.

“You okay?”

Kyungsoo’s eyes are brimming with concern. “You’re also wet,” he observes.

He pats his sleeve dismissively, hoping Kyungsoo hasn’t seen how wet the back of his uniform is. “I’m more than used to being wet.” Then he places the hoodie on Kyungsoo’s lap and turns to the window to give Kyungsoo some privacy, unsure if he would feel comfortable with him watching (not that he doesn’t want to).

The steady drumming of the rain remains the only sound to be heard for the first few seconds and Jongin is just about to turn back when his ears pick up the sound of movement and he relaxes. Kyungsoo lets him know when he’s done changing.

“Thanks,” says Kyungsoo, his own shirt rolled into a ball. “And sorry I got your seat wet.”

Jongin smiles loosely. “You know I don’t mind that. Did you manage to get what you want?”

Kyungsoo shakes his head. “It’s out of stock.”

“It’s alright. We’ll just come back next time.”

He steps on the pedal and the car rolls back onto the main road, gliding down the gravel that’s a shade darker from the rain, much of its friction smoothed over. Usually, he would have taken every single opportunity to glimpse at Kyungsoo, but not today. He doesn’t look at Kyungsoo today, leaves some space between them. The silence is thick and heavy, unnatural and jammed with unsaid words. Jongin knows there’s something Kyungsoo wants to say, needs to say, and waits, hoping the rain will wash away his hesitation.

They’re waiting for the traffic light to turn green at the intersection when Kyungsoo finally overcomes it.

“I feel like you give me too much credit.”

“What do you mean?”

“I’m not as good as you think I am.”

Jongin glances at him then, discovering him in a very upright position. His hands are hidden in the long sleeves of his hoodie and Jongin’s heart softens at the sight of him looking so small in his clothes, at the show of vulnerability.

“For example?”

“I have a side you don’t know about. I can be extremely grumpy in the morning. I can get annoyed easily by little things. I can be nothing like you imagine me to be. I’m just, really ordinary.”

The traffic light seems to be taking its time today, leaving the two of them to trash things out at the crossroads. Jongin drums his fingers against the steering wheel, listening to Kyungsoo’s words fall along with the rain.

“I want you to think about it carefully. Do you really like me? Don’t tell me your answer now. I’ll ask you again, so think about it carefully.”

For a moment Jongin thinks Kyungsoo might be indirectly telling him to back off, but when he looks at his face through the rearview mirror, the uncertainty in his eyes and the teeth digging cruelly in his bottom lip suggest otherwise.

“I’ll think about it,” he promises Kyungsoo, and the traffic light turns green.

He keeps to his promise, thinking about his question as they drive back to Kyungsoo’s house against the rain. The downpour, however relentless it had appeared, gradually lulls into a drizzle. It’s difficult to remember it had been raining so heavily by the time Jongin pulls into Kyungsoo’s driveway.

“Thanks for coming to pick me up,” Kyungsoo says without establishing solid eye-contact, his eyes darting from one place to another. “And thanks for the hoodie. I’ll return it to you the next time we meet.”

But Jongin, who is completely taken by the way Kyungsoo looks in his favorite hoodie, tells him, “You can keep this. I have a few more at home.”

He really does have a few more, so this one wouldn’t severely alter his life in any way although it’s his favorite. It has done a great job in keeping Kyungsoo warm today, and he hopes it can continue to do so on the days he can’t be here for whatever reason.

“See you.”

“Wait.”

Kyungsoo whips around with his hand around the door handle at Jongin’s voice.

“What if I say I already have the answer to your question?”

“Don’t tell me yet.”

“Why not?”

He pulls and the door clicks open. The sound of the rain can’t be heard anymore with the raindrops landing so lightly onto the ground.

“I haven’t thought about mine.”

Jongin stares at him, perplexed. He doesn’t remember asking Kyungsoo anything.

“When I’m ready… I’ll tell you my answer too.”

The thought occurs to him when he watches Kyungsoo get out of the car with his wet shirt still compressed into a ball and clutched against his belly. The answer he is talking about is his response to Jongin’s feelings. Whether it’s a yes or no. It could go either way. This means this might very well be the last few instances when he can still be good to Kyungsoo, can still chase him like that.

Only now does Jongin realize he’s ultimately just a coward when it comes to love because he’s already scared of Kyungsoo’s answer. It might be what he wants to hear, but it might also not be, and that gamble is not one Jongin is dying to take. But instead of saying what he really feels, he just nods and plasters a smile on his face. There has to be an end to it ultimately, it’s just a matter of whether it’s a good one or a bad one.

“Okay. I’ll see you soon, Kyungsoo.”

He lingers in Kyungsoo’s driveway long after he has disappeared into the house, his thoughts too jumbled up for him to concentrate on driving. What he’s most afraid about is not being able to continue pursuing Kyungsoo like this if he really says no, even if a small part of him is confident that Kyungsoo will say yes.

If someone asks Jongin when he first started falling for Kyungsoo, he wouldn’t be able to answer. It could be at the apple orchard. It could be during the first night they spent together. It could be the moment he laid his eyes on him. Falling for someone is a completely unwitting process— you’ll never know until you’re head over heels and way too deep to escape. But it’s not so bad. All Jongin knows right now is that it’s completely alright even if his feelings are not returned, as long as he can continue to like Kyungsoo and do things for him from where he is standing right behind him. It’s completely alright. He’s willing to do it, he’ll gladly do it.

-

Jongin’s eyebrows are knitted into an unrelenting frown when he drags the chair out, its legs screeching against the floor in protest. He plops down and receives immediate concern from his friends, and the look in Kyungsoo’s eyes signals his unvocalized interest too.

“What’s with your face?” Okay, maybe Sehun could have phrased it a little more nicely.

“Yeah, don’t do that. You look uglier than usual.” Chanyeol too.

“Oh come on,” Minseok interjects. “Lay off, man. It’s not his fault that he’s ugly.”

“Thanks, guys.” Jongin responds graciously. “I’m just a little confused.”

“About what?”

Every single pair of eyes at his table lands on the cork top jar he lifts gingerly, shaking its contents for more effect.

“You’re confused about candy?” Sehun deadpans.

Jongin smacks him in the face. “I’m confused about who left it in my locker.”

“It’s not Jieun?”

That name makes him flinch involuntarily. “No,” Jongin says quickly. “No, definitely not.” She did come into mind when he first discovered this dainty little jar resting on top of his books, but it’s a suspicion he quickly dismisses. It’s not her style. She would have given it to him directly if she really wanted to.

Chanyeol tilts his head. “Is there a note or anything? It could be a secret admirer.”

Jongin lifts the jar to his face for closer inspection. He shakes it again, checking the possibility of a hidden note inside. A glimpse of something purple, distinctly different from the white wrappers, is picked up and Jongin pulls the cork out of the jar to empty its contents on the table.

Candies roll out and a few hands pounce forth, each grabbing one or two for themselves before retreating. Jongin doesn’t even bother looking up for the culprits. He digs through the pile of sweets until he finds the abnormality he saw, which turns out to be a small purple note that has been balled up.

“That’s sneaky,” Baekhyun remarks.

“What does it say?”

Jongin rolls the note out and smooths it before reading the scrawl of words on it.

Something to sweeten your day! :)

PS: Congratulations on winning your tournament! 

He reads it out loud, eyebrows raised.

“Seems like you have a secret admirer,” Minseok informs him with a cheeky smile. “Someone’s into you.”

“Yeah, as unbelievable as it sounds, I think so too.”

A chorus of agreements convinces even Jongin who was thinking that this person might be playing a prank on him or somehow went to the wrong locker, the intended recipient coincidentally a winner too. He looks up, his attention all for Kyungsoo who is sitting opposite him.

“Do you think so too?” he asks intentionally because he hasn’t heard Kyungsoo say anything.

Kyungsoo drops his gaze and grabs his spoon, shoving rice into his mouth. “Maybe,” he says after a pause. “Seems likely.”

“I have a secret admirer,” Jongin says, an announcement that’s really only intended for Kyungsoo alone.

Kyungsoo chooses not to respond to that, doesn’t even meet Jongin’s eyes. His evasive behaviour makes him smile.

“But I’m not really interested,” Jongin continues, his gaze fixed resolutely on the man before him. “Should I still keep this?”

“What are you talking about?” Sehun obviously hasn’t a single clue. “Of course you shouldn’t! You have a girlfriend. But I don’t, so you can give it to me.”

At the mention of his girlfriend, Kyungsoo stops chewing. He quickly recovers and resumes what he was doing, but that moment doesn’t go unnoticed. Jongin reluctantly tears his gaze away and is just about to tell Sehun that they’ve already broken up when—

“It’s your gift,” says Kyungsoo in a quiet voice. “You decide what to do with it.”

Jongin has to admit that hurts his feelings a little bit. He studies the jar, turning it over to inspect its smooth surface, and scoops the sweets back into it when he arrives at a decision. Sehun is pleasantly surprised when Jongin pushes it to him.

“You can have it,” he informs Sehun.

“No way. Really?”

“Yeah, really. Take it.”

“Why?”

“Because I know for sure that whoever she is, I’m not interested.” Jongin looks at Kyungsoo when he says that, who still isn’t returning his gaze.

“Nice. Thanks, Jongin, you’re awesome.” Sehun says with a beam.

“You’re welcome. But just remember that she’s not going to be interested in you. Going from me to you would be an atrocious downgrade.”

There are a few possible reasons that Kyungsoo’s smile can be attributed to. It might be because of how he just roasted Sehun. It might be the general atmosphere and Minseok’s contagious laughter. But Jongin would very much like to think it’s because of the decision he made, and his shoulders slump into a relaxed position when the tension between Kyungsoo’s eyebrows dissipate.

He would very much like to think that maybe, just maybe, Kyungsoo was jealous.

-

The night is alive with flames.

A fire crackles at the heart of the circle, a radius of light projecting long shadows on its surroundings. It is pulsating, so lively, so fearless, so mesmerizing to watch as the embers engage the effulgent flames in a passionate dance. The emanating heat makes it possible to behold only from a small distance away as flames licks the neatly piled firewood and the fire flickers and flares fiercely.

Jongin stands admiring the fire from where he is beside a large tree, caught in a (one-sided) conversation with Sehun whose rambling he has long tuned out. He’s unable to look away because it is majestic and— okay, fine, he’s really just looking at Kyungsoo who is across the circle with Baekhyun and two other boys he doesn’t know.

“Hey, man, are you even listening?”

Sehun’s voice forces him to shift his attention right when he catches a flicker of a smile on Kyungsoo’s face. Jongin almost gets a heart attack when Sehun attempts to follow his gaze, but fortunately, Kyungsoo is hidden behind the bonfire from his point of view.

“Bravoure College?” Jongin speculates with a sheepish smile.

Sehun sighs dramatically, like Jongin’s lack of attention is a great catastrophe. “I moved on from that 5 minute ago. But anyway, didn’t that college offer you a sports scholarship too? Are you going to accept it?”

Jongin lets his gaze wander. “I don’t know. We’ll see about it.” This topic causes nothing but discomfort for him when his future is still a blur.

“Want some marshmallows?” Chanyeol interjects, almost like he can sense Jongin’s discomfort.

Sometimes Chanyeol really is a gift from heaven. Jongin doesn’t bother reaching for the marshmallows, opting to lean over to eat them from the skewer Chanyeol is holding. “Thanks,” he manages to mumble between mouthfuls.

“It’s a little boring with just the three of us, isn’t it?”

“Yeah, where’s Jieun anyway, Jongin?”

He avoids Sehun’s eyes, suddenly feeling like a child who has done something wrong, and wishes he could avoid his question as well. “We broke up.” Now he wants to swim. Dive into the water so he doesn’t have to be reminded of her crying face, doesn’t have to feel like everyone is staring at him with accusing eyes.

“You what?”

“We broke up,” he repeats in a louder voice, trying to keep it steady. “There’s no need to pursue this matter.”

It’s surprising that Sehun doesn’t know about it given how close he is to Jieun. It makes Jongin wonder if she’s okay and if she has come to terms with it.

“Yeah it’s pretty boring,” Chanyeol decides to answer his own question after a short pause, breaking the building tension. “I’ll go get some others to join us, yeah?” He leaves before either of them can say anything and Jongin’s gaze trails after his receding back.

He makes a clean cut through the circle and oh— goes right where Jongin’s heart has been held captive all night. Chanyeol catches Baekhyun’s attention first, who grins at him, and then the entire group of people is looking over as Chanyeol gesticulates towards them.

Kyungsoo is the only person he can see, and having his eyes fixed on him at that very moment too makes something bubble in his chest, something that keeps growing even after the eye-contact is broken and the distance becomes elongated again.

Everything after that is a blur until Chanyeol returns with them in tow.

“So,” Chanyeol starts with his usual friendly smile, “self-introductions?”

“We know each other, Chanyeol.”

“No, I don’t know who this guy is.” Sehun is talking about the guy beside Baekhyun, the one with a rather small stature and a sharp chin.

“Oh yeah,” he raises his brows. “I’m Jongdae. Football.”

“He’s the benchwarmer,” another guy pipes in, the one with copper hair and slanted almond eyes. “I’m someone who’s actually on the team. Minseok. Nice to meet you.”

Jongin smiles when Jongdae elbows Minseok in the chest, swearing at him.

They assemble a smaller circle within the big one and Jongin takes this chance to station himself right beside Kyungsoo. They glance at each other at the same time and share a smile that warms Jongin’s heart as much as the fire does.

“Let’s play an ice-breaker,” Jongdae suggests, his eyes glinting with excitement. “Like, Never Have I Ever or something.”

Minseok is more distracted, his radar turned on as he sweeps his gaze across the people outside of the circle. “We should get some girls.”

“No, it’s Mens’ night.”

“What?”

“You know, like Ladies’ night.” Baekhyun says in a flat tone which makes it impossible to tell if he’s joking or not. “What? I’m not really down for drama tonight. It’s a nice night,” he adds in self-defence when he sees every single pair of eyes on him. Chanyeol is the first to agree, his breezy attitude convincing everyone else.

“Yeah, let’s just start.”

 

“Wait, I’ll go get more drinks for us.” Minseok slips away from them, headed towards the ice box. He returns with a few cans of beer cradled in his arms and the empty-handed ones, including Kyungsoo, each take one from him.

“I’ll start with a killer one,” Sehun volunteers very willingly. “Never have I ever… been in a relationship!”

The smug smile on Sehun’s face is both amusing and pitiful at the same time. 5 fingers go down and someone scoffs “loser”, something Jongin only half-notices because he’s smiling at the sight of Kyungsoo’s fingers remaining intact.

“I’m not a loser,” Sehun informs Jongdae gruffly, so that comment must have came from him. “I just have really high standards, okay.”

“Are you sure you’re the one with the high standards, and not the girls?”

Everyone’s laughing when Jongin gives Chanyeol a fist-bump. Sehun tries to glare at them but succumbs to the laughter eventually.

“Okay, my turn.” Chanyeol pauses to think, and he takes so long that Jongin manages to take three sips from his beer while waiting. “Never have I ever completed an assignment on time.”

Kyungsoo’s finger goes down— that’s the only thing Jongin notices, and suddenly it’s his turn.

“Oh fuck.”

“Watch your language,” Baekhyun cautions him while Minseok plays the role of looking offended, a scandalized look on his face.

“Uh. Never have I ever been to the zoo?” he mutters uncertainly, his mind blank.

Everyone around him folds a finger and Jongin’s smile is bashful, a little embarrassed.

Chanyeol groans loudly. “Seriously, Jongin? What have you been doing your whole life?”

“I feel like this is turning into a contest to see who doesn’t have a life.” Minseok remarks good humouredly. “Whoever has the most number of fingers up at the end is the biggest loser.”

“Damn it,” Sehun mutters under his breath. “Damn it for Jongin, he’s gonna lose.”

“Hey, I heard you.”

“Did you?”

Kyungsoo laughs beside him and Jongin lets it go, happy from the sound of his laughter.

“Never have I ever gotten drunk.” Kyungsoo says next.

Every single person folds a finger but because it’s Kyungsoo, nobody makes snide comments about being a loser or uncool. It’s something Jongin has noticed about Kyungsoo. He makes people behave in a different way, become a better and kinder version of themselves. People just want to be good to him.

“Okay me me me!” All eyes turn to Baekhyun who raises his eyebrows obnoxiously in response. “Never have I ever damaged public property.”

Kyungsoo’s finger goes down.

Jongin nudges him. “Really?”

“Kind of,” Kyungsoo replies secretively, an answer meant for him only until Minseok tuts at them.

“Storytime! Let’s start with you, Sehun.”

“Jongin’s gonna kill me.”

“You’re going to hell anyway, so just spill it.”

Sehun inhales sharply, looking at everyone but Jongin as he mumbles “iwastheonewhobroketheshowerheadatjonginshouse” very quickly, almost too quickly for Jongin to make out his words. He does, however.

“You what?”

Minseok cuts in. “Question. Is that even considered public property?”

“Oh Sehun, you what?”

Sehun inclines his body towards Jongin though he still refuses to meet his intense gaze, staring at something far more interesting over his shoulder. “Remember the night I crashed at your house because I was dead drunk? Yeah… But before you get mad or anything, I have to say that it wasn’t my fault. The alcohol’s responsible.”

“My mom thought I did it!”

“Didn’t you tell her you weren’t the culprit?”

“She didn’t believe me.” Jongin says with a sigh. “Nobody admitted anything, so I had to tell her it broke on its own. And of course she didn’t believe that either. She gave me hell for three days. I had to pay for a new one with my own savings. Sehun, I swear you’re going to hell.”

 

“Let bygones be bygones,” Sehun has the audacity to suggest, and the game resumes while Jongin’s still contemplating between patting his head with an axe or punching a hole in his face. Whichever will send him to his grave first.

“Kyungsoo!” Baekhyun chirps, and Jongin’s murderous thoughts disperse at the sound of his favorite name. “I don’t know anything about that?”

“It happened not so long ago,” Kyungsoo begins in his quiet voice that steals all of Jongin’s attention right away. “Seungsoo was teaching me how to drive and I accidentally ran his car into the lamppost down the street. The lamppost took most of the damage.”

Minseok whistles under his breath. “Nice.”

Even Jongin nudges him. “Remind me never to let you drive my car.”

The next person, Jongdae, racks his brains for something juicy and comes up with “Never have I ever had a one-night stand.”

Minseok is the only one who folds a finger. He looks around in astonishment, blinking.

“Really? Wait. Question. You’re not all virgins, right?”

“I had sex with my girlfriend,” Jongdae informs him. “Commitment, dude.”

“Not sure about that for Sehun though,” Chanyeol snickers in a loud voice and earns a high-five from Jongin. Sehun simply lets his head fall back and dramatically mouths ‘fuck my life’.

“Okay fine. It was nothing much, I was at a party and there was this really hot chick, big boobs and all, but maybe I was just drunk. You know how they all look good when you’re drunk. Anyway, we did it in the bathroom and I went home after that. I don’t really remember how she looks like and she didn’t try to contact me so. The end.”

“Nice.”

“Yeah.”

“Uh-huh.”

“Fuck off,” Minseok hisses and takes a swig. “My turn. Never have I ever… been… caught… jerking off!”

“Fuck you!” Jongdae screeches instantly, shoving him so hard he staggers to the side, almost losing his balance. He folds another finger in defeat, the only finger in the circle to go down. “Please don’t ask me to recount my experience. It’s not something I want to remember.”

Baekhyun throws his arm around Jongdae’s shoulders, his face serious and for a second Jongin thinks they’re just going to let it go. Instead, contrary to his belief, he breaks into an evil smile and slaps Jongdae’s back while yelling “Spill the nuts! All of them!”

“For fuck’s sake! I call foul! He was obviously trying to get me!”

“Overruled!”

Jongin hears more laughter spilling from Kyungsoo and he laughs along, thoroughly amused.

Jongdae rubs his face despondently. “Fine,” he starts, voice muffled. “I was like, 15? I thought my mom would be out for a while because she always takes ten hours grocery shopping so I got all comfortable in my room and apparently was so comfortable I failed to hear her coming home until she opened my door.”

“Sorry to hear that,” Baekhyun offers sincerely, and the rest of the guys nod in agreement.

“Jesus, Minseok! That was something I never wanted to remember for the rest of my life. I had problems getting hard for weeks after that. You’re such an asshole. You’re going to hell with Sehun.”

More laughter, more beer, and more embarrassing stories surface before the blazing fire, so incandescent against the dark night. They’re all hyped, a little tipsy and high when the EDM starts blaring from the speakers. Sehun drops his empty can as he throws his hands up into the air like a possessed party animal, pumped from the alcohol and euphoria of winning the game despite his innocent, virtuous, virgin self.

“This is my favorite part of the night!” he announces, eyes rapt with excitement as he looks towards the fire where people are already starting to form a smaller circle around, close enough to feel its hotness. He skitters off, followed by Minseok and Jongdae who take turns shoving each other the entire way there. Jongin finds himself alone with Kyungsoo when Chanyeol drags Baekhyun after them.

“Well,” he begins, a lopsided smile on his face until he looks at Kyungsoo properly in the face and his breath latches.

Flames dancing in his eyes. The world around them melting in its heat.

“I don’t really like dancing,” Kyungsoo informs him.

It takes Jongin a while to react, too lost in Kyungsoo’s eyes.

“Should we get away?”

Kyungsoo’s lips pull into a smile. “Let’s go.”

Twenty minutes later they’re in a different world, one without alcohol and noise and irrelevant people. The patch of field seems to stretch on infinitely from as far as Jongin’s eyes can see and it’s quiet here, a much better place to be with Kyungsoo. It reminds him of the day they spent together in the apple orchard. It was the day he realized and admitted to himself his feelings for Kyungsoo. And there had been no going back.

He gets out of the car and crawls onto the hood, gesturing for Kyungsoo to do the same. Kyungsoo doesn’t ask anything, just follows what he does, until they’re both nestled on the roof of the car and staring up at a night spread with all the stars in this universe.

Jongin lays back, using his arms to cushion his head. Kyungsoo remains seated upright, admiring the scatter of blinking stars. The taller male just admires him instead, the one person he’d wish for on a million shooting stars.

When the silence wears off, Jongin says, “I want to know more about you.”

The stars feel so distant, so far away even though they look as though they’re within his grasp. Kyungsoo glances back at him. “What do you want to know?”

“Many things,” Jongin muses aloud, “like what’s your favorite colour, what do you like doing in your free time, what are you scared of, if you like your coffee bitter or sweet— everything there is to know about you.”

“First question.”

Jongin grins. “Family members?”

“My parents got divorced when I was in middle school so it’s just been my mom, my brother and me for a long time. My dad drops by to see us when he’s in town, but we’re not really close. It’s fine like this, I was tired of watching them argue all the time anyway.”

“What does your mom do?” Jongin’s voice is softer, gentler.

“She’s an auditor, that’s why she travels so much. And Seungsoo is studying mechanical engineering. His college is three hours away, so he doesn’t come home that much anymore. Just once in a few weeks.”

There isn’t any sadness radiating from Kyungsoo’s tone, just factuality, but Jongin still wants to reach out and draw him into his arms. He keeps his eyes on Kyungsoo who is captivated by the view above them.

“What about you?”

“I’m your typical privileged child,” Jongin says with a small laugh. “I’m the only child. Dad’s a doctor, mom works in a bank, and kid’s just lost in life right now.”

“What do you want to do in the future?” Kyungsoo asks, finally laying back as well, settling right beside Jongin with his arms tucked beneath his head. It turns out to be a tight fit with the small roof space and their bodies are pressed together intimately. Neither minds, too ensorcelled by the sight above them even if their positions are not the most comfortable.

“I don’t know yet, honestly.” This question has always irked him, but he discovers that it’s not so annoying when it’s coming from Kyungsoo. “I received a few sports scholarships but the colleges are all out of state so I don’t know if I want to do that. And I don’t know if competitive swimming is really for me.” He turns to regard Kyungsoo who looks effortlessly handsome drenched in starlight. “Where are you planning to go?”

“Preferably somewhere here. I don’t think I want to move away. If I do, there’ll be no one at home when my mom comes back.”

Jongin hums. “Then I’m staying here too.”

He can feel Kyungsoo’s gaze burning a hole in his face.

“Okay,” he thinks of another question, eager to escape Kyungsoo’s eyes. “If your house was on fire and you could only save one thing, what would you save?”

“My camera.”

“Right,” Jongin chuckles. “Should have known.”

“What about you?”

It’s some serious introspection Jongin does. “If there’s nobody at home, I’ll probably get my bolster. Hey, it’s been with me for as long as I can remember, okay, don’t look at me like that.”

“Favorite hobby?”

“Swimming.”

“Should have known,” Kyungsoo echoes, and they share another smile.

“You?”

“Taking photographs—”, and before Jongin can say anything, “—and reading manga.”

Jongin makes a low humming sound, then in a mechanical voice, “Data registered.”

It makes Kyungsoo laugh.

“What are you most afraid of?”

This question proves difficult for Kyungsoo who answers after a pregnant pause. “I haven’t really thought about that.”

“Fear of heights? Fear of enclosed spaces? Fear of failure?” Jongin suggests helpfully.

“Uh. I’ll get back to you on that.”

“Okay.”

“And you?”

“Getting left behind, I guess. When I first joined competitive swimming, I was so focused on making sure no one overtook me that it became difficult for me to swim. My body just doesn’t function when I think about anything else besides simply feeling the water, you know?”

“It’s your safe place,” Kyungsoo acknowledges, and Jongin wants to tell him that he has a new safe place now, and that it’s right here in Kyungsoo.

They get lulled into silence again after that, watching the number of stars double, triple, then quadruple above them. So infinite, so dazzling. The feeling of being able to indulge in such a comfortable silence with someone instead of constantly having to think of what to say, to fill the white space between them, is something Jongin has never found in anyone else but Kyungsoo.

He just keeps falling for Kyungsoo more and more, with every passing second.

Kyungsoo asks his final question after the lapse of peaceful silence. He turns to look at Jongin first, their faces close. “Why do you like me?”

How does he answer that? He simply looks at Kyungsoo, his beautiful eyes, his beautiful face, his beautiful soul. “I— I like myself better when I’m with you. I don’t have to try to be someone I’m not. There’s just something about you.” He thinks about reaching out to touch Kyungsoo’s face, but he’s one with the stars at this moment and Jongin keeps his hands to himself. “You asked me to think about it. And I did. I don’t think the you that I know is a figment of my imagination. It’s okay even if you have another side I don’t know about yet. To me, you’re kind, you’re strong, you’re charming, you’re considerate, you’re smart, you’re hard-working, you’re gentle, you’re brave, you’re everything I’ve been looking for my whole life. Someone like you, who makes it all better.”

God, he really wants to touch Kyungsoo, wants to kiss him.

Kyungsoo lowers his gaze for a moment before reconnecting with Jongin’s.

Jongin asks his final question too. “Can you tell me your answer now?”

His blood is rushing, his heart is racing, and he’s scared out of his mind. But he has to. He needs to know. He’ll just try harder if Kyungsoo rejects him. The alcohol content in his system is just enough to give him the courage he so desperately needs right now.

Instead of a simple yes or no, Kyungsoo says, “why don’t you ask me why I don’t carry my camera around so much anymore?”

Now that he mentions it, Jongin realizes it’s true Kyungsoo doesn’t bring his camera along with him anymore. Or at least not when they’re out together. If Jongin’s safe place is the pool, then Kyungsoo’s is the camera. And after they found each other, they’ve both been going to their safe places less frequently. That makes him hopeful, his heart soaring.

Jongin’s voice drops to a whisper, the words barely leaving his lips. “Why don’t you?”

Kyungsoo holds his gaze, doesn’t look away. “You have given me sensations I cannot capture with my camera.”

Time halts, pulling to a perfect stop. All the breath in Jongin’s chest deflates. The stars blink once, twice, and before they can a third time, their lips are locked in a kiss, emotion-charged. That’s so much better than a yes. They kiss, teeth scraping, and Kyungsoo seems to have a better idea of what to do this time when he sucks on Jongin’s tongue and the latter shifts until he’s on top of Kyungsoo, dangerously near the edge of the roof.

The concept of time is lost entirely as they kiss and kiss and kiss, not pulling away even when they both feel like their chests are going to burst. There’s so much of Kyungsoo, so much of him he wants to take, and Jongin is lightheaded when he leaves those lips.

Kyungsoo’s face is mostly shadowed beneath his and Jongin angles his head so the starlight can hit his face in all the right directions, so he doesn’t have to miss a single second of Kyungsoo’s beauty. Something throbs as he dips down to press a kiss to the edge of Kyungsoo’s lips and he’s not so sure if it’s the alcohol misbehaving when he says, “I want to touch you.”

He waits for Kyungsoo’s approval. Kyungsoo doesn’t explicitly say yes, but he doesn’t say no either, just stares at Jongin with his chest heaving and cheeks flushed, and Jongin knows him well enough to know he has his permission.

“Come on.” He clambers off the roof and holds his hand out to Kyungsoo, who takes it without hesitating and mirrors Jongin’s actions, sliding down and landing lightly, right into Jongin’s arms as the latter steadies his balance by grabbing his hips.

The flames from the bonfire rejoin them the moment they climb into the car, circling them, forming a protective shield against the rest of the world. Kyungsoo straddles him and Jongin slides his hands up and down Kyungsoo’s front, feeling the texture of his T-shirt, then slips them underneath. Kyungsoo’s smooth skin erupts in goosebumps when his fingers brush against his nipples lightly the first time, deliberately the second.

Kyungsoo is the one who leans forward to kiss him and Jongin has never been happier to oblige. His skin is so warm, Jongin can’t get enough as his hands slither to Kyungsoo’s back. He lets Kyungsoo dominate the kiss, and realizes he’s a pretty damn good kisser even though he isn’t very experienced, and focuses on feeling Kyungsoo’s bare skin beneath his fingertips.

He only breaks the kiss once— to pull Kyungsoo’s shirt over his head, then his own, and their naked chests collide when their lips meet halfway impatiently. Kyungsoo seems very intent on kissing alone, his hands gripping at Jongin’s waist and staying there obediently.

But Jongin has other plans. He keeps one hand on the small of Kyungsoo’s back to hold him there, the other moving down until he can palm Kyungsoo through his pants and the first moan that escapes from Kyungsoo’s lips is enough to end him. He doesn’t stop what he’s doing and when Kyungsoo’s head falls back, lips parted by moans, he takes the chance to navigate his kisses down his neck.

Jongin leaves a trail of messy kisses, nipping lightly at his Adam's apple when he gets there, then closes his mouth around it and sucks with increasing force. It seems to make Kyungsoo feel good, his moans spilling freely and driving Jongin to the edge of his sanity. He wants to taste all of Kyungsoo, wants to leave kisses everywhere, wants to show him off to the whole world.

This person is his.

Kyungsoo’s zipper gives way easily and Jongin is not going to deny his nervousness because he doesn’t really know what to do. He just wants to make Kyungsoo feel good, wants to make himself feel good, and he’s pleasantly surprised when Kyungsoo does the same for him. His eyes are glossy when Jongin looks up and he’s just about to lean in for those gorgeous lips again when something warm wraps around his arousal. God, he has never felt anything better.

His gaze falls, trained on the sight of Kyungsoo’s arousal and a surge of pride fills him knowing he’s the one who got him so worked up. He brushes his thumb against the head first, and Kyungsoo’s breathing becomes ragged when he closes his fingers around the shaft. It feels a little strange doing this for someone but a good kind of strange, the kind he wants to get used to. He doesn’t think they’re progressing too quickly. They’re just trying to get closer to each other under the stars, and Jongin doesn’t want to waste anymore time on acting like he’s not thoroughly crazy about Kyungsoo.

They fall into the same rhythm, a little slowly and uncertainly at the start, then gaining momentum when the pleasure invades them totally and overtakes their senses. Just raw desire. It feels so good, so, so good. Jongin recaptures Kyungsoo’s lips now, sucking a little harshly on the bottom lip and letting it go with a lewd pop. Even in this darkness, he can see that Kyungsoo’s lips are pink kiss-swollen, in the prettiest state possible.

Stars come rushing down to meet them, burning in the cradle of the flames, and as Kyungsoo falls into Jongin’s arms and they too, stay in each other’s arms comfortably.

“Was that good for you?” Jongin whispers into Kyungsoo’s ear, weaving his fingers through his hair.

He feels Kyungsoo nod and he smiles into the crook of his neck.

The cool night air flows in through the open doors, joining their embrace. Never would Jongin have guessed that they’ll end up here, in the backseat of his car under a starry sky, when they first met in the pool. Fate really has a strange way of bringing people together. But Jongin’s not complaining, his jumbled pieces are finally assembled.

His pieces have already found where they belong, have already fallen into place, the image of them locked in an embrace the complete picture. Kyungsoo, in his arms. This is it. This is everything.

Love is still too heavy on his tongue so he trades it for another word and tells Kyungsoo, “I am so fond of you.”

Kyungsoo only hums.

They remain a secret like this until the flames fade to ashes and Jongin is starting to wonder if Kyungsoo has fallen asleep in his arms, with his chin nestled so comfortably on Jongin’s shoulder. He lifts his shoulder gently. Kyungsoo’s response is delayed, and Jongin smiles when he tries to deny he had fallen asleep with bleary eyes.

He cleans them up as best as he can with tissues and buckles Kyungsoo into the passenger seat, unable to resist pinching his cheek before shutting the door. They don’t bother rejoining their friends at the bonfire party though it’s probably still ongoing. Instead, they arrive at Kyungsoo’s house in slightly under 20 minutes.

There is a light shining through the windows on the first floor when the car pulls into the driveway, the headlights glaring on the steps leading to the front door.

“Your mom’s home?” Jongin asks, his heart fluttering at the sight of Kyungsoo looking all sleepy with his cheeks still a little flushed.

Kyungsoo yawns and stretches lazily, releasing the buckle of his seatbelt. “She returned this afternoon.”

“Okay. Good night. I’ll see you soon.”

There’s really no helping it when Jongin leans over, straining against his seatbelt, for a chaste goodnight kiss. Perfect end to the best night. He wonders how much longer Kyungsoo’s lips will remain kiss-swollen like this and can’t help smiling at the knowledge that he’s the culprit.

“Good night,” Kyungsoo tells him after the kiss.

Their secret rendezvous finally comes to an end when Kyungsoo slips out of the car, closing the door after him. He glances back at Jongin when he reaches the porch and waves before disappearing into the house. Jongin reverses out of the driveway soon after, not wanting Kyungsoo’s mother to look out and see him there, the tyres crunching on gravel as he does.

But he remains around the bend until the light in Kyungsoo’s room flickers on, and with a smile that wouldn’t go away, leaves for real. It is fascinating how he has maneuvered out of this driveway so many times, but leaves with a different feeling each time.

Tonight is deep-rooted contentment. It’s been a long time since Jongin felt anything like this.


	6. Chapter 6

Kyungsoo’s face does many things to him. It mostly leaves his mind blank, unable to come up with words, unable to function at all when he’s looking at such a handsome face. That, however, isn’t the only reason this time as Kyungsoo stares at him, waiting for his answer. It makes Jongin avert his gaze pointedly, transfixing his eyes on a random spot in his room.

“So?” Kyungsoo prompts him.

“I…” he bites down on his bottom lip, nervous for some reason. “I… don’t remember?”

It takes him by surprise when Kyungsoo smacks his head with his notes, though he hardly puts any strength into it.

“The test is tomorrow!”

Jongin glances helplessly at the clock. “It’s way past my bedtime. I don’t think I’m functioning.”

“You’re not going to bed if you don’t memorize everything.”

“I really don’t mind failing my test.” He grabs Kyungsoo’s wrist and tries to charm his way out with a kiss, but Kyungsoo swats at his arm with the stack of paper and leans back before their lips can brush.

“Memorize them,” he says with a note of finality in his voice and Jongin knows better than to disagree. He retrieves his notes with a pout. “I’ll give you 20 minutes. If you get more than 3 questions wrong, you’re going back home to sleep tonight.”

“And if I get all of them right?”

“Then,” Kyungsoo doesn’t try to conceal the amusement in his voice, “congratulations, you’re passing your test.”

Jongin touches the back of his head, his eyes sweeping the page and tries to get everything to register and stay in his memory as quickly as he can. It would be really nice if he could internalize everything the way he internalizes everything about Kyungsoo effortlessly. He sneaks a glance at Kyungsoo who looks so serious with his glasses and mumbles, “Not exactly the reward I was expecting.”

Silence. How typical of Kyungsoo to choose not to respond. He’s reading through his own notes when Jongin sneaks another few glances, knowing Kyungsoo already has all of the information down by heart. And it suddenly hits him that he’s the only reason why they’re still up, depriving not only himself but also Kyungsoo of precious sleep.

So instead of playing it safe and using the full 20 minutes he’s allocated, Jongin decides to take a risk and nudges Kyungsoo’s foot. “I’m ready,” he informs Kyungsoo confidently, who doesn’t look like he has too much faith in Jongin as he confiscates the notes and prepares to grill him again.

“Let’s start with an easy one.”

“Please.”

“When did Britain and France declare war on Germany?”

Jongin doesn’t even have to think. “2 days after the German invasion, so September 3rd, 1939.”

Kyungsoo nods. “Right.” He’s scanning the notes for something else to ask when Jongin leans forward again, unrestrained this time, and maneuvers his way skillfully until he can land a kiss on Kyungsoo’s lips.

“Reward,” he beams cheekily when Kyungsoo looks up at him with wide eyes.

Kyungsoo gets back to business straight away. “The central powers during World War I included?”

This one makes Jongin rack his brains a little harder. “Germany, Austria-Hungary, the Ottoman Empire…” He thinks he’s done, but when Kyungsoo continues to stare at him, Jongin shuts his eyes and thinks again. “...and Bulgaria?”

“And?”

Jongin narrows his eyes. “You’re trying to trick me.”

Kyungsoo laughs, “Right.” And he gets another kiss before he can say another word.

A little after 10 minutes later they’re tucked into the same nest, Jongin having nearly escaped the ultimate penalty with 2 incorrect answers. He thinks it’s amazing how the human brain can stretch itself when it’s in danger. The smile on his face is extremely smug, proud knowing he’s going to pass his test tomorrow for sure. Even if he somehow doesn’t, at least he has the whole world in his arms right now.

Unlike the previous times, Jongin has Kyungsoo turned towards him so he doesn’t have to be left staring at his back. He can’t see clearly in the dark, but he can make out the tuft of hair sticking out from beneath the blanket and he pulls Kyungsoo closer. He’s so warm and he smells so sweet.

“You really do bring out the best in me,” he mumbles into the crown of Kyungsoo’s head.

Something nips shrewdly at his chest and it takes a moment to realize it’s Kyungsoo. Jongin stares down, stunned, and thinks about tickling Kyungsoo as revenge, but they’re too comfortable like this and it’s forgivable since it’s insanely adorable (no, really, Jongin is not being biased).

“Good night,” he tells Kyungsoo. It earns him a muffled and incoherent response, but still better than nothing.

He angles his head so that his face is buried in Kyungsoo’s hair and falls asleep like that, hoping he does the same for Kyungsoo, brings out the best in him too.

-

It used to be restaurants, dance concerts, and malls until his legs ached and patience thinned. Now it’s long quiet midnight drives around the city, neon lights flashing outside bars and other shops shut down for the night, the owners having long retired to abodes of their own.

It’s no longer Jieun who chatters non-stop and fills up the space around them with her stories and dreams about the future when he looks to his side, but Kyungsoo who’s more interested in the world outside the window and his occasional observations and theories.

It’s not that Jieun isn’t a good person, really. She’s great and Jongin would definitely like to remain friends with her (though he’s not very hopeful about it), but she’s not Kyungsoo, nobody else is Kyungsoo, and it’s not so much his fault that their affinity has been written in the stars. Deny the stars. Wrest fault from them. He can’t help gravitating towards the man beside him.

“You feeling less stressed out?”

The road ahead is sparse of traffic. He cruises along slowly, a few cars overtaking him every now and then but they don’t bother each other. Everybody is in a different world now, sheathed in their own automobiles, carrying different stories.

“How did you know I was feeling stressed out?”

Jongin turns left at the junction unthinkingly, away from the main roads. The stretch of shops here are all locked up and it’s dark, but his headlights scope them out. Gift shops, money exchangers, dessert shops don’t escape their scrutiny, brought to the surface with the glare of the yellow light.

He releases his gear stick momentarily to place his hand on Kyungsoo’s, giving it a small squeeze.

“I know you better than you think I do. Or at least I’m starting to figure you out.”

Kyungsoo’s hand is cold beneath his touch. He lowers the A/C and grabs Kyungsoo’s hand again, not letting go until his own warmth has emanated into it.

“I do feel better now, more relaxed.”

“What were you so worried about?”

He feels Kyungsoo shifts his gaze to him, one he doesn’t meet because he’s busy making another turn, guiding them through while Kyungsoo is lost for now.

“It’s just… You know I really want to go to a college here, right? It’s super competitive and I don’t know if I’m going to make it in. What if I don’t? I don’t have any backup plans. I don’t really know what I’m going to do.”

He lets go of Kyungsoo’s hand, who turns back to the view outside the car when the windows roll down and the cool night air streams in without missing a beat.

“You’re gonna make it,” Jongin says resolutely. “Don’t think about anything else. Don’t doubt yourself. You’re gonna make it. All of your effort is gonna pay off.”

“No one is going to offer me a scholarship. I have only myself to rely on.”

“And you will be sufficient, Kyungsoo.”

Kyungsoo is smiling at him and Jongin actually holds his gaze this time, the long bridge of empty road ahead the universe’s way of making sure he can pay attention to what matters, to who needs his attention and care and love and everything he can give at this very moment.

“You’re just saying that to make me feel better.”

Here is a boy who needs to be treated tenderly right now, who is one of the strongest people Jongin has ever met but still has his moments of insecurity and doubt. He has probably gotten through most of them on his own, and even though this is something he needs to get over on his own, a path he has to walk alone, Jongin will be waiting at the finishing line for him. Always.

“I really do believe in you.”

The smile makes Kyungsoo’s eyes crinkle and he can see the essence of the moon in them, so bright and beautiful as they shimmer. Jongin doesn’t have to look ahead to know the moon has long disappeared from the sky, and the stars, and the clouds, and everything that makes up the universe. They’ve all been immortalized into the person right beside him and boy, how did he get so lucky?

“Thanks, I feel better now.”

“You deserve it.”

The continued flow of refreshing night air washes away all traces of irrelevance, bringing along people who don’t matter and things that are pressurizing out of the open windows, until all that’s left is silence and harmony. Jongin keeps driving, not really knowing where they’re going, which is totally fine as long as they’re still on the move. Midnight drives are pretty therapeutic— something that took him this long to discover. When he notices Kyungsoo’s eyelids fluttering in a telltale sign of sleepiness in between glimpses, he turns his GPS on and asks for directions home.

They barely pass by any cars as Jongin takes the shortest route home, surprised at how far away they are from where they started when he thought they had just been going round in circles.

He looks to his side again when they’re on a familiar street, back to the neon lights and jazz bars, and sees that Kyungsoo has fallen asleep with his head bowed. The windows roll up so Jongin can settle him into a more comfortable position, gently resting his head against the window to save him from a neckache. He doesn’t rouse, deep in slumber.

The car had already been moving slowly, and now Jongin reduces the speed even further, such that a jogger can easily keep pace with them. Not so much for Kyungsoo, but for himself now that sleep has carried Kyungsoo to another world.

He looks through the side window, at the things he has always thought were ugly. The old lamp posts covered in graffiti and paper advertisements. The patterned sidewalk, the once clean grey tiles now dirty and faded to lightness. The trash bins overflowing with abandoned things. Even though he didn’t know what he wanted to do yet, he has never really thought of staying in this place because he’s sick of these sights that reek of artificiality and constraint.

Yet, having Kyungsoo by his side has filtered the way he views everything so significantly. Almost like the world he sees through his swim goggles— a better one. He still sees the same ugly lamp posts and dirty sidewalk and overloaded trash bins, but they all have their own stories too.

The old lampposts have braved so many elements of the weather, storms and sunshine alike. The graffiti, so many untold stories of rebellious teens who just want a way out. The paper advertisements no one bothered to remove, the ink almost fully faded now, locked in a perpetual hunt for tenants (5 minutes from the train station, cheap rent, too good a deal to miss). The dirty patterned sidewalk, time-washed and all battered from having bore the burden of the world; of children’s light footsteps, of hurried footsteps belonging to adults who had grown up way too quickly, of lovers’ aligned footsteps. The overloaded trash bins, temporarily stuffed with greasy burger wrappers and withered flowers, the bitterness of rejection still clinging on to the dead plants.

Kyungsoo’s appearance in his life has granted him a new lease of it as well, a new perception of the world. He is the key to everything. The city is not so bad when Kyungsoo is safely strapped into the seat beside him, asleep and protected.

When he turns around the bend and pulls into Kyungsoo’s house, he switches everything off and twists his car keys. The doors remain open and the night frozen until Kyungsoo awakes, confused about where he is until Jongin gives him a kiss. He doesn’t leave, waits until the beacon of light on the second floor indicates Kyungsoo’s safety.

He thinks about it the entire way home and realizes only one thing. It’s not a change in the location or activity that has brought about so much of it to him. It’s the company. Everything changes when you’re with the right person.

-

The whitewashed walls and the little window by the sink— everything’s the same; same room, same tables and stools, same two individuals, only the dynamics of their relationship are not because now Jongin can reach over and let his fingertips dance down Kyungsoo’s arm, the comfort of his skin something he doesn’t have to ask to get.

Kyungsoo pushes his glasses up and glances at Jongin who just can’t keep his hands off him but says nothing.

Studying is something Jongin has been doing a lot more recently now that he doesn’t have swimming as an excuse anymore though he does go for a swim whenever he can, and school’s really not so bad when he gets to spend time alone with Kyungsoo in the cozy club room. Nothing can ever trump being in Kyungsoo’s company, when it’s just the two of them. Sometimes he gets Kyungsoo to teach him how to do questions he already knows how to solve just so he can claim rewards in the form of kisses, and it’s been working pretty well because Kyungsoo still falls for it every single time.

“Hey.”

“What?”

“My parents are going overseas this weekend.”

Kyungsoo spares him another glance though he never stops scrawling on his paper, the scritching of his pen not having stopped once since he picked it up. “And?”

Jongin eyes him. Kyungsoo’s face is blank, but he knows him well enough to know Kyungsoo knows exactly what he has chosen to omit. He just wants to hear Jongin say it to him, and goodness, who knew the quiet boy behind the camera could be so sly?

“And,” Jongin grabs his left hand, locking their fingers. “I want to stay over at your house.”

“I’ve always been taught to ask for permission when I’m asking something of others.”

The scritching stops, the pen abandoned on the table as Kyungsoo stares at him with a mischievous sparkle in his eyes. What else can Jongin do but comply?

“Can I please stay over at your house? You know I don’t sleep so well without you…” To prove his point, he leans forward so that their faces are closer. “Look at my eyebags! It’s all because of the nights I’ve had to spend without you...”

At this, Kyungsoo’s brows knit together to paint an image of mock solemnity as he examines Jongin’s face carefully. Jongin loves it. He loves it when he brings out this side of Kyungsoo, the side that’s playful and doesn’t appear very often, only when he’s in the right mood. And when it does, it’s adorable enough to tilt Jongin into a fatal overdose.

“It does seem quite unfortunate, yes,” he agrees wholeheartedly, “I think you might have to undergo surgery. Oh no, Jongin, our poor Jongin, they might have to dig out your eyes completely. Poor you. What will you do?”

Their fingers are still intertwined and Kyungsoo’s holding on just as he is. Jongin pauses for a moment to relish in this moment, his heart swelling with tenderness and gratitude at being able to be here with Kyungsoo like this, to have their own secret space in a place he has always felt so overwhelmed in. He thinks he’s imagining it when something warm— Kyungsoo’s other hand— caresses his face lightly, just a couple of times.

“You wouldn’t deny me the honour of being able to look upon your ridiculously handsome face before I lose my sight forever, would you? Mister Do has never struck me as being someone coldhearted and ruthless.”

Kyungsoo’s fingers tighten around his, and the distraction almost causes Jongin to miss his shrug and the shift in his expression, now looking more smug than serious.

“There’ll be nobody home this weekend so I guess… you can. Like you said, I have to live up to my reputation of being everything that is benevolent and kind and wonderful and—”

“And mine?” Jongin can’t help adding cheekily, and earns a soft laugh. “Okay, but seriously, I can go over this weekend right?”

Kyungsoo shrugs again. “If you want to.”

“You have no idea how long I’ve waited for this.”

It’s the truth. Jongin has been thinking about the dreamy night they spent in the car very frequently as of late, of the first time he got to touch Kyungsoo and hear his cute little moans. After that he had been too fixated on making this person his completely, of just making sure his feelings are really reciprocated, and now that all of that has been ascertained, he thinks he’s ready to move on. He has not touched Kyungsoo since that night, and Kyungsoo has not initiated anything, but inaction isn’t why Jongin is here today.

Kyungsoo raises an eyebrow. “Yeah?”

Jongin’s just about to prove it with his lips when the door creaks open, a jolt of surprise tearing him away from Kyungsoo just in time to see Baekhyun’s familiar face. Their hands slip away from each other, a move they execute at the same time, but he thinks Baekhyun did see something despite their lightning-quick reaction because his eyebrows are raised in a knowing manner.

“Am I interrupting something?”

“We were in the midst of discussing how we were going to take over the world, what’s up?” Kyungsoo responds smoothly without missing a beat and Jongin has to take his hat off to him since his own heartbeat is still accelerated and his mind still recovering from the surprise. But it’s really not everyday that he gets to see Kyungsoo like this. He wonders what happened to put him in such a good mood.

“I just came to get my stuff, don’t mind me.” Baekhyun bends over to retrieve the bag tucked neatly underneath the table, and very visibly halts when he catches sight of their legs tangled together. It’s too late to change anything, but Jongin feels Kyungsoo’s legs slip away from his anyway, the way his fingers did.

It’s not like it changes a single thing about their relationship and feelings for each other, yet there’s no denying the thick bitterness he tastes on his tongue.

“Uh.” Baekhyun doesn’t seem to know where to look, his gaze darting around. “Kyungsoo, don’t forget the final project is due by the end of this month. And we should talk about who we’re electing as president too, but I think you’re both busy with… homework. Call me when you’re free then. Bye.” He leaves then, in a hurried manner, and slams the door after him in his haste to get away.

Something in the atmosphere must have shifted when they weren’t paying attention because now Jongin has his hands clasped together and placed before him as he swallows thickly, a stark contrast to how they had been all wrapped up around each other just a few minutes prior to this.

“So… what were we talking about?” is not the question Jongin wants to ask, but it has to do for now because he, too, needs some time to think about the question balancing dangerously at the tip of his tongue.

He wants to ask Kyungsoo what they are exactly— Are they dating? Are they boyfriends? How long do they plan to stay a secret? Do they have to hide anything?

Kyungsoo’s answer quells the budding tension sufficiently. “World domination,” he says with a completely straight face and Jongin’s laughing, laughing as he watches Kyungsoo’s lips stretch into a pretty smile, laughing as their fingers find their way back to each other, laughing as everything goes back to the way it had been before Baekhyun invaded their little bubble.

-

The mustard couch positioned before the large screen television has finally come to use today. It’s soft, feels even nicer than his own couch, like everything in Kyungsoo’s house does. Jongin has Kyungsoo curled up against him, his arm stretched around Kyungsoo’s shoulders and the other actively reaching for freshly peeled oranges from the fruit bowl by his lap.

He’s watching something Kyungsoo chose from the Blockbuster channel—Iron Man 3, whereas Kyungsoo is absorbed in his manga, his eyes so completely transfixed on the book as he flips through page after page with delicate fingers.

Slow Saturday nights are best spent like this. Not in the pool, not behind a camera, but in each other’s arms. Despite the passivity of their activity, all of his senses are alive now, so earnestly pursuing a passionate relationship with the world, and with such talmudic concentration too, as Kyungsoo chuckles softly from time to time beside him. Nothing feels unconquerable when Kyungsoo is caged in his embrace.

When Kyungsoo starts opening his mouth, a silent request to be fed oranges, Jongin complies. He delivers slice after slice into his mouth, his own lips lifting into a smile whenever Kyungsoo gets a particularly sour slice and his features twist into a grimace.

Then he’s not paying so much attention to Kyungsoo anymore because Tony Stark is about to rescue the love of his life from the fiery pits and Jongin has been waiting the entire show for this moment. He continues to feed himself oranges, his eyes locked on the television screen.

The first time it happens is when he has bitten into an exceptionally sweet slice, and is just about to devour the rest of it when Kyungsoo leans up with his mouth open. Jongin draws his attention away from the television long enough to give it up to him before nothing can steal him away from the climax reeling out before him.

Then it happens a second time, and a third, and after the same thing happens too many times for it be simply coincidental, he becomes more aware of the presence beside him. He can feel it now, the burning sensation he gets whenever Kyungsoo is watching him, and figures out what has been happening in a matter of seconds.

This little brat has been observing his expression to save himself from the agonizing sourness of the oranges and claiming the sweet ones for himself after Jongin has proven them to be. He tries to keep his face impassive, not wanting to give away any signs of having noticed what Kyungsoo is up to. And when his teeth sink into an extremely sour piece this time, he makes sure not to let it show, and instead trades the grimace for a satisfied hum.

Kyungsoo is sold.

He leans up again, his mouth wide open, and Jongin’s just about to deliver the punishment into his mouth when he looks down at Kyungsoo and halts all movement. Kyungsoo’s eyes are brimming with anticipation, so much like a child—how can Jongin possibly do that to someone who looks this adorable?

Instead of resuming its original course, his hand makes a sharp detour and Kyungsoo’s face falls when he consumes the remaining half of the orange slice, still trying not to let his grimace show. For redemption, he reaches for another piece and gets a sweet one this time, and immediately offers it to Kyungsoo who has the audacity to eye him suspiciously before eating it, his lips brushing against Jongin’s fingers as he does.

He lets out a satisfied hum too, a genuine one, and Jongin doesn’t know if he should laugh or cry. Regardless, his heart swells with fondness for this clever boy.

They continue like this throughout the movie; Jongin pretending to not know what Kyungsoo is up to as he gives up all the sweet ones to him and Kyungsoo remains in a world of sweetness and manga. But with Kyungsoo like this beside him, even the sour slices have lost their sourness, tinged with the sweetness of adoration instead, though Jongin still makes sure to grimace at the sour ones so Kyungsoo will avoid them.

Kyungsoo finishes his manga before the movie comes to an end and he snuggles deeper into Jongin’s embrace, something Jongin really appreciates because he can feel Kyungsoo starting to get used to and grow dependent on him too. It’s not a bad thing because Kyungsoo still retains his self-sufficiency, and Jongin too, but they have a place for each other now.

His phone vibrates right when the credits come on and Jongin keeps his gaze stretched forward, just minding his own business. It proves impossible to do that when Kyungsoo sighs and Jongin’s gaze flits right over to the device in his hands, making out the words.

It’s a message from Seungsoo.

“My brother’s on his way home.” Kyungsoo tells him what he already knows and Jongin just lifts his shoulders into a shrug.

“I can still stay, right?”

“I guess.”

“We’ll just go to your room when he comes back.”

Kyungsoo only looks at him, his face temporarily unreadable. It makes Jongin a little uncomfortable and he grabs the empty fruit bowl to place it on the table before them just to have something else to do, to avoid Kyungsoo’s penetrating gaze, and that expression is gone when he looks at Kyungsoo again.

They choose another blockbuster film, one that turns out to be rather disappointing and Jongin is just about to suggest ditching it when headlights from outside breach their little sanctuary. It separates them the way Baekhyun’s intrusion drew them apart, but Kyungsoo’s arm is still pressed against his and Jongin has to suppress the sudden urge to giggle when he hears the front door open. It’s like they’re children playing hide and seek again, except this time it’s something more abstract they’re hiding, and frankly, Jongin doesn’t really want to hide it at all.

He gets to his feet to greet Seungsoo who is definitely much taller than Kyungsoo is, almost at Jongin’s height, but he has the same kind eyes and that instantly puts Jongin at ease. He’s also stockier, his tight T-shirt revealing broader shoulders and a well-built body. Definitely not someone he get on the bad side of, one reason being his muscular stature, the other being Kyungsoo.

“Hi,” Jongin starts awkwardly, “I’m Jongin.”

He doesn’t miss the way Seungsoo’s eyes rake over him. “Hey. Kyungsoo did tell me he has someone over.”

Kyungsoo is still lounging on the couch, watching them from where he is. “Do you want anything to eat?”

The civility in Seungsoo’s smile morphs into gentleness as he shifts his attention to his brother. “Nah, I’m good. He’s staying over?”

“Yeah.”

Seungsoo nods. “Okay, you boys have fun. I’ll be in my room.”

“Thanks,” Jongin calls after him. Anything to leave a good impression.

Kyungsoo seems amused by his efforts. He tilts his head at Jongin, a smile playing on his lips.

“So, another movie or my room?”

Jongin holds his hand out to him, fire in his eyes.

“You already know my answer.”

-

The heat in his belly is the only thing Jongin can feel when he pushes Kyungsoo onto the bed the moment the door slams shut. Kyungsoo’s back sinks into the softness of the mattress and before he can say anything, has his mouth pressed against Jongin’s.

It’s not typical of Jongin to be so aggressive, but he has been holding back for a long time now and tonight he’s going to make all of the waiting worth it. Kyungsoo’s lips feel so good against his, so thick and so warm. He nibbles on them, teases him with his tongue, explores the cavern of Kyungsoo’s mouth, until Kyungsoo forcefully pulls away for air. He can still taste the sweetness of the oranges. Kyungsoo’s chest is already heaving and his cheeks flushed just from kissing, and Jongin has never seen anything more alluring than the boy beneath him now.

He gives Kyungsoo time to recover his breath and entertains himself by trailing butterfly kisses down his face, starting with his forehead, moving down to his nose, his cheeks, his ears, his chin. Every single part is addictive. There’s no way to resist moving further south when Kyungsoo has his head thrown back, his Adam’s apple so exposed to Jongin who greets it with his tongue, licking a fat stripe down his neck. Then he closes his mouth around the side of his neck and sucks lightly at first, and more forcefully when Kyungsoo doesn’t protest.

Kyungsoo’s arms curl loosely around his waist, his hands sliding up and down Jongin’s back before they make their way beneath his T-shirt. There’s a faint red petal blooming on Kyungsoo’s neck when Jongin draws away, and he spares a second to glance at Kyungsoo for permission before painting more petals across his neck with his lips. Kyungsoo doesn’t seem to know what’s happening exactly. His eyes are at half-mast from the unfamiliar but extremely pleasurable sensations and Jongin takes his silence as consent.

When he’s satisfied with his artwork, he moves on. He lifts Kyungsoo’s shirt over his head and flings it aside, not looking to see where it lands. The paleness of his skin is a contrast to his own and Jongin loves it, loves how they fit like yin and yang, loves the look of lust and desire in Kyungsoo’s eyes when he runs his hands down his chest, loves the cute little moans that roll out when he leans down to take a nipple between his lips.

The noises spilling from Kyungsoo’s mouth are very much subdued, and Jongin is confused as to why until he remembers his brother is just next door. It doesn’t really matter to Jongin. He’s determined to take them up to heaven tonight. With that, he swirls his tongue around the other nipple when he’s done with the first one. Kyungsoo arches his back, and probably would have moved his lower half as well, but his movement is restricted by the weight of Jongin pinning him down.

“Take off your shirt,” he hears Kyungsoo say in a breathy voice, and pulls back to do so.

Now Kyungsoo is at liberty to run his hands down Jongin’s bare front, to admire his toned body, and he slides them up and down repeatedly until they settle around Jongin’s waist. Jongin, who is straddling Kyungsoo, can feel his arousal through the material of his sweatpants. He grins.

“I got you all worked up,” he says proudly.

Kyungsoo’s response totally catches him off guard. He simply closes his fingers around the tent in Jongin’s sweatpants and cocks an eyebrow.

“You’re all worked up too.”

Jongin dives back down to his lips, sucking hard on Kyungsoo’s bottom lip. “You’re responsible for that,” he mumbles between Kyungsoo’s lips, now swollen and even prettier than before.

It’s not a lie when he says he can spend all day just kissing Kyungsoo, but now there’s something else demanding his attention. Jongin palms Kyungsoo’s hardness and feels it grow, which has a similar effect on his smile. Then he hooks his fingers around Kyungsoo’s pants and pulls it down to his ankles. Kyungsoo does the rest and kicks off his pants, impatient fingers tugging at Jongin’s pants impatiently.

They’re both almost fully hard and Jongin traps Kyungsoo between his arms, aligning his body with Kyungsoo’s so that their erections are pressed together. Honestly, he doesn’t really know what he’s doing. His body is moving on its own, his hips grinding down tentatively and when a wave of pleasure muddles his mind, he does it a second time, then a third. It earns him a seductive sound that’s halfway between a gasp and a moan from Kyungsoo and it evolves into unrestrained moaning when the rhythm becomes constant.

Jongin’s own breathing is ragged, exhaling hot air against Kyungsoo’s sensitive ear which turns the latter on even more.

They’re so into it that they don’t hear the first knock, but when the subsequent knocks grow in volume, the rhythm breaks and Jongin stops what he’s doing. Kyungsoo’s eyes grow wide.

“Kyungsoo, are you awake?” Seungsoo’s voice drift to their ears through the door.

Kyungsoo reacts by attempting to push Jongin off him, but Jongin doesn’t budge. He merely covers Kyungsoo’s mouth with his hand and tries to regain the rhythm that was giving him pleasure beyond words, more forcefully this time. The friction from their dicks rubbing together proves too much to handle for Kyungsoo who can’t hold back his moans, and even Jongin is moaning softly, hoping Seungsoo doesn’t hear them and that he leaves soon.

The knocking continues and it must be the thrill of getting discovered if he so much as decides to barge in that’s driving Kyungsoo out of his mind. His cheeks are completely flushed, burning against Jongin’s hand, and his breathing extremely rough as his nails dig sharply into Jongin’s waist. And Jongin, in a moment of recklessness, reaches between them for Kyungsoo’s dick and fists it, pumping.

Seungsoo gives up and leaves right before Kyungsoo comes, hitting climax with an exceptionally loud but muffled moan. His inexperienced libido is probably why it didn’t take very long, but even Jongin who’s more experienced finds himself so inexorably near the pinnacle just doing this.

The look on Kyungsoo’s face as he comes is enough to provoke Jongin into his own release. He relinquishes his hand from Kyungsoo’s mouth and kisses him gently, not wanting to move just yet.

“You could have gotten us into trouble,” chides Kyungsoo when Jongin draws back to look at him.

He gives a one-sided shrug and his most charming smile. “You are the trouble I’m in.”

Kyungsoo blinks once, twice, thrice, then breaks into a dazzling smile that doesn’t help in slowing Jongin’s frenzied palpitations. But that’s just something he has to get used to, because even after many years later, Kyungsoo will still have the same effect on him.


	7. Chapter 7

If it had been some other person waiting at the porch in a hideous beach shirt, hands around the railings in an attempt to keep the barely-contained anticipation at bay, Jongin would have found it endearing. But it’s Sehun who’s standing eagerly by the door, a tall and lanky fashion terrorist with the glaring contrast of his solar yellow adidas backpack against his bright blue shirt, and any feelings of endearment fritter the second they make eye-contact. He can never take this guy seriously.

Sehun leaps off the stairs and has his hand around the door handle to the passenger seat before the car even comes to a stop, and Jongin barely manages to reach over in time to hold it shut. Sehun’s eyebrows arch, confusion spilling through. He mouths something along the line of what the fuck are you doing and Jongin rolls down the window, shooting a grin at him, a dose of sweetness before what he has to say.

“Hey,” Jongin greets him cheerfully. “Take the backseat.”

“Why?”

“The passenger seat is taken.”

Sehun leans forward, squinting, though he would have seen the same thing without trying. “No it isn’t,” he says with his eyebrows arched even higher now. For a passing second, Jongin worries that they might stretch all the way up to his scalp.

“Uh.” He releases his grip and reaches for his backpack in the backseat while hoping Sehun doesn’t use the opportunity to steal the passenger seat. Fortunately, Sehun does exactly that, frozen in a great state of confusion which only compounds when Jongin dumps his backpack in the seat beside him and directs his gaze back to Sehun. “Now it is.”

The windows roll up before Sehun gets a chance to swear at him. He gets in anyway, after another moment to get over his bewilderment, ducking his head as he crawls into the car. The overpowering scent of cologne makes Jongin crinkle his nose.

“That’s a little excessive,” he informs Sehun who merely flips him off and pokes his head through the space between the passenger and driver seat to turn the radio on.

They resume their journey afterwards, and the next person they’re going to pick up is someone Jongin has been missing terribly despite having seen each other just yesterday in school. His heart lightens and flutters as the tyres roll over miles of rough gravel, until halfway through the ride when Sehun kicks the back of his seat.

“Hey.”

“What?”

“Do you mind picking Jieun up? She was supposed to hitch a ride from Minseok but Jongdae and his friend changed their minds and decided to join us so… Maximum capacity in that car.”

Something in Jongin sinks at the sound of that name. The only image that comes to mind is her tear-stricken face, nose red and eyes puffy, on the day Jongin told her it was over for them. He nearly forgets to make a left turn and swerves just in time, the screeching of the tyres shattering that image of albatross for him.

“Sorry if it’s awkward,” Sehun mutters after a pregnant pause.

Jongin sighs. “Should have thought of that before you decided to ask her along.”

“She’s my good friend, I’m not gonna ditch her just because you guys broke up. Anyway, you’re the one who initiated the break-up, so she should be the one who feels more awkward, right?”

Sehun’s face is too uncomfortably close to his. Jongin lets go of the gear stick to take control of the steering wheel instead so he can reach over to jab Sehun’s forehead with the other hand, the force throwing him back.

“Fine, but let’s just pick Kyungsoo up first.”

“Yeah, you call the shots.”

 

There’s nobody waiting at the porch when the familiar bricked walls flood his sight and Jongin sends Kyungsoo a text to let him know they’ve arrived. Jongin tosses his backpack back to the backseat in the few seconds Kyungsoo takes to respond, the door opening to reveal someone who still manages to take away Jongin’s breath even when he’s just wearing a turquoise tank top and beach shorts.

But then again, even if he had showed up wearing the exact same outfit as Sehun, he would have appeared every bit as charming in Jongin’s eyes. Jongin surveys the house quickly— looks empty again— and turns in time for his gaze to meet Kyungsoo’s when he pulls open the door to the passenger seat.

“Hey,” Kyungsoo says with a small smile that’s exceptionally blinding with the sunlight pouring in. He notices Sehun in the back and extends his greeting to him as well, but doesn’t question why he’s there because he knows Jongin well enough.

They get going only when Kyungsoo’s seatbelt is buckled and Sehun starts chatting him up the moment they do. Jongin tunes out from their conversation right from the start, his mind full of other thoughts, then realizes with a pang that Kyungsoo doesn’t quite know about their change of plans.

He cuts Sehun off mid-sentence. “Hey, uh, last minute change of plans. We’re going to pick up Jieun now.”

Sehun substantiates it for him and relays the same story to Kyungsoo who just nods, though the glance he steals at Jongin doesn’t go unmissed by the man himself.

It feels strange to be driving into Jieun’s driveway again having taken this route a thousand times before as her boyfriend and now as nothing more than a friend. Nothing but guilt surfaces; no hope of a possible reconciliation, just confirmation that it was indeed the right decision.

He hasn’t spoken to her since the day they broke up and it’s a little nerve-wrecking when he spots her familiar stature approaching their car. Jongin licks his dry lips, trying not to stare. Jieun’s always wearing dresses outside of school, so her cotton shirt and denim shorts draw his attention as she closes in, gets into the car and settles down besides Sehun.

Their eyes meet through the rearview mirror. Scorching guilt flares in the pit of his stomach and Jongin drops his gaze, his fingers tightening around the steering wheel. He can feel Kyungsoo’s eyes on him and it only adds on to the burning.

Nobody says anything. The silence is thick and uncomfortable, a complete change from just now. Now there are five passengers, including the elephant in the room.

“Chanyeol says they’re already on the way so we should probably be on ours too?” Sehun’s suggestion fills the silence, probably feeling just as awkward as everyone there, and looks back down at his phone when Jongin steps on the pedal and the car jerks forward.

The first 10 minutes is spent in silence, the stretch of road as bare as their atmosphere. Sehun is the one who starts the ball rolling, engaging Jieun in conversation and Jongin feels a load off his shoulders when the the radio ceases being the only source of sound in the car. He lets the conversation become background noise and finally spares a glance at Kyungsoo who has his face inclined towards the window, looking very untouchable at that moment. His fingers twitch, wanting nothing more than to reach out and touch him, feel his skin and find some comfort. But he keeps them locked around the steering wheel.

“Jongin, have you accepted any scholarships?”

Long tuned out from the conversation, it takes him a while to realize Jieun is talking to him. When he does, his gaze flickers to the rearview mirror and finds her already looking at him.

“Uh, not yet. I’m still thinking about it.”

 

“Oh.”

She offers him a small smile then and Jongin returns it immediately, his smile much wider. It reaches all the way to his eyes as the remaining bit of weight on his shoulders dissolves into the clear blue sky. She really is a great person— how many girls can initiate a friendship with someone who dumped them without explaining why? That’s the only thought on Jongin’s mind, who’s beyond grateful that he lost a girlfriend but gained a friend.

He starts humming to the song on the radio and the elephant makes its way out of the car. The car picks up speed after its departure. Kyungsoo looks at him again, and this time, Jongin returns his gaze. There’s no need to go to the beach to swim, or any waterbody for that matter. He can swim in the depths of Kyungsoo’s eyes.

It’s difficult to remember they’re not alone because the rest of the world just blurs out of focus whenever his eyes are on Jongin, but because his ex-girlfriend is sitting in the backseat, Jongin forces himself to be a little more considerate and breaks the eye-contact before it can escalate to a staring match (which he would definitely be all too willing to indulge in were they in a different situation).

“Are you bored?” he asks in a low voice, his question meant for only Kyungsoo.

“A little.” Kyungsoo answers just as softly.

He hands his phone to Kyungsoo who takes it with a perplexed frown.

“I downloaded a new game yesterday, you might find it entertaining.”

“Passcode?”

“1214,” says Jongin, who finds himself only capable of keeping his eyes on the road ahead after that.

His GPS informs him that they’re approximately 25 minutes away from the beach and he has Sehun convey that to Chanyeol, who promptly lets him know that they’re already ‘setting up HQ’ . It seems not many people are intending to go to the beach because traffic remains relatively sparse the whole way there, much to Jongin’s delight. There is nothing nicer than the thought of spending a quiet day at the beach with people he’s close to.

Sehun and Jieun are in another world when Jongin looks at them through the rearview mirror, laughing about something Jongin didn’t quite catch, doesn’t really care about, and the itching in his heart that has been calling out to him the entire ride finally wins him over and provokes him into action. He releases the gearstick and stretches his arm over to the passenger seat, to Kyungsoo who has sold his soul to the game, and covers the phone screen with his hand. It earns him a frown but Kyungsoo’s attention makes up for that.

“Is it fun?”

Kyungsoo lifts his eyebrows. “Not bad.”

Their wrists are pressed together, the entire weight of his arm on Kyungsoo’s, and he swears he sees Kyungsoo’s gaze flicker to the rearview mirror as if to ensure something before his fingertips dance across the expanse of Jongin’s skin lightly, teasingly.

It makes Jongin almost forget he’s driving again, something that has happened multiple times today, and his breath is hitched. Then Kyungsoo gives in to gravity and lets his fingers rest around Jongin’s arm, giving him a light squeeze.

Sehun’s invasion startles the both of them when he pokes his head through the gap without warning and Jongin tries to make their interaction look as normal as possible, as if he’s just helping Kyungsoo with the game, and for the first time today he’s glad that it’s Sehun in his car instead of Chanyeol who’s more observant about stuff like that.

“Are we there yet?”

Jongin glances at the GPS. “Almost,” he tells him.

“Okay,” says Sehun, and disappears out of direct sight.

They don’t risk doing anything suspicious afterwards; Kyungsoo goes back to being engrossed in the game and Jongin focuses on getting all of them safely to the beach.

He spots his group of friends from the parking lot and Sehun takes off like an arrow the moment he gets out of the car, followed by Jieun who can’t run very fast in her sandals, laughing as she chases him while trying to stop her sun hat from flying away. Kyungsoo returns him his phone at this point of time and Jongin tucks it into his pocket unthinkingly, just wanting to fall into step with Kyungsoo whom he wishes he could hold hands and listen to the sound of the waves with.

Baekhyun jogs over to Kyungsoo when they come into close range and Jongin bumps his fist against Chanyeol’s, grinning up at him. Minseok greets them loudly with a beer in his grasp. Jongdae’s unidentified friend introduces himself as Yixing with a sweet dimpled smile that lingers when he looks at Jieun.

As promised, HQ has already been set up, a striped mat spread neatly across the golden grains of sand with picnic baskets and an icebox pinning it down. Jongin’s stomach growls and he’s suddenly really interested in finding out what’s in there, ready to devour everything as long as it didn’t come from Chanyeol because they got really bad stomach-aches the last time he tried to make them sandwiches.

He settles down into the most comfortable position he can find and hopes Baekhyun will release Kyungsoo from whatever story he’s telling him soon because he intends to spend his day with Kyungsoo by his side. Unfortunately, Minseok flops down beside him while Baekhyun is still very much caught up in his tale and Chanyeol takes the other side, and Jongin just has to accept that life can’t always go his way. He looks eagerly towards the picnic baskets instead, and after Chanyeol confirms that they didn’t come from him, Jongin stops holding himself back.

There are egg mayo sandwiches and cherry tomatoes and Jongin grabs an appropriate share, determined not to give in to one of the seven deadly sins—greed. It takes the rest some time to settle into a circle on the picnic mat that ends up proving too small to accommodate all 9 of them. Nobody complains about sitting on the sand, though Jongin internally complains when he sees Kyungsoo sandwiched between Sehun and Yixing. Jongdae suggests Ultimate right after they wipe out the contents of the picnic basket and Jongin rises to his feet, patting sand off his shorts.

Who cares about proper digestion and side stitches? Jongin catches the flying disc from Jongdae on the run— he’s not bragging, but he’s really pretty damn good at this— and expertly flicks his wrist, sending the disc back to Jongdae who then passes it to Minseok. They play as the holy trinity until the rest catch up, and then they get into teams. Jieun stays at the picnic map to guard their belongings, understandably not wishing to participate in a game involving a group of mostly athletic guys.

Jongin gets Minseok, Yixing, and Baekhyun on his team after drawing lots and they get into the competitive mode quickly, their level of hostility a little frightening for Baekhyun and Kyungsoo who are all too used to the tranquility behind a camera. They adapt quickly, however, and Kyungsoo proves to be pretty good too as he catches the disc from Minseok easily.

Chanyeol’s already waiting in the scoring zone and catches the disc Kyungsoo sends flying over, a little shaky but aimed in the right direction, albeit barely because Minseok attempts to intercept, and it’s a score. Scoring the first goal (or any goal for that matter) is definitely something worth being happy about, even for Jongin because it’s his Kyungsoo who made it possible. But when he sees Sehun pulling Kyungsoo close and throwing his arm around his shoulders, his smile fades. No, he’s not jealous. Definitely not. Jongin doesn’t do jealousy. He just thinks their enthusiasm is a little exaggerated and god, did Sehun really just pinch Kyungsoo’s cheek?

The game resumes and Baekhyun misses Jongin’s pass, probably startled by the murderous glint in his eyes. Sehun picks up the disc. He tosses it smoothly to Jongdae, who in turn passes it to Kyungsoo, and because Yixing is too short to intercept the high throw, Chanyeol singlehandedly catches the disc effortlessly.

For the second time, Jongin watches Sehun thank Kyungsoo for his effort by touching him too intimately for Jongin’s liking, his arms curling around Kyungsoo as he high-fives him.

It’s not something that has anything to do with Kyungsoo when Jongin raises his arm and calls for time-out. He just doesn’t like losing. His teammates gather and they strategize— Minseok marks Chanyeol, Yixing marks Jongdae, Baekhyun marks Kyungsoo, and of course Jongin marks Sehun. It’s nothing more than a rational decision since they’re around the same height.

They fall into their respective roles when the game resumes and Jongin does Sehun the honour of making him his siamese twin. He makes sure to stand right in front of Sehun to block any incoming disc, and it’s going pretty well until he spots Kyungsoo approaching them. Instead of standing in front of Sehun to intercept, Jongin wedges himself between the two of them in the few seconds Baekhyun takes to catch up with Kyungsoo, already panting. He smiles at Kyungsoo when Kyungsoo turns to look at him. It must have been a disarming one, because Kyungsoo doesn’t see the disc Jongdae sends flying over to him until it’s just right before of him and Jongin intercepts the pass easily, sending it flying towards Minseok before Sehun has a chance to steal it.

Strategies really are essential in games.

The game draws to an ends when Baekhyun’s body gives up, something Jongin doesn’t judge him for because he’s getting tired too, and he’s definitely not going to object to ending it now with his team in the lead. He laughs at the sight of Baekhyun who has collapsed onto the sand, well on his way to becoming a sand-pie, and then looks for Kyungsoo.

Kyungsoo is talking to Sehun, just the two of them, and Jongin makes his way there immediately. He arrives just in time to hear Sehun telling him how good he is, that he hadn’t really expected it, and that he’s glad they’ve grown closer. Closer my ass.

“Hey Sehun,” Jongin cuts him off before Kyungsoo can form a response. “Chanyeol’s looking for you.”

“Oh, he is?” Sehun cranes his neck towards where Chanyeol is play-wrestling Minseok, and with a sigh, goes to look for him.

Now it’s just the two of them again, an arrangement Jongin likes.

Kyungsoo is covered in a sheen of perspiration, but he looks so radiant and happy it melts Jongin’s heart.

“Are you tired?”

Kyungsoo nods. “Exhausted,” he declares.

A bead of perspiration rolls down his temple and Jongin reaches forward to wipe it away with his palm, beaming at Kyungsoo.

“I’m glad you’re having fun.”

“Congratulations on your win.”

“Did I win your heart though?”

How different he is when he’s in love is something that surprises him as well. But he doesn’t mind his corny words. He’s literally filled to the brim with fondness for Kyungsoo and he’s not afraid to show it; he wants to continue expressing his affection for a long, long, long time. He still has a lot of love to give.

Kyungsoo’s lips tug into an easy smile, just about to respond when a shout distracts them. They trace the source to Jongdae, who starts waving his arms once he has their attention, beckoning Kyungsoo back.

“Go ahead,” Jongin encourages him.

“What about you?”

He looks towards the vast sea, eyes sparkling. “I’m going to swim,” he informs Kyungsoo as he peels off his shirt and digs out his phone and passes them to Kyungsoo who stays there watching after him. He watches the foam sweep over Jongin’s feet when he gets close enough, he watches the way Jongin saunters into the sea as it beckons him home, he watches Jongin become part of it. Then, with a small smile and a balled up shirt that doesn’t belong to him, makes his way back to the picnic mat. At this moment, there’s absolutely nothing that can tear Jongin away from the sea.

-

The sea feels thoroughly different from the pool he’s so used to swimming in. It’s so vast, he can swim forever and ever and ever if he wants to. There are no feelings of restraint. Somewhere clear and open like the sea is where Jongin feels most alive, his senses sharp and his heart warm. The noises from the beach bounce off the invisible wall erected at the boundary where the sand meets the sea and even Kyungsoo’s not really in his mind when he swings his arms forward and just swims, feeling the water.

Jongin’s not really good at anything else besides swimming. Sometimes he wishes he was better at other things, maybe academically smarter, maybe be able to play three different instruments, maybe pick up foreign languages quickly. But when he’s in the water, those desires burn to ashes. He doesn’t need anything else besides his gift in swimming. His passion makes up for everything he’s lacking. And this gift is something he would not give up for anything else.

He doesn’t swim too far out, not stupid enough to completely ignore the potential dangers even though he’s a very fit swimmer, and starts swimming back to shore when the waves start to grow aggressive and he feels the first raindrops. The sky has darkened significantly, dark clouds swimming across the surface, and Jongin surfaces from the sea regretfully. He really ought to do this more often. His mind is clear and he feels good.

Kyungsoo is the only person he has his eyes on when he hurries back to where his friends are waiting, still holding on to his shirt. He grants him a smile when he comes close and Jongin’s life can’t be anymore complete right now.

“Had a good time?”

Jongin’s teeth show in his grin. “Perfect.”

He tries to ignore Jieun’s insistent gaze on him and digs through his backpack for his towel, falling behind the group as he does. Kyungsoo stays right by his side, slowing his pace to meet Jongin’s. They make it to the pavilion where some other people have also arrived at to seek shelter from the drizzle that has now evolved into a heavy downpour.

“You think the rain is gonna stop anytime soon?” he hears Chanyeol ask Baekhyun.

“I doubt it,” replies Baekhyun in a barely comprehensible mutter.

Then someone tugs at his elbow. Jongin knows it’s Jieun before he turns to look.

“Can I talk to you?” Her face has gone serious, an expression Jongin is not used to. He gulps, wondering if he has done anything wrong, and follows after her wordlessly as she leads them to the other deserted end of the pavilion. He steals a glance at Kyungsoo who’s watching them too on his way there, and hopes it’s not because Jieun has found out about their relationship— not because he’s ashamed or anything, simply because it hasn’t been too long since they broke up and he has already hurt her enough. He doesn’t want to be the reason for her tears anymore.

Only now does Jongin realize her sun-hat is nowhere in sight. He regards her nervously without a single inkling of what she’s about to say. She, on the other hand, takes a few seconds to compose herself as her cheeks puff out.

“Okay, I’m just gonna be direct.” His heart thumps forcefully, jaw clenched. Whatever it is, it doesn’t seem too good. “I’m still really in love with you, Jongin.” That takes him by surprise. She looks straight into his eyes and all Jongin can think of is how different the girl standing before him now is compared to the one who confessed to him two years ago, who had been unable to even lift her head. “And I really hope we can get back together. I know you might need a little break from me now but I just want to let you know that I’m waiting for you, I’ll wait for you, and I’ll be really happy if you change your mind and decide to come back to me one day.”

Jongin drops his lousy eyes, his cheeks heating up. “I—”

“Don’t tell me I’ll find someone better. For me, you’re the best guy around. Not just any other guy will do, Jongin.”

He really wishes someone would come over and interrupt them now. His friends are never annoying at the right time. Quickly, he looks past her shoulder and sees them still huddled in the same corner, now drinking and talking. Nobody is paying attention to them— except Kyungsoo. When their eyes meet, the words come to mind. He keeps his gaze fixated on that figure and says, “don’t waste your time on me anymore, Jieun. There’s no way we can get back together.”

“Why?”

Kyungsoo’s face alone is enough to fill him with strength. He looks at Jieun again, and knows he has to say what he wants to say even though he would hate to be an asshole and to hurt her like this. She’s already tearing up, and Jongin lets a moment slide before hardening his resolve. He has to.

“There’s someone I have in mind.”

She blinks away her tears, a look of surprise crossing her features. Apparently she had not been expecting that. “Is it someone I know?”

Jongin’s gaze flits to Kyungsoo again, and realizes he can’t lie. His feelings for Kyungsoo are something he will never deny even if it means Jieun will feel even more hurt. “Yeah.”

The background cacophony of the rain acts as a buffer as Jieun takes some time, takes all the time she needs, to internalize what Jongin has said. She forces herself to smile, evidently suppressing tears and the sight of her like this makes Jongin avert his gaze. Kyungsoo isn’t watching them anymore. He’s listening intently to whatever Minseok is telling them with a drink in his hands.

“Okay,” she finally says in a shaky voice. “I got it. Let’s go back.”

She walks away before Jongin has the chance to apologize, and it’s for the better because Jongin doesn’t really want to apologize when he thinks about it again. His feelings are not something he should have to apologize for. It is what it is.

They rejoin the group very naturally; nobody says anything to them or tries to inquire about the private conversation they had. Jieun goes to stand between Sehun and Yixing, and Jongin slides in between Chanyeol and Kyungsoo. Chanyeol shoots him a glance loaded with meaning and Jongin knows he’ll have to tell Chanyeol about his relationship with Kyungsoo soon, but it’s not now and he doesn’t really wanna think about it, can’t think about it when Kyungsoo is looking at him in a strange way.

He raises his eyebrows which Jongin interprets as are you okay? and he nods in response. Absolutely fine. Even if he isn’t, everything will be fine the moment he has Kyungsoo by his side. All of his problems will vanish like magic.

Jieun adamantly refuses to look at him and Jongin’s teeth digs into his lower lip cruelly, the guilt coming in waves. He practically has to force himself to remain rooted to where he is, hearing nothing but the thrashing of the rain. The sea. He wants to swim. He wants the water to comfort him. He needs to swim. He doesn’t realize he’s fidgeting, shifting his weight from one leg to the other until he feels the pressure on the small of his back.

An anchor.

The concern in Kyungsoo’s eyes is almost overflowing and Jongin doesn’t have to be in the sea to feel comforted now. He doesn’t have to go anywhere, Kyungsoo has brought the sea to him. The hand pressed to the small of his back coaxes him out of his restlessness as Kyungsoo rubs slow circles with his thumb, and doesn’t stop until Jongin can’t remember why he had been so agitated.

Chanyeol pays extra attention to them, but even he doesn’t stare too much this time, aware that he’s intruding on something extremely private.

They split the remaining drinks among them and twilight has long descended upon them by the time the downpour lightens into a drizzle. It’s difficult to imagine they had been playing ultimate and the sand dry not so long ago as they make their way back, Jongin dragging his feet along. Everyone agrees on ending the day here and even Jongin has to acknowledge he had fun before the rain dampened any further prospect of it.

Carpooling arrangements are different this time. Jieun walks over to Minseok’s car instead, resolutely refusing to be in the same vehicle as Jongin again, and Jongin tries not to mind so much that they can’t be friends anymore when just this morning he thought things could work out in a platonic manner between them. After they say their goodbyes, Jongin reverses out of the carpark with Kyungsoo in the passenger seat and Chanyeol and Jongdae in the backseat.

He definitely doesn’t still harbour any feelings for her, but there’s no denying how much it’s bothering him anyway.

The journey back is silent, the exhaustion drawing everyone into subduedness. He drops Jongdae off first, then Chanyeol, and saves Kyungsoo, the best, for the last.

Silence continues to surround them even after they’re finally alone, but it’s a shared one and the radio does its part at filling it up with pop music. When they reach Kyungsoo’s house, neither moves. The silence is not the only mutual thing— the desire to stay with each other for a little longer is too.

Kyungsoo lingers and Jongin simply basks in his presence. Just having this person by his side makes him feel better about everything.

“Do you want to stay over tonight?”

“Sorry?”

The darkness masks Kyungsoo’s expression from him. “Do you want to stay over tonight?” he repeats reluctantly, dragging out each word this time.

The same darkness hardly does anything to conceal the broad smile on Jongin’s face, one that falters slightly when he realizes his answer is not something of his will.

“I can’t, not tonight, my mom wants me home tonight.”

It’s the first time Kyungsoo has ever asked him to stay. It makes him want to slam his face into the steering wheel out of joy and regret at the same time.

“Oh.” Kyungsoo has always been pretty good at hiding his emotions, but the disappointment is thick in that single syllable and Jongin’s heart clenches as he contemplates defying his mother tonight. At most he’ll just get kicked out of the house— no biggie, right? “It’s fine then. Go home and rest well. Don’t overthink.”

He decides against it eventually. Kyungsoo would never allow him to do that anyway. He grabs Kyungsoo’s hand and holds it tight between his own, raising it to his lips as he lets his eyelids fall shut. His words went straight to his heart. Everything Kyungsoo does and says go straight to the core of his existence.

“Do you want to know what Jieun talked to me about?”

Maybe having their fingers intertwined gave Kyungsoo a much needed sense of security. It seemed to be all he needed.

“If it’s not going to change anything between us, then it doesn’t matter.”

“I don’t think anyone is capable of changing what I feel for you right now. You mean so much to me.”

Kyungsoo doesn’t say anything. He’s not good with expressing his feelings, he doesn’t know how to get them across. But Jongin gets it. They never needed words to communicate. He thinks it’s because they’re from the same star, destined for each other before the beginning of time.

“See you soon,” Kyungsoo tells him instead, and Jongin uses the grip he has around him to pull him in and kiss his lips before letting go. He definitely wasn’t expecting Kyungsoo to lean in again, for one more kiss, always one more, but it makes his heart bloom. They kiss a little more and Jongin’s just getting into it when the vibration from his phone interrupts them.

It’s from his mom. He rejects her call and sends her a text instead to let her know that he’ll be back real soon, not wanting anyone to penetrate their little bubble in any form.

“You should go.”

“Okay, sleep early tonight. I’ll see you soon.”

“Alright.”

Kyungsoo makes it out of the car and is just about to shut the door when Jongin calls his name urgently. He leans down, staring at him. Jongin hardly knows what to do with his feelings now. Everything else has been washed away by love.

“I love you.” Love. It’s not too strong a word anymore. If anything, he thinks his feelings for Kyungsoo go beyond that. He doesn’t know how well Kyungsoo will take his first outright declaration, and his response is one that leaves him feeling just a little disappointed even though he had already expected it. But he knows he just needs to give Kyungsoo a little more time.

“I got it,” says Kyungsoo, and shuts the door.

As always, Jongin doesn’t leave until the light in Kyungsoo’s bedroom comes on.

-

He meets Kyungsoo at the side gate instead of the club room tonight, spirits high from the therapeutic swimming session alone in the pool. The towel is still hanging around his neck and his muscles still a little tensed but Jongin hasn’t feel so relaxed since the day they went to the beach.

With a fancy little car like Jongin’s, there’s absolutely no need to walk home from school. The only time Jongin had taken this path out was when he had to send his car to the repair shop after running into a slight problem with the engine, also the day he first met Kyungsoo. Today, however, not driving to school was a conscious decision Jongin made so he can do what he’s doing now— walking home with Kyungsoo. Or rather, walking to Kyungsoo’s home to make up for not being able to stay over the other night. And simply because he wants to spend more time with Kyungsoo. It’s never enough.

Night has fallen around them but the flavescent streetlights prove sufficient in lighting their path ahead and Jongin glances quickly around him before reaching out for Kyungsoo’s hand, his smile enlivening their surroundings even more when Kyungsoo’s fingers curl against his willingly.

There’s no doubt about it. This is what they call first love. Except Jongin is resolute that Kyungsoo is going to take on the role of his last love as well.

He never thought he could feel this blissful, this happy just walking home with someone when the world is quiet and the moonlight soft around them.

Their footsteps are aligned and Jongin allows Kyungsoo to guide him down the unfamiliar stretch of walkway.

There is a question he wants to ask although he already knows the answer. Just for confirmation sake. Jongin refuses to take any chances when it comes to Kyungsoo.

“Are you mad that I was sad over her?”

Kyungsoo doesn’t need to ask him who he’s talking about.

“You dated her for two years,” he responds in a voice that’s even softer than the moonlight. “I think I would be more upset if you didn’t feel anything about hurting her.”

Jongin lets that sink in. It’s the answer he was expecting, but it still makes his heart feel fuzzy hearing it straight from Kyungsoo.

They wait for the traffic light to turn green before crossing the seemingly deserted road with their fingers still tangled, and Jongin finally understands why Kyungsoo likes walking home when they arrive before an alley that’s secluded from the world by a bricked wall.

Kyungsoo’s fingers slip away and Jongin’s frowns. A small shadow leaps off the bricked wall gracefully, startling him, and it turns out to be a cat when it steps into the radius of light. Only its emerald eyes are visible with its jet black fur, but they’re bright enough to make up for the rest of its body that remains shrouded in darkness. Jongin’s confusion eases into understanding when Kyungsoo squats before the black cat with a tin of catfood in his hands.

The cat regards Jongin warily. Jongin tries to remain as still as possible, breathing slowly, not wanting to scare it away. Kyungsoo has just managed to open up the tin when the cat loses interest in Jongin and purrs softly at Kyungsoo before lowering its face into the tin.

“Do you do this everyday?” Jongin asks in a low voice, afraid of startling the cat.

Kyungsoo doesn’t seem to have the same reservations. He looks up at Jongin from where he is, his eyes as bright as the cat’s with an amused smile playing on his lips. “I used to, but not so much lately since you’ve been driving me home.” Then he sighs. “I feel guilty about it, actually. Maybe I should—”

“We’ll come and feed the cat together every day from now on.” Jongin interrupts him before he can finish his sentence.

The cat pushes the tin forward slightly, the aluminium scraping sharply against the cement. Almost like acknowledging Jongin’s decision. Jongin grins down at Kyungsoo, who raises his eyebrows in return.

No longer afraid that his movements would scare the cat, Jongin squats down beside Kyungsoo. He fixates his gaze on Kyungsoo who was watching the cat, who turns to meet his eyes the moment Jongin grabs his fingers loosely.

“You’re such a good person, Kyungsoo.”

At that, Kyungsoo drops his gaze. “It’s nothing,” he says, his attention back on the oblivious cat.

A sudden thought occurs to Jongin. Heroes exist in many forms. Some wear capes and save the world from villains, some wear lab coats and race against time in hospitals, and some are not so overtly distinguishable. Like Kyungsoo. To others, he’s probably just an ordinary boy. But to Jongin, this kind hearted boy who feeds stray cats and enjoys photography and manga in his free time is anything but ordinary. He’s Jongin’s hero. He’s the hero who has saved Jongin from drowning under pressure again and again, the hero who makes Jongin want to be the best version of himself.

The words flow out before he can put them through a filter. “I want to protect you.”

Kyungsoo looks at him again, his eyes brimming with something unrecognizable. “I don’t need you to protect me,” he says, his tone flat and cold.

“I know,” Jongin says quickly, not wanting Kyungsoo to misunderstand.

They usually understand each other fairly well without having to resort to verbal communication, but it’s impossible for two people to be completely aware of each other’s thoughts at all times. This is one of those times. Jongin knows Kyungsoo has taken his declaration the wrong way and it must be a blow to his pride. But it’s not what Jongin meant at all. Just because he’s in love with Kyungsoo doesn’t mean he treats him as the girl in this relationship. He has never thought of Kyungsoo like that, never thought of him as Jieun’s replacement. She could never match up— not a single girl in this universe could, or any other person for that matter. Jongin sees him for the man he is, and he would never make Kyungsoo feel that his masculinity has been compromised. He would treat him like a man through and through, respect him as a man, but that doesn’t mean he can’t love and protect him the way he would a girl— the way he would a lover— things like that should not be constrained to a specific gender. Love is universal. Love is for all. And love will always perpetuate the same desire and longing.

Just because they’re together doesn’t mean either one has to fall into the role of the female. There shouldn’t be any traditional roles they have to fulfil in the first place.

He takes some time to string together his thoughts, not wanting to aggravate the misunderstanding. “I know you don’t need me to protect you, you’re strong enough to do that for yourself, but I want you to want me to protect you. I want you to want me to be here. I want you to want me.”

Kyungsoo does not say anything. Jongin rests the side of his face on a curled fist, watching Kyungsoo. When it becomes evident that Kyungsoo is considering taking an oath of silence, he nudges him with his knee.

“So what’d you say?”

“I thought letting you come home with me and doing the things we do was enough indication I did. I do.”

That answer sends a surge of energy through his body. Kyungsoo still refuses to meet his gaze, though his flushed cheeks betray his emotions. Jongin has never felt this amount of gratification. It could fill up the entire alley, the entire street, the entire world. Only Kyungsoo has the ability to make him feel this way.

He rarely gets to see Kyungsoo embarrassed and it’d be too much of a pity to waste this precious opportunity, so he nudges his knee again. “You do what?”

In all honesty, Jongin was expecting Kyungsoo to ignore him or try to divert the topic, but after a small pause, their eyes meet.

Despite the faint pinkness tinged across his cheeks, his gaze is unyielding and his voice steady when he mutters “I want you, too.”

Jongin becomes paralysed upon hearing that. He wants to grab Kyungsoo’s shoulders and kiss him fiercely to show him how much he appreciates hearing that but his body is not under his control now. His verbal function returns first.

“I needed to hear you say that,” he muses aloud, “just to confirm I wasn’t dreaming about everything that transpired between us. You do that to me, Kyungsoo. I’m not going to deny the influence you have over people— you’re the sort who makes people want to get to know you for no rhyme or reason. But now that I’ve heard you loud and clear, I won’t get jealous so much anymore. Because at the end of the day, it’s me that you’d choose, right?

Despite having all of his words packaged and delivered as questions to Kyungsoo, they’re really meant for himself to address his own feelings instead. Kyungsoo seems to understand that as he nods.

“Right.”

They remain squatting side by side in the dim alley until the stars emerge in the night sky and the cat long gone, having melted back into the shadows after licking Kyungsoo’s hand as a display of its appreciation. This is where their hearts collide and become one.


	8. Chapter 8

The lights come on, deluging Jongin’s safe place in an ethereal shower of jaded yellow, enhanced by the moonlight streaming in softly through the windows, seemingly trying to check the worthiness of these intruders. It needn’t have worried. Jongin strips with practiced ease as he walks in, all the while trying to hold onto Kyungsoo’s hand.

He’s down to his swimwear by the time he arrives right before the glistening pool.

“Come on,” he says, grinning back at Kyungsoo who looks a little more uncertain.

“Uh. You remember that I can’t swim, right?”

At this point, Jongin removes his grip on Kyungsoo and bends down, dipping a finger into the cool water.

“You don’t have to worry about drowning when you’re with me,” he promises, the ripple he has created spreading out, out, out, a growing sphere. Kyungsoo has nothing to worry about as long as he’s with Jongin who will do anything to protect him from however the world can hurt him.

Kyungsoo is convinced. “Alright,” he mutters, undoing the buttons of his shirt slowly with deft fingers.

Were they in a different situation, there’s no doubt about Jongin getting turned on while watching the little private show Kyungsoo is putting on for him. But he’s in the pool, the place he comes to whenever he needs a little getaway from the world, and the tranquility, the moonlight, the knowledge that nobody can disturb them right now, only makes Kyungsoo look absolutely otherworldly. Like he walked right out of his imagination. He can’t lay his hands on someone so magical. Jongin enters the pool instead, giving his body some time to adjust to the low temperature of the water.

Kyungsoo lets his pants fall to a pool around his feet, already in the spare pair of swim trunks Jongin had lent him, and regards the water warily.

“It looks really cold,” he tells Jongin, who only laughs and spreads his arms.

“It looks colder standing there, so come on here.”

Kyungsoo bends down and dips his finger into the water as well, and before he can open his mouth to say he has changed his mind about this, Jongin pulls him into the pool. He lands with a loud splash and Jongin’s laughter resonates in the space around them, his arms cinched tight around Kyungsoo.

“There, I got you. I promise you have absolutely nothing to worry about.”

The pool, at 1.80m, is too deep for Kyungsoo’s liking. Despite Jongin’s words, fear has him in a chokehold as his legs kick at scary fluidity, aware he’ll go down under if he gets tired and stops trying to keep himself afloat. Through it all, Jongin just keeps his grip on Kyungsoo steady, pressing his lips against his ear to whisper continued reassurances for him to relax, there’s no way anything is going to happen to him in his presence. He’s pretty amused if he has to be honest, and would like to see Kyungsoo enter the 2.0m pool they use in tournaments.

Kyungsoo calms down when his body adjusts to the temperature. The water doesn’t feel as cold and uninviting as previously anymore, and anchored by Jongin, he finally allows himself to believe that there’s really nothing to worry about.

“It’s not so bad, is it?” Jongin asks.

Kyungsoo has his back against the side wall of the pool, the solidness a welcoming contrast to the fluidity of the water, and Jongin’s chest is pressed against his. His own heartbeat slows to normalcy, lulled by Jongin’s.

“It’s still scary,” Kyungsoo admits.

“I really wanted to share a piece of my world with you,” says Jongin with a smile so gentle it makes Kyungsoo forget where they are momentarily. “This is where I’ve always felt safe in before I met you.”

Kyungsoo looks at him. Their faces are so close, they can feel the warmth of each other’s breath. Knowing there’s no way he can accurately string together words to let Jongin know how much he appreciates this gesture, that some meanings are lost forever the moment they’re put into words, he leans in and kisses the tip of Jongin’s nose. All of his stoicism has been lost to love. Jongin’s life wasn’t the only one that underwent a complete transformation the day they first met right here.

“We’re going to do something more high-level, okay?” Despite the firmness in Jongin’s tone, he watches Kyungsoo carefully for what he thinks. Even a slight bit of reluctance wouldn’t go undetected and he would give up his conquest entirely should Kyungsoo feel uncomfortable with what he’s about to suggest. “We’re going under.”

A trace of uncertainty flickers in Kyungsoo’s gaze, but he doesn’t seem perverse to that idea.

“Just a while, okay? I’m not very good at holding my breath.”

What his baby wants, his baby gets. Jongin grins. “You got it.”

He loosens his grip just slightly, still holding on tight enough to provide Kyungsoo with a sense of security, but looser so Kyungsoo can break away and surface whenever he wants. “Stop kicking,” he instructs, and together, they sink gradually.

Jongin opens his eyes slightly when his soles come into contact with the bottom of the pool, and sees Kyungsoo’s face all scrunched up, his eyes clenched shut. He releases some air bubbles, trying not to laugh at how cute he looks. There is nothing else that can possibly make Jongin feel the way he does now, so perfectly at peace. He’s right where he’s supposed to be. They’re right where they’re meant to be. The warmth that spreads across his chest goes all the way down to the tip of his toes.

Another few seconds pass before Kyungsoo attempts to open his eyes as well. The endeavour proves rather arduous, but when he succeeds, it makes up for all of his anxiety. Jongin’s world really is beautiful, so quiet and disconnected. It’s just the two of them down here in a world without any traces of irrelevance, a world that is every bit healing to Kyungsoo as it is to Jongin. Jongin gets them up to the surface when Kyungsoo starts releasing a large amount of air bubbles, propelling them upwards with strong kicks and bringing Kyungsoo along, who gasps for air the moment their heads are out of the water.

“It’s amazing,” says Kyungsoo while sweeping his damp fringe back, and it’s what Jongin feels about his smile right now.

A confession rises from the depths of his heart, surfacing through his lips. “You know, I was so drawn to you because you make me feel the way I do when I’m in the water.”

Kyungsoo arches his eyebrows.

“Yeah, really,” Jongin insists. “Your voice especially.”

“Yeah?” Kyungsoo says, a hint of laughter in that single syllable, and Jongin supplements that with his own.

“Yeah!” he asserts, laughing.

Next, he teaches Kyungsoo how to float on his back, and Kyungsoo, now visibly more at ease in the water, learns how to easily. He keeps his limbs relaxed and spread out, a look of contentment on his face, and Jongin knows he has managed to share a slice of his world with Kyungsoo. He stays by his side for a minute more to make sure he really knows how to remain afloat, then swims to the adjacent lane and does the same thing. A distant future appears behind his closed eyelids.

“Do you think I should keep on swimming competitively?” he hears himself ask in a small voice, finally addressing something he should have a long time ago.

“You’re thinking about your sports scholarship offers, aren’t you?”

Jongin hums in acknowledgement. For some reason, he’s just a little nervous about what Kyungsoo would say. The person he listens most to in this world is Kyungsoo.

“I think that we’re all born with something we’re good at, different things, and you shouldn’t waste what has been granted to you. You shouldn’t waste it, you should make use of it, cultivate it.”

What an exquisite feeling it is to be floating so smoothly on the surface of the pool and listening to Kyungsoo’s husky voice at the same time.

“But I don’t know. I told you before, didn’t I? My body just doesn’t seem to function when I try to put them together. I really hit a block before tournaments this year, and you were the one who got me over it. I don’t think I could have won anything without you.” Jongin takes a breath and goes on. “I don’t know, I really don’t know if that world is right for me. I just want to swim. I don’t want to have to think about timings and gold medals and winning all the time.”

He really wants to look at Kyungsoo now but keeps his gaze on the ceiling, wondering if they’re nearing the end of the lane now.

“Just because you’re going to be thrown into a world of competition, of medals and timings, and have people judge your worth by how many matches you’ve won, doesn’t mean you have to let go of what’s important to you.”

Jongin doesn’t think he has ever felt so tender, so raw, and Kyungsoo knows exactly what to say as his voice seeps in.

“You can keep what makes swimming so special close to your heart. You don’t have to give up anything just because you have to care about timings and medals. They can co-exist, and Jongin,” at this, Jongin turns so he can look upon Kyungsoo’s ridiculously handsome face. “Your love for swimming is what’s gonna set you apart from the rest of the world.”

For a certainty, his words bring a great degree of comfort to Jongin, but it’s not quite enough to disperse all of his doubts yet. “It’s strange that I haven’t figured out if competitive swimming is it for me. I thought I’d find the answer by throwing myself into this world but I’m still as lost as ever,” he admits in a low voice.

“Hey,” Kyungsoo calls out to him gently. “You can’t keep waiting for the answer to come to you, but the fact that you’ve managed to keep this up for so long says something, doesn’t it?”

At that, the final missing piece falls into place. He smiles wordlessly, wondering how to keep all of his love at bay. Right now, he’s together with Kyungsoo, but alone too. He is who he is; he is his own person before anything else. A great swimmer. The things that his individuality is comprised of are unique to him, yet now they are together so much they are almost one. Kyungsoo has helped him destroy all of the bondages holding him back. There is too much to thank him for.

Kyungsoo takes care of him so well, in his own quiet way.

Jongin swims back to Kyungsoo’s lane. He picks him up and they get out of the pool together, shivering from the change in temperature again as they do. They brisk-walk back to where Jongin left his backpack, Jongin reaching for the towel the moment they get there. He drapes it around Kyungsoo, wiping his hair dry, looking adoringly at his face. When Kyungsoo’s hair is no longer dripping wet and he’s warm in the nuzzle of a fluffy towel, Jongin does the same for himself.

Then nothing can possibly stop him when he drags Kyungsoo into the locker room and slams him against the wall, feeling guilty when he hears the sound the collision between the wall and the back of his head, but it passes when their lips come together and there’s really nothing else Jongin can think of. His arms slide around Kyungsoo’s waist, drawing him in, and feels Kyungsoo’s fingers thread through his hair.

The way Kyungsoo’s tongue feels against his own is enough to drive him to insanity and Jongin is definitely not his rational self— he’s rarely his rational self when Kyungsoo is in the picture, when he lets his hands snake further down until he can cup Kyungsoo’s ass. Kyungsoo’s hips buckle up in response and their crotches come together, already hard.

He pulls back so he can pay attention to the rest of Kyungsoo’s body as well, his lips latching onto Kyungsoo’s neck, his teeth scraping a little roughly against the soft skin and it makes Kyungsoo moan. His fingers tighten around Kyungsoo’s butt, earning a small gasp, and Jongin’s just about to drop to his knees when he hears a small cough that definitely didn’t come from either of them.

Chanyeol is standing by the door, his tall stature almost a silhouette under the dim lighting. His eyes are wide open and Jongin is at a loss for words. Kyungsoo’s fingers fall away from his hair and Jongin shifts the towel down to hide his slowly dying boner. He looks into Kyungsoo's eyes for reassurance, the sight of those soulful eyes calming him down. When he’s ready to face Chanyeol, he turns around in a manner that allows him to shield Kyungsoo from view with his bigger stature.

“Sorry I interrupted you guys,” Chanyeol mumbles in a surprisingly steady voice, nothing to indicate any negative feelings. Jongin stares at him.

“Um.”

“Jongin, can we talk outside?”

Chanyeol leaves right afterwards, leaving no space for Jongin to refuse. Jongin sweeps his hair back, inhales courage, and follows Chanyeol out of the room. He finds himself unable to meet Chanyeol’s gaze when he stops before him, hands behind his back and palms stacked together. His state of half-nakedness suddenly makes him feel very vulnerable.

“You can’t keep lying to me.”

For a terrible moment, Jongin thought Chanyeol was angry. But he sees only bemusement in Chanyeol’s eyes when he glances up in fear and is instantly comforted by the obvious absence of anger.

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you earlier.”

“Yeah, I gotta admit I’m disappointed you didn’t tell me ‘bout it. I was waiting for you to tell me voluntarily, you know. I figured out there’s something going on between the two of you a long time ago. I just kept waiting for you to tell me.”

Chanyeol’s words only worsen his feelings of guilt. Jongin swallows dryly, truly apologetic.

“I’m really sorry.”

“I’m not mad at you.” The weight of Chanyeol’s hand on his shoulder brings him repose at this moment and Jongin can finally lift his head to make eye-contact with his friend. “We’re best friends, you should know me better than this.”

“How did you figure it out?”

Chanyeol chuckles. The sound of his laughter eases the tension between Jongin’s shoulder blades. “You wouldn’t even have to ask me that if you could see the way you look at him. I swear, Jongin, you look at him like he’s the only thing you can see in the whole wide world.”

Jongin contemplates telling Chanyeol he’s not wrong, then decides against it. His sappy side is reserved for Kyungsoo only.

“I’m not the only one who knows something’s going on. Baekhyun knows too.”

“Yeah?”

“There’s no need to hide your relationship with him. We all got your back, promise.”

Jongin’s brows pull into a tight knot. He doesn’t like the sound of that.

“We’re not exactly hiding anything. It’s just, I guess I don’t really see the need to explicitly flaunt our relationship? And he’s a very private person. I think he needs time to get used to this. I need time to get used to this. But we’re not, we’re, definitely not ashamed of what we have between us, you get me? And it hasn’t been long since I broke up with Jieun, I don’t want her to find out about this yet. I don’t want to hurt her feelings anymore.”

The fingers around his shoulder exerts slight pressure and loosens the knot between his brows.

“I get it.”

Jongin doesn’t think he has ever heard anything more reassuring from Chanyeol. He smiles.

“Thanks, buddy. I mean it.”

“He’s good for you.”

Jongin’s smile grows wider. “Is that something you deduced from the look in my eyes too?”

It’s a joke, but Chanyeol doesn’t seem to have gotten that memo. His face is a picture of grave seriousness.

“I could tell that your heart wasn’t really in it or with it when you were with Jieun. You were just… going along with her because we made you. But you’re not the same with Kyungsoo. I’ve never seen you so happy. He’s really good for you.”

This time, Jongin lets his instincts take over and pulls Chanyeol into a loose one-armed hug, not knowing what else he can say to express his gratitude besides “thank you”. He whispers that into Chanyeol’s ear, and when he lets him go, their friendship feels stronger than ever. This is a friend he will treasure until the end of time.

“I came to get my goggles,” Chanyeol reveals before things start to feel awkward with them just grinning at each other like that. “It’s in the locker room. Do you want to get it for me? Since Kyungsoo’s in there, and uh, I might make him feel awkward.”

Jongin concedes without hesitation. “Sure thing,” he says, and makes his way back to where Kyungsoo is waiting with a lighter heart.

He finds Kyungsoo already dressed and seated on the bench in a stiff manner, fingers fiddling with the hem of his T-shirt, probably nervous. But he visibly relaxes when he sees Jongin coming back into the room with a smile, his shoulders dropping into a slump with the tension breaking free. Chanyeol’s goggles are on the bench at the other side of the room and Jongin grabs it, and returns it to its owner just as swiftly so he can rejoin Kyungsoo sooner. He gets a pat on the head from Chanyeol before he leaves and they’re alone again.

Kyungsoo steps out of the locker room right as the exit door closes with a thud, face blank.

“All good?” he asks when Jongin comes close.

“Perfect,” says Jongin, extending his arm to pull Kyungsoo in and bridge the remaining distance between them. He splays his fingers against Kyungsoo’s cheek and Kyungsoo leans into his touch, his own hand coming up to cover Jongin’s. “I love you.”

This time Kyungsoo doesn’t leave him hanging. “Me too,” he whispers.

Not exactly what Jongin wants to hear yet, but they’re getting closer. This will suffice for tonight.

“Alright,” says Jongin with a tender smile.

Their lips meet halfway when they lean in at the same time, sealed in a kiss that steals all of their breath away like they’re underwater again. It’s comfortable just kissing like that, their tongues wrestling playfully. Kyungsoo nips his bottom lip a few times and Jongin lets his hands trail down his back before sinking to his knees, picking up where they left off.

-

Jongin is a little lazy today so he leaves the pool with his towel hanging around his neck, the material soaking up the dampness of his hair. It’s later than usual but he knows Kyungsoo is still waiting for him, and that thought makes him quicken his pace. His footsteps echo in the silence, sneakers scuffing against the floor. The routined creak of the door as it swings open gets Kyungsoo’s attention, whose eyes meet Jongin’s the moment he’s in view.

“Hey,” Jongin says with a smile. “Are we staying late tonight?”

This time, Kyungsoo gets up to greet him. He hops off the stool and approaches Jongin readily, his hands coming up to grab the ends of his towel when he gets near enough. It surprises Jongin who thinks Kyungsoo is going to kiss him, something he’s definitely not perverse to even though it would be out of demeanour for Kyungsoo to do so, but Kyungsoo starts drying his hair for him instead.

A sense of deja vu infiltrates the air around them as the sound of the rain comes rushing back, the memory of him doing this for Kyungsoo in his car playing right before him, blinding him from the real world temporarily. When he returns to his senses, Kyungsoo is still drying his hair, a small frown on his face.

“Better,” Kyungsoo finally says after a while of babying Jongin, dropping his fistfuls of towel.

Jongin smiles playfully. “I would do this everyday if it means getting this kind of treatment from you.”

“I’ll let you catch a cold the next time,” Kyungsoo promises him. “Don’t push it.” Yet, even as he says that, his eyes twinkle with laughter.

Jongin gasps dramatically. “You wouldn’t!”

I would.” Kyungsoo turns his back to him, heading towards his stool. “Close the door.”

Only now does Jongin realize the door is still open. He kicks it shut and takes his own place opposite Kyungsoo, watching his nimble fingers move deftly as he gathers a pile of photographs and leaves them in a neat stack.

“What’s that?” Jongin asks, leaning over to see a photograph of a grey alleyway he doesn’t recognize lying on top.

“Nothing important.”

Another wave of deja vu hits him in the face this time. For a transient second it feels like they have traveled back in time, and they’re back at the beginning stages of the relationship, their acquaintanceship, with Kyungsoo being so vague in his responses.

Jongin is a little disappointed. “Okay,” he murmurs, dropping the topic.

He doesn’t drop his backpack since Kyungsoo seems to be packing up, which means they’ll be out of here soon, but when Kyungsoo remains exactly where he is after clearing the mess strewn across the table surface, Jongin lets it fall to the ground.

Kyungsoo swallows visibly, his hands folded before him. He only meets Jongin’s eyes after clearing his throat.

“I have something to show you.”

There is a weird feeling in Jongin’s stomach. Something seems off and he’s nervous. He tries to rein his imagination, not wanting it to wander somewhere undesirable.

“Okay.”

Then Kyungsoo hops off his stool again, startling Jongin who follows him with his gaze, watching him reach for the switch beside the floor and turn off the light with a delicate flick of his wrist. The room plunges into darkness but the moonlight streaming in from the open window makes it possible to still trace Kyungsoo’s silhouette and Jongin is beyond confused when Kyungsoo returns to his seat.

He’s just about to ask him what is going on when he sees Kyungsoo reach below for something, fumbling a little in the darkness. The something turns out to be a vintage projector when a fat beam of light shoots out of it, and the portable project screen standing against the wall flickers into life.

“It’s my final project,” comes Kyungsoo’s voice, and Jongin has to tear his eyes away from the projected image of a seemingly random building to look at Kyungsoo whose face is no longer hidden in the shadows. “And I wanted to um, let you look at it too.”

Jongin nods first, until his vocal chords are no longer seized up. “Okay,” he agrees.

The slide show starts reeling out before his eyes, entirely under the control of Kyungsoo who narrates in a steady voice.

“They gave us the freedom to choose our own topic and I thought instead of people I would take photographs of places. I didn’t really have a specific theme in mind when I first started out, and just went to random places and captured whatever I thought was nice.”

An image of a bohemian cafe taken from the outside comes on, the black-and-white projection casting it in a historical light.

“This is from the town Seungsoo is studying in.”

There’s a click and the next image tears the bohemian cafe apart, replacing it with a wooden hut surrounded by trees so tall only their trunks are in the frame.

“This is from the woods near his dormitory. There didn’t seem to be anybody there at that time, but in retrospect, this wasn’t a very good idea. I could have gotten murdered or something.”

That makes Jongin chuckle, one side of his lip lifting significantly higher than the other. He can picture Kyungsoo amongst the greenery, in a dark-coloured hoodie and his favorite Nike sweatpants and a baseball cap, his camera pressed up against his face. “Cute,” he murmurs to himself at that thought, eyes transfixed on the screen before them.

“Then it started getting clear that I liked quiet places. I wanted to take photos of places without anyone around.”

The image switches and Jongin’s breath gets caught, suddenly staring at the pool he has spent so much time in.

“This—”

“The day we met, yeah.” Kyungsoo cuts him off, addressing his question. “You were standing right behind me when I took this photograph.”

Then the pool disappears and another familiar location comes on. It’s the bridge they had ran into each other on while he was waiting for Jieun to show up, a photograph Kyungsoo had taken after Jongin asked him. It’s not empty, there are people in the background and Jongin shoots him a curious look.

Kyungsoo catches it. “It felt like we were alone,” he says, and moves on before Jongin can think of what to say.

It feels a little strange watching the slideshow afterwards, knowing that they’ve all been taken after they became acquainted. There are photographs of alleyways and empty streets, probably taken late at night, and there’s an indescribable feeling in Jongin’s chest when he thinks about Kyungsoo wandering from place to place alone, probably on weekends they spent apart since it didn’t take very long for Jongin to start showing up shamelessly at the club room every night. They watch the images reel out before them, some places familiar to Jongin who has been to the same skatepark, seen the same skyscraper only not when the night was deep like in the photograph, eaten his favorite fish and chips from the restaurant that has been vacated in the image after the owner passed away from old age.

All these places experienced so differently by the both of them. Jongin doesn’t realize that his fists are clenched and placed atop his thighs until Kyungsoo’s voice draws him back.

“About this point of time I realized I like quiet places so much because they make me feel safe. I don’t know how to explain it, I just feel comfortable when there is barely anyone around— when I know there’s nobody looking at me, and when I don’t have to be thinking about what to do all the time.”

That’s something Jongin can relate to. He smiles, his fists loosening.

“And…”

The final image comes on— Jongin can tell because it’s vastly different from the previous images. He stares at his own face that has been projected onto the screen, the vivid colours he remembers from the day on the bridge reflected through his smile. A volta. It’s the photograph he had once planned to ask Kyungsoo about, but had forgotten all about as time passed. He doesn’t know what to say. Nothing comes out when his jaw falls open slackly, and he turns to stare at Kyungsoo dumbly.

Kyungsoo doesn’t look away from the screen. “You’re my safe place too.”

Jongin doesn’t know enough to comment on the quality of these photographs, but what he can talk about instead is what has been evoked from the depths of his heart.

“Kyungsoo…” These two syllables are the only words he can hope to describe his feelings with, and he leans forward to grab Kyungsoo’s hands so he can convey the rest of it through how tightly his fingers close around Kyungsoo’s.

“You know I’m not very good with words,” Kyungsoo tells him as he grips his fingers back. “I don’t really know how to talk about my feelings in a way that will assure you, so this will have to do.”

Jongin raises their hands with their fingers still interlaced to his face, kissing the back of Kyungsoo’s hand once before pressing his face into the warmth.

“I get you perfectly,” he lets the photographer know.

They stay like that for a long, long, long time, the only sources of light being the moonlight and the vintage projector which must have been what Kyungsoo had been looking for the day he got caught in the heavy downpour.

It’s crazy just thinking how many years of his life he spent without Do Kyungsoo. Now he can’t even imagine a single second without him.

-

Everyone has a few vivid memories that have been burned into their minds for different reasons, some happy, some painful. These memories come readily to mind, sometimes from will, sometimes from random reminders.

For Jongin, there are three of them. The first one is of himself at a tender age, not quite sure how old exactly, unwittingly kicking his mother in the face when she tried to wake him up in bed. He still remembers the guilt that twisted his guts painfully at the sight of the reddish bruise on her face that turned a sickly shade of purple the next day. The second one is of his first experience in the water. He must have been at least 4 years old when he waddled into a shallow stream in Japan under his father’s watchful eyes. However young his mind had been, it was then he realized he had a special affinity with the water. It calmed him down. He splashed around quietly on his own the entire time there while looking up at the clear blue sky, and cried so hard when he had to return to the resort with his parents that they had to resort to buying him ice cream to soothe his wailing. Jongin had been inseparable from the water since then. The third is one that’s relatively recent. He remembers the effulgent flames dancing wildly against the canvas of the night sky and the stars that had been trapped in Kyungsoo’s eyes on the night Kyungsoo accepted his feelings. They had kissed, they had fallen into each other’s arms, they had ridden on the same chariot to heaven.

The brilliance of the sparklers are trapped Kyungsoo’s eyes when he looks, like the stars had been that night, and knows his own eyes are probably just as bright when Kyungsoo holds his gaze, starry-eyed.

“It’s nice, huh?”

He hopes Kyungsoo can hear the wistfulness in his voice and know that at this moment, there’s nothing Jongin wants to do more than to lean over and kiss him with the stars falling all around them. And he might have, he would have, were his friends not just a few feet away and brandishing their sparklers at each other, threatening to set each other’s hair on fire (or something like that, probably courtesy of Minseok).

“Really nice.”

Kyungsoo scoots closer in a stealthy manner and doesn’t stop until the small gap between them has been done away with and their arms pressed together, warmth against warmth. He thinks about what Chanyeol had told him the night he walked into them making out at the locker-room and slips his arm around Kyungsoo’s slender waist with a smile. Maybe it is time to let all of their friends know about their relationship so he can kiss Kyungsoo whenever he wants to, doesn’t have to deprive him of any love he so entirely deserves.

It seems Kyungsoo shares his sentiments. He leans into Jongin, his head settling against the slope of his shoulder. Jongin lets his head fall against Kyungsoo’s.

“There’s something I need to tell you.”

They keep their eyes trained on their friends and the sparklers in their hands as they talk, unable to look away from something so golden and radiant.

“Yeah?”

“I’ve decided to take up the sports scholarship.”

Kyungsoo exhales.

“You have?”

“Yeah. I’ve had a couple of late nights now just thinking about this. But after what you told me the other night, I think this is the right decision. The fact that I’ve managed to keep this up for so long says something. I never want to stop swimming.”

“You’re ready for more competitive swimming?”

Kyungsoo is not doubting him. He’s just guiding Jongin along, taking care of him in the little ways he can.

Chanyeol’s sparkler burns out first and he grabs another one, catching a glimpse of the couple as he does. He pauses and winks at them, then goes back to minding his own business.

“I guess I’m going to have to keep on caring about timings and medals but I’m not going to lose sight of why I do. I love swimming, and that’s going to have to be enough, I know that’s going to be enough.”

Kyungsoo covers his hand with his own, his fingers gripping Jongin’s.

“So which college are you going to?”

“Bravoure college. You know I can’t bear the thought of being apart from you.”

“That’s in the next town, isn’t it?”

“Yeah. I can come back to see you every weekend.” He tightens his grip around Kyungsoo then, heart already aching at the thought of having to move away from the person he has never been able to leave alone. This decision means a lot to Jongin because it’s one he spent many sleepless nights mulling over, thinking about his future, thinking about Kyungsoo, thinking about what is it that he really wants. He’s not exactly all for the sports scholarship, but he also thinks he’ll regret it if he doesn’t give it a shot, and it’s not like he’s really at the liberty to choose when his current results aren’t good enough to land him anywhere promising.

Either way, he’ll be separated from Kyungsoo. Might as well chase his dreams.

“You shouldn’t be considering the distance, Jongin. You should be checking out how good their teams are, and join the best one, because you’re a world-class swimmer.”

“Hey,” he stops Kyungsoo right there with a squeeze of his hip. “Let’s compromise. It really doesn’t matter where I go as long as I continue to swim, and not be too far away from you. I’m sad, actually. I really don’t want to be away from you. It hasn’t been too long since I found you, and we’re already graduating.”

Minseok’s sparkler runs out next and he grabs two new sticks, a manic grin growing across his face as he ignites them using Jongdae’s sparkler and spontaneously decides to bite the hand of the owner that fed him, turning the tables around when Jongdae becomes his new victim. He chases him around the patio while shouting the same threats of setting his hair on fire.

The couple watch with amused smiles from where they are under the shelter of the pavilion, basking in the festive atmosphere without actually being a part of it.

“Distance doesn’t really matter as long as we’re truly in love. We’ll find a way somehow.”

Jongin’s blood freezes, his heart stops beating, and at the same time all the surrounding noises fade just so he can hear Kyungsoo more clearly. “Say that again.”

“Which part?”

The sparkle in Kyungsoo’s eyes informs him that he’s being teased yet again when Jongin straightens his back and angles his head to look properly at Kyungsoo.

“You know what I’m talking about.”

They’ve been doing things that couples do for a while now and Jongin has confessed his love on various occasions, to which Kyungsoo has merely acknowledged but never explicitly reciprocated with his own though he would think of different ways to show it, to say it. It’s not a direct confession, but hearing the word love from Kyungsoo, in such a steady voice, is a big change.

Kyungsoo would love to tease him a little more but even he finds it difficult to not be completely honest with his feelings when Jongin is looking so eagerly at him and he keeps getting reminded of the sparklers. It’s about time.

“I like you,” he says tentatively, voice wavering slightly.

Jongin smiles.

“I like you very much,” he continues, glad that his voice is steadier this time.

Jongin’s smile grows wider.

“I love you,” he says a third time, the same time the sizzling of the sparklers waft to their ears, carried by the breeze.

Jongin just keeps looking at him, his cheeks about to split from grinning so widely. He knows Kyungsoo doesn’t like repeating himself, but tonight, the night Jongin announced something that would undoubtedly put their relationship through a test, Kyungsoo confesses his love for him thrice.

And this moment becomes the fourth vivid memory, scorching Jongin’s mind as it immortalizes itself where things that matter go.

Passion takes over him and the yearning propels his face closer to Kyungsoo’s, eager to capture those beautiful and soft lips with his own. Kyungsoo doesn’t seem to mind, doesn’t pull away like how he had instinctively tried to hide their relationship when Baekhyun walked into them, and their lips have all but grazed when a deep voice shocks them out of a shared reverie.

Chanyeol is the only one looking over at them, the bag of sparklers in his hand.

“Hey, I didn’t mean to interrupt you two but we’re down to the last two sparklers!”

Jongin is in too good a mood to get annoyed about being cockblocked and he beckons Chanyeol over, not ready to leave the little nest they’ve built for themselves out of cypress wood and a lot of love. He waits patiently for Chanyeol to come to them, who looks a little hesitant, but comes over eventually with his own sparkler still burning.

“I can get yours going before mine burns out,” he offers helpfully, beaming down at them.

Jongin takes the last two sparklers from him and hands one over to Kyungsoo after releasing him reluctantly. He looks past Chanyeol. Minseok doesn’t seem to be interested in setting anyone’s hair on fire anymore and it looks pretty safe, so he touches the tip of his sparkler to Chanyeol’s and holds it there until it starts sizzling. Kyungsoo holds his own sparkler a safe distance away from his face and uses Jongin’s to ignite those glittery sparks, fascinated by the short-lived radiance.

The sparkler in Chanyeol’s hand burns out then, having fulfilled its cause. He makes his way back to where the rest of his friends are, creeping up to Sehun so he can steal his sparkler.

Jongin watches them, as does Kyungsoo, while their sparklers sizzle and spew out golden sparks. Not so long ago his life had been completely different— a pretty girlfriend, an extremely limited circle of friends, no substantial dream or goal, always running to the pool to get away from everything. He lets his old life burn away with the sparkler and finds Kyungsoo’s fingers waiting between them. Things could have turned out so differently, that thought alone scares him. He could still be stuck in the same old life had he not stayed back alone, had he not encountered the mysterious photographer he would grow so unbelievably fond of. But they didn’t. They could have gone their entire lives without ever crossing paths, he could have lived without knowing about Kyungsoo’s existence. As Kyungsoo’s fingers tighten around his, he realizes how lucky he is that they didn’t. They turned out the way they should have. The dopamine levels in his body are all silly when he rises to his feet, pulling Kyungsoo along.

They look into each other’s eyes and at the exact same moment, break into grins, and rush into the dark night with their sparklers illuminating the way before them. It’s wholly impossible to be completely fused into someone else’s world, but in that moment, they were one, so perfectly aligned.


	9. Chapter 9

Today, Jongin learns that the backs of his eyelids don’t make very good curtains when the sunlight filtrates through the thinness, engulfing them in a reddish-orange tint. Despite that, he keeps his eyes closed in hope of falling back asleep. It doesn’t matter that he’s walking. An annoying presence (read: Chanyeol) nudges his shoulders a couple of times but Jongin doesn’t even so much as respond, relying on pure luck to not trip over anything. This skill is one he has mastered over the years after being forced to get out of bed every morning for school.

“I’m serious, Jongin, you’re gonna regret it if you don’t open your eyes now.”

Unlike the previous times, Jongin’s eyelids slowly flutter open, his eyes squinted into slits as he tries to adjust to the sudden influx of light. The urgency in Chanyeol’s tone conjures thoughts of a particular person, and he’s right about that when his gaze lands on Kyungsoo who is just about to climb onto the bus with Baekhyun.

“Are we taking that bus too?” is his second sentence of the day, the first being a gruff “fuck you” to Chanyeol who greeted him in the morning with by kneeing him in the stomach (yeah, friendship).

“Nobody said we can’t,” Chanyeol simply says, and drags Jongin over to that bus, which isn’t too difficult to do because Jongin is very voluntarily moving towards the vehicle too. Kyungsoo has disappeared by the time they get to the steps, already in the bus, and Jongin climbs up speedily with a duffle bag in his grasp.

He spots Kyungsoo settled comfortably into the seat beside the window in the fifth row and marches right over, catching Baekhyun’s attention first. Jongin swings himself into the empty row behind them, leaning forward so he can talk to Baekhyun without attracting any more unnecessary attention.

“I have an idea,” he proposes to the brunet who, with his eyebrows raised knowingly, seems to already know what Jongin is about to suggest.

Chanyeol takes his time walking down the aisle while greeting the people he is acquainted with. The trio spares him a glance before getting back to business.

“I’m ready to hear it,” Baekhyun says.

“Let’s trade seats.”

“Why should I?”

Jongin’s lips part, ready with Chanyeol as an incentive, but when the friendly giant unintentionally hits Jongin’s face with his butt while squeezing his way through to the window seat, Jongin realizes it’s really more of a punishment.

“Um.”

Baekhyun is merciless. “Three seconds.”

“Wait—”

“Two.”

Jongin leans forward further, craning his neck to make eye-contact with Kyungsoo who only stares blankly back at him without offering to help. He’s on his own.

“One.” Baekhyun’s nasty smile makes Jongin realize he has no choice but to take a risk. Even if he loses this gamble, it would not be from not trying.

“Well,” he deadpans. “Chanyeol.”

A hand digs into his side and Jongin doesn’t even startle, all too used to it. Chanyeol then tries to lean over as well, the back of his head almost slamming into Jongin’s face this time as he endeavours to greet his friends with his trademark grin.

“Hey, Baek. Hey, Kyungsoo.”

Baekhyun raises his head to maintain eye-contact with Jongin. “Not a fair trade,” he says.

“True, but damn it.”

“Damn it,” Chanyeol echoes after Jongin, pulling back to wipe imaginary tears off his face.

The brunet sighs heavily and regards Kyungsoo. “What do you say? I’ll trade seats with him if you want me to.”

“We have a three-hour journey,” Kyungsoo reminds him pointedly as he, too, glimpses behind at Chanyeol whose imaginary crying has escalated into dramatic sniffling. “Are you sure?”

“You’re not being very considerate about my mental well-being.” Jongin interjects then, his voice laced with indignance, and knows the battle is won when Kyungsoo smiles at his words.

“Thanks, Baekhyun.” Kyungsoo says sincerely. Baekhyun only smiles helplessly as he reaches overhead for his bag and gets up to switch seats with Jongin. Chanyeol gets a kick as a farewell gift from his best friend.

Jongin swings his own duffle bag into the overhead compartment and slides into the seat that is still warm from Baekhyun’s presence. “Good morning,” he tells Kyungsoo, his first decent greeting since he got dragged out of bed. Their hands find each other effortlessly, very naturally, and Jongin closes his fingers around Kyungsoo’s. “You didn’t help me out just now,” he adds accusingly.

Kyungsoo merely laughs dismissively. “You didn’t seem like you needed my help.”

“Were you going to help me out if Baekhyun didn’t want to switch seats?”

Kyungsoo’s lips quirk into a mischievous smile. “Guess.”

Jongin squeezes his fingers tightly. “You’re so mean,” he mutters, earning another laugh from Kyungsoo and they fall into normal conversation afterwards, chatting about games and the island they’re headed to for this retreat camp (promised by the Student Council to be “sun and fun”).

Their bus is the last one to set off nearly twenty minutes later, the engine rumbling as it leaves the school buildings behind them. Jongin doesn’t need to look back to know what his friends are up to; he can hear all about Chanyeol’s first experience alone at the supermarket and Baekhyun’s halfhearted humming. Strangely, that makes him feel safe, makes them feel at ease, and Jongin is free to rest his head on Kyungsoo’s shoulder when everyone else is caught up in their own worlds.

“Sleepy?” Kyungsoo asks in a quiet voice, gazing down at Jongin who lets a big yawn answer his question.

“It’s illegal to be awake right now.”

Kyungsoo pats his cheek softly, the feeling of his fingertips lingering on the expanse of Jongin’s skin long after he retracts his hand. “Go to sleep.”

Jongin responds by pulling their linked arms to his chest and throws his free one around them, a substitute for the bolster he already misses terribly. “Night night, don’t let the bedbugs bite,” he mutters habitually, and succumbs to the sleepiness that has been gnawing at his bones. Kyungsoo’s warmth draws him into a lapse of peaceful sleep while the sky outside turns even bluer still.

When he rouses at a more appropriate timing to be alive, the entire bus has gone quiet. He blinks slowly, head still inclined on Kyungsoo’s shoulder, face twisting into a deep frown at the stiffness of his own neck. Eventually, he straightens up, and instead of the brilliant turquoise sky outside, he looks at Kyungsoo whose head is rested against the window, mind lost in dreamland.

Then Jongin tears his eyes away and looks around, discovering most people still in slumber, even Chanyeol who had claimed he was going to use the 3 hours journey productively on his brand new Nintendo DS. He spots Yixing in the seat diagonally behind him, headphones plugged in and eyes trained on the sight outside the window, watching the day go by. Jongin turns back to admire his scenery as well, gazing tenderly at Kyungsoo whose breath is coming in a slow and steady rhythm.

The fact that Kyungsoo is very attractive is not one that has ever eluded him, but now Jongin finds him even more so, unbelievably so, with the sunlight hitting his face in all the right angles, and his jet-black hair framing his handsome features so nicely. His lips draw into a smile when he looks down to see their fingers still intertwined, at the reminder that this person is his.

Jongin remains awake for the rest of the journey, simply admiring the view of both nature and Kyungsoo before him, the combination so incredibly pleasant to his eyes. They’re approximately five minutes away from their destination when Kyungsoo finally awakes, his eyes bleary and dazed, until Jongin kisses his cheek softly and it takes away the confusion.

They’re the first two to hop off the bus with their duffle bags in their hands, and they wait patiently for their groggy schoolmates to stream out in a neat file before proceeding to the ferry terminal as a group. Chanyeol is more toned down after his nap and remains so throughout their short ferry ride to the island. It later turns out to be because of motion sickness when he pukes onto the ground the moment his feet comes into contact with solid ground again.

The island is surrounded by the sea and Jongin feels the restorative power of the water straightaway, a tingling sensation growing rapidly across the surface of his body as he regards the glistening blueness with clear eyes. Kyungsoo grabs his wrist and shakes his head, pinning him down.

“Not now, Jongin.”

Thus, a disappointed Jongin gets ushered into yet another bus and their lodge pulls into view 15 minutes later, a three-storey wooden building with an impressive-looking slanted roof. Jongin grins, glad that it doesn’t look too shabby. If it looks this modern on the outside, it can’t be that bad inside.

A guy Jongin recognizes as the secretary of the student council comes around with a rectangular tin in his hands and has everyone draw a piece of coloured paper from it. This can only mean that they’re about to be sorted into groups and Jongin groans, having assumed this trip was going to be like a romantic honeymoon way too early.

Kyungsoo draws a pink slip whereas Jongin draws a blue one, and he swings his gaze around eagerly, looking around for someone he can swap teams with. Meanwhile, Chanyeol, who has recovered from his motion sickness, reverts right back to his usual self as he pokes Jongin’s back and informs him about being in the same team. Baekhyun draws a yellow one, something he doesn’t look too bothered about, and Jongin thinks he might have to surrender to his bad luck today when they’re led into the lodge before he can find someone to do an exchange with.

It turns out to be not so bad after all, because the blue and pink teams are considered ‘partner teams’ and will at the very least share the same sleeping quarters. Two neat rows of single beds greet him when he steps into the room and Jongin has to admit it’s definitely not that bad even though there’s no privacy at all. The people on the Blue team are instructed to take the left row, leaving the right row for the Pink team, so Kyungsoo leaves him then, following after his new teammates with light footsteps.

Jongin tosses his bag onto the fateful bed he has chosen and spreads his arms wide as he falls back onto the bed. Chanyeol takes the one next to him, settling down with a frown when his bed creaks under his weight. He bounces a little, and the bed creaks even more, and Jongin laughs. Then a familiar face catches his attention.

“Minseok!”

Minseok catches sight of him only then, breaking into a wide grin when he does. He approaches them with a humongous hiking backpack clinging on to him.

“Are you going to climb Mount Everest?”

Minseok ignores that question pointedly. “Blue team?”

Jongin and Chanyeol exchange looks before confirming his query and Minseok throws himself onto the bed beside Jongin’s.

“Awesome,” he mutters, his feelings obviously a contrast to Jongin’s who instantly feels like he has become an idiot sandwich of sorts being trapped between Minseok and Chanyeol.

For a change, Jongin looks around for Kyungsoo, and spots him sitting cross-legged on his bed that is near the end of the room. He is preoccupied in a conversation with someone Jongin identifies as Woobin (credit should be given to his idiot friend Minseok) and it would be a lie to say he feels completely neutral about seeing that, but he’s not given more time to mull over it when they’re called to gather outside.

It feels like they’re back to training with Chanyeol attached to his hip, playing the role of his Siamese twin once again. But Jongin’s not complaining. Anything that reminds him of swimming is welcome. He sits down with his knees hugged to his chest, watching the people around him curiously, unsure how to feel about not knowing such a huge portion of his schoolmates even after spending so many years in the same buildings. So it’s a pleasant escape from the overwhelming unfamiliarity when Sehun makes an appearance, winking (or maybe having an eye spasm) at Jongin in their brief moment of eye-contact. Jongin dimly notes that he’s in the Yellow team with Baekhyun and Yixing, so they probably won’t be crossing paths a lot.

Loud laughter breaks the reverie Jongin didn’t even know when he had slipped into, deep in thought about lunch and swimming. The council president, Jinyoung, had somehow made his way onto the elevated platform started some kind of game during his spiritual absence from earth, probably to lighten the atmosphere and get everyone into the mood. After a long moment of watching people flail around on stage and still failing to comprehend what’s going on, Jongin elbows Chanyeol lightly.

“What’s going on?”

Chanyeol’s neck is strained, his eyes fixated on the scene unfolding before them. “He’s just dragging people out to dance. Look, Baekhyun’s there.”

“Oh man.”

Simply put, it’s a game Jongin hopes he doesn’t ever have to participate in. He hates attention, and to eradicate any chance of getting dragged out, he avoids making eye-contact with the student representatives and instead looks around for Kyungsoo.

He spots Kyungsoo fairly quickly, a task that isn’t difficult to execute when they’re seated with their respective teams. And apparently, Jongin isn’t the only one who has spotted Kyungsoo, because he’s getting pulled out to the stage by Baekhyun who now has the right to drag other people into hell after having been through it himself. His eyes trail after Kyungsoo, taking in his narrow shoulders, heart clenching at how small he looks out there.

Kyungsoo doesn’t look too overjoyed to be there, a cute frown forming on his face, obviously unused to the attention. Chanyeol nudges him and he keeps his eyes locked on Kyungsoo who doesn’t seem to know what to do as he stands there awkwardly with wide eyes. It’s so insanely adorable that Jongin watches with a smile until Woobin (wait, when did he even get there?) rescues Kyungsoo by grabbing his wrist and swinging their arms together, and doesn’t let go until Kyungsoo gets a vague idea of what to do.

From this point on, it is with much unhappiness that Jongin watches, caught in a dilemma between going up on stage voluntarily and the terrifying thought of being up. Yet, when Kyungsoo starts smiling, his heart softens and he breaks into a helpless smile too, just happy Kyungsoo is having fun.

Fortunately for his patience, the game ends fairly quickly and Jongin manages to catch Kyungsoo’s eye when he’s walking back to his seat, and the warm smile he receives is enough to soothe his ruffled heart.

He knows he said he wouldn’t get jealous so much anymore, but it really is easier said than done because he now realizes it’s not something he can controll. It just happens that he’s in love with the most amazing person in this world and Kyungsoo’s merits are so pristine clear to him that it’s impossible for him to believe they would go unnoticed by others, which only adds on to his insecurities. Maybe Jongin is a little possessive, but even so, he is determined to not act like a psycho boyfriend and instead forces himself to relax by paying more attention to his friends. Regardless, he finds his gaze wandering over to where Kyungsoo is from time to time anyway.

And when he catches Kyungsoo stealing occasional glances at him too, the feeling that grows in his chest is one he hardly knows how to describe.

-

“Where’s Minseok?”

The mention of that name induces Jongin into laughter, almost spilling his ladle of gravy as his shoulders heave.

“He ran off the moment they said we could have dinner and I haven’t seen him since. Man, you should have seen how fast he ran. He really put Usain Bolt to shame.”

Chanyeol’s lips lift into a one-sided smile when he tries to picture that happening. “He’s a funny guy,” he remarks absently, grabbing the ladle after Jongin.

“Yeah, he is.” Jongin agrees breezily, waiting patiently for Chanyeol to scoop his desired amount of gravy. It turns out to be a large amount, and they embark on a search mission for an empty table with Chanyeol’s plate threatening to overflow with gravy.

Jongin’s heart nearly stills when Kyungsoo pops into his line of vision, and has already taken a few steps towards his table when he realizes that there are no empty seats there. He also seems to be getting along really well with his team members, especially with Woobin who is seated beside him. That tickles Jongin in a bad way and he straightens up, walking right over anyway.

The table in front of Kyungsoo’s is empty and Jongin settles down there. It takes Chanyeol a slightly longer time to arrive, delayed by his best efforts at trying not to spill any of his precious gravy.

“Wow,” Chanyeol exhales a huge sigh of relief. “That was really difficult.”

“Maybe you shouldn’t be so greedy next time.”

“You’re probably right, but I’m not going to tell you that because I’m not going to give you the pleasure of knowing that you are.”

“Okay, Chanyeol.”

They dig in at the same time, and Chanyeol seems to be on a personal mission to land himself a place in the Guinness World Record for being the fastest eater when he practically shoves the entire plate into his mouth, whereas Jongin seems the more refined one, alternating between sneaking glimpses of Kyungsoo and eating like a normal guy.

Kyungsoo definitely knows he’s there. Their eyes meet a couple of times but Jongin can’t bring himself to return his smile even though he isn’t really angry, just a little jealous. And because he feels so incredibly stupid for feeling this way, eventually he stops looking over and focuses on his dinner instead.

He would definitely feel better if Kyungsoo came over and talked to him a little, but when he realizes his boyfriend doesn’t seem to have the intention of doing so, he promptly leaves in a conflicted state of mind.

It’s completely natural to feel jealous, he tries to reason with himself, but he still feels really stupid because he knows very well what Kyungsoo feels towards him. The realization that he has never felt this way about Jieun, never cared who she chose to hang out, informs him that the first real relationship of his life has only just started.

They find Minseok sitting outside smoking alone shortly after, and his silly antics soon lifts Jongin’s spirits again.

-

Cricket sounds follow him and his contemplation all the way to the toilet, fading away only when he sets foot into the dimly-lit area with his toiletries to wash up for the night. Unwilling to wait in line for the shower, Jongin had very voluntarily waited until it seemed like most people were back on their beds before he decided it would be his time to unwind, but he realizes he’s not the only one who had thought of that when his eyes land on a familiar stature.

Kyungsoo catches sight of him through the reflection and their gazes meet in the mirror. The smaller male spits out his mouthful of toothpaste and looks up at Jongin again with a small smile, one that makes Jongin almost smile back until he remembers how much injustice Kyungsoo has put him through the entire day.

So instead of going right over to sneak his arms around Kyungsoo’s slender waist and giving him a peck on the cheek like he normally does, Jongin remains where he is and lets his gaze drop to the ground, trying to decide his next move.

The sound of running water reaches him and Jongin’s head snaps back up. He watches Kyungsoo gargle a few times and his legs start moving on their own accord, transporting him to where the smaller male is standing by the sink with a bewildered expression now that he’s done brushing his teeth.

Kyungsoo’s hair is damp, so he must have just finished his shower too, and that guess is validated by the display of his toiletries against the mirror. Jongin reaches out to grab the shampoo, a spontaneous decision after realizing how much he doesn’t want to be alone here, but doesn’t want to ask Kyungsoo to stay with him. Nope, he’s not going to open his mouth at all.

“That’s mine,” says Kyungsoo, inclining his body towards Jongin so they can properly look at each other’s faces.

Jongin merely drops his gaze again, his lips forming a petulant pout.

“Give it back,” Kyungsoo says next, but he doesn’t make an attempt to retrieve the shampoo bottle in Jongin’s loose grip.

Neither are saying what they really want to despite their present privacy in the empty toilet, the reasons being indignance for Jongin and confusion for Kyungsoo who decides to test his boyfriend out first.

When it becomes apparent that Kyungsoo has to be the more vocal one this time, he stretches his arm out to grab the hand curled around his shampoo bottle, killing two birds with one stone.

“What’s wrong?”

Jongin doesn’t answer that. He just looks around, focusing on nothing in particular but Kyungsoo even as his heart flutters at the warmth of his hand.

“Did you forget to bring your shampoo?”

“I see your shampoo there though, so what is it?”

“Are you going to play mute?”

When Kyungsoo’s string of questions goes ignored, he sighs in exasperation and touches Jongin’s hip lightly.

“I’m going back then.”

Jongin’s responds by tightening his fingers around Kyungsoo’s wrist and attaching himself to his heels. That makes Kyungsoo stop in his tracks, whipping around to regard Jongin again.

“Okay,” he says in a tone that makes Jongin feel like a toddler. “I’ll stay here until you finish your shower.”

This time Jongin looks into his eyes for reassurance, and when Kyungsoo’s lips lift into a smile, Jongin lets himself be convinced. That, coupled with Kyungsoo’s muttered “promise”, he lets go of his hand and makes his way into the nearest cubicle.

Instead of staying under the faucet to relish in the bliss of a hot shower, he trades it for a quick one and uses Kyungsoo’s shampoo just because. The familiar scent offers him a great deal of comfort, and for a fleeting moment Jongin can trick himself into thinking they’re back at home and going to cuddle in bed after this—then he remembers he’s still kind of jealous and plasters a look of cold indifference onto his face.

Kyungsoo is sitting on the bench with his own fingers intertwined when the cubicle door swings open and Jongin steps out into the cooler air, granting brief eye-contact to the guy he’s pretending to be mad at.

“Let’s go,” Kyungsoo offers cordially and Jongin nods just as politely, waiting for Kyungsoo to lead the way so he can walk behind him instead of matching his footsteps.

By now Kyungsoo should have figured out why Jongin is behaving like this unless he’s more oblivious than Jongin thought, and the victim is just trying to figure out if his boyfriend understands his actions or not when said boyfriend’s fingers lock around his arm and forces him to fall into step beside him. Jongin lets his smile slip, turning away just in time to avoid detection.

Kyungsoo breaks the silence when the door to their sleeping quarters pulls into view. “Good night, green-eyed monster.” And instead of a kiss that would have appeased Jongin entirely, he flicks his finger against the swimmer’s forehead, then makes his way in without glancing back.

Jongin just stands there, stunned, but a small smile blossoms on his face when he recovers from the ridiculity of Kyungsoo’s actions and walks into the room too with a shake of his head.

His bed creaks as he stretches his limbs with a wide yawn, the tiredness only now kicking in. He looks to his left where Chanyeol is lying on his stomach with his eyes glued to his phone, and to his right where Minseok is sitting in an unnaturally upright position with his eyes closed. That gets his attention.

“What are you doing?” he asks, and repeats his question until Minseok exhales loudly.

“I’m meditating,” Minseok informs him in a not-very-civil tone. “It would help if you stop distracting me.”

Jongin looks around him, thoroughly amused, thinking it wondrous strange how Minseok is able to “meditate” when their surroundings are so noisy. That, and the fact that Minseok meditates in the first place is funny, so Jongin slides himself to the edge of his bed until he can jab Chanyeol with his foot.

“Give me your baby powder,” Jongin lowers his voice as much as he can for discretion, something Chanyeol doesn’t help in as he stares back at his friend with a flabbergasted expression and repeats his request in his usual loud voice.

“Are you serious? You want my baby powder? Do you finally see the good of it?”

As Chanyeol’s #1 friend, it is 100% Jongin’s job to refrain from judging him too badly, though it’s hard to do so in certain instances. Jongin almost choked to death laughing when he first found out Chanyeol still uses baby powder for “smooth skin” and “to sleep better at night”, but he was nice enough to keep it a secret from his 358 friends on Facebook (though he’s not going to deny ever having blackmailed him), and he thinks now is the perfect time for Chanyeol to repay that favour.

“Just give it to me,” Jongin mutters exasperatedly, glancing back at Minseok who remains still and detached from reality at this very moment.

Chanyeol eyes him suspiciously and then gets around to digging in his bag until he produces what Jongin is asking for.

The bed creaks again as Jongin slides off and he tiptoes over to an unsuspecting Minseok who is very much focused on his meditation, unscrewing the cap of the baby powder as he does.

When he gets within range, he lifts the bottle over Minseok’s head and turns it over, suppressing his laughter as he watches a blanket of powder cover the copper hair.

Chanyeol gives him a muted high-five and they make themselves comfortable while waiting for Minseok to come back to reality, anticipating his reaction. When Minseok snaps out of his peaceful trance, he sniffs loudly.

“Is it just me or do I smell baby powder?”

Jongin gives his most innocent look when Minseok’s gaze lands on him.

“I don’t smell anything,” he says.

“Neither do I,” Chanyeol agrees smoothly.

Minseok’s eyebrows pull into a deep frown. “No, I swear I smell baby powder. That was what distracted me. I thought it couldn’t be but I swear, I smell it.”

The lights go out just as a smile wreaths Jongin’s face, a timely coincidence that conceals his mischief.

“I’ll recommend you to a psychiatrist tomorrow,” he promises Minseok, smiling wider at the barrage of filthy words he gets in return. Then the world quiets down, an inevitable result of the darkness and exhaustion.

At least an hour must have passed in what feels like penance to Jongin as he lies awake in the dark, staring up at the ceilings and wondering if the stars outside are watching him. The only thing that comes to mind is the soft smile on Kyungsoo’s face when they encountered each other in the toilet earlier, and Jongin already feels guilty for how he treated the person he loves so incredibly tenderly.

Sleep just wouldn’t come even in his state of fatigue, and after a futile bout of tossing and turning, Jongin sits up and looks around him. There are soft snores coming from Minseok’s side and he sees Chanyeol’s foot dangling off the bed, enough assurance that he’s probably the only one who can’t get to sleep.

He swings himself off the bed as quietly as he can, wincing when it creaks and holds his breath for the full 30 seconds it takes to make sure he hasn’t woken anyone up judging by the still silhouettes surrounding him. He knows exactly where to find Kyungsoo and it’s like a gravitational force he can’t help but give in to as he tiptoes his way there, excitement growing in his heart.

Woobin’s bed is beside Kyungsoo’s and Jongin catches a glimpse of him as he passes by, and concludes that it must be a tall-people thing when he sees his foot protruding out of his bed too, like Chanyeol’s had been.

That sight snags his attention only briefly because Jongin soon directs his gaze towards Kyungsoo, barely making out his silhouette. For a long moment, Jongin just stands by his bed and contemplates waking him up, but decides against it when the sound of Kyungsoo’s steady breathing reaches him. Instead, he climbs into Kyungsoo’s bed stealthily, pleased to find out it’s not as creaky as his and worms his way into the blanket nest Kyungsoo has made for himself.

Despite his best efforts, his movements awaken Kyungsoo who is up and staring at him with bright eyes that even the darkness can’t hide very much by the time he gets comfortable.

“What are you doing?” Kyungsoo whispers.

“Can’t sleep,” Jongin murmurs without missing a beat.

Kyungsoo isn’t going to let him go that easily. “You’re done being a green-eyed monster?”

Their faces are so incredibly close and Jongin makes a mental note to destroy Kyungsoo’s spare pillow back home so they can share one like this for the rest of eternity. How is it possible that Kyungsoo looks even cuter close-up?

“I think so,” Jongin says, “I checked before coming over and my eyes aren’t green anymore.”

He doesn’t miss Kyungsoo’s smile, can’t possibly let it go unnoticed when all the stars in his world light up at that.

“Sorry for waking you up,” Jongin adds good-naturedly, to which Kyungsoo merely sighs and shakes his head. “Night night.”

“Don’t let the bedbugs bite,” Kyungsoo finishes for him.

The green-eyed monster that had possessed him earlier really is nowhere to be found right now and Jongin doesn’t think of anything else when he leans in, kissing Kyungsoo’s lips gently. Kyungsoo’s arms sneak around his waist, pulling him in as he buries his face into Jongin’s neck, and Jongin has no trouble falling asleep like that with Kyungsoo tucked beneath his chin.

-

The first sunrays at dawn project long slanted shadows at odd angles through the windows, only to find Jongin already back in his own bed. He grabs his clothes and makes his way to the toilet to freshen up before the morning crowd beats him to it, in a relatively good mood after spending a short night with his insanely adorable boyfriend.

The others have started to rouse by the time Jongin gets back, muscles relaxed and hair damp from a hot shower. Chanyeol doesn’t show any signs of life with his long body sprawled across the bed and his oblivious face completely unruffled even when the noise level grows tentatively, then in full force. Minseok, on the other hand, fares considerably better. He’s sitting upright in bed with a dazed look on his face, looking as though he’s having enough difficulty just trying to remember who he is.

Jongin has to cough to disguise his laughter when he realizes the blanket of baby powder on the crown of Minseok’s head has remained intact through the night, and averts his gaze pointedly when Minseok finally spares him a look.

“What time is it?” he asks hoarsely, voice still deep from sleep.

“2am.”

 

“What are we doing today?”

“Hiking.”

Minseok cocks his head. “No way.”

“You should get your ass out of bed now if you don’t want to queue for a shower.” Jongin kindly advises him, tossing his bottle of shampoo over at his friend voluntarily.

“‘kay,” responds Minseok blearily, and really listens to Jongin’s advice as he gets out of bed and drags his feet towards the toilet.

Jongin looks towards the end of the room, over at where Kyungsoo is, already up and currently pulling out clothes from his duffle bag. He continues to stare, his brown eyes lightening quickly into a dark shade of green when Woobin ruffles Kyungsoo’s hair as a morning greeting, and keeps staring as Kyungsoo makes his way to the toilet, passing by him in the process. When the source of his jealousy is out of sight, he kicks Chanyeol’s butt.

“Get up.”

Chanyeol merely turns over and continues sleeping. Jongin kicks again with increased force.

“Seriously, everyone is up.”

“Tell them I died in my sleep,” Chanyeol mutters incoherently while pulling his blanket over his face.

Jongin sighs. “Duly noted.”

Sleepiness is definitely contagious, and Jongin yawns as he stretches himself across his bed, eyes falling shut. He is tethering so dangerously on the edge when Minseok’s voice forces his eyes open and he regards the football player lazily, wondering why he looks so unnerved. Minseok jumps onto his bed, his face hovering above Jongin’s.

“I think this place is haunted.”

Jongin tries to push him away but Minseok doesn’t so much as budge. “Why would you say that?”

“I found baby powder in my hair,” Minseok looks around warily before he explains his suspicion, and the fearful look in his eyes is enough to trigger Jongin into laughter.

“Right,” says Jongin, nearly choking.

“Take me seriously! It must be a baby ghost or something like that.” Minseok cries, and Jongin really laughs so hard that tears spill from the corners of his eyes. He wipes them away and buries his face in his pillow, still laughing, his shoulders shaking.

And Chanyeol sleeps through all of that, awakening only when Minseok and Jongin combine efforts to drag him out of bed by his legs, brute force forcing him into shameful defeat.

-

“Wow.”

“Right,” Jongin nods in agreement, making a sweeping gesture at their surroundings. “Definitely worth getting up early.”

“No fucking shit,” says Chanyeol with a roll of his eyes, “I even came back from the dead just for this.” After a moment, he asks, “Jongin, do you think it’s possible for us to swim back home?”

Jongin brushes his fringe back with his fingers, sparing Chanyeol a sideway glance.

“I guess we can give it a shot.”

Minseok huffs. “You guys are not leaving me here alone.” To seem more threatening, he shoves Jongin lightly, who chuckles as he regains balance on the footpath.

“Hey, survival of the fittest.”

In all honesty, it’s not that bad being surrounded by trees, trees, and more trees. The morning air is fresh and crisp, so much more out here in the nature, but it’s not a sight that appeals to Jongin who finds it difficult to concentrate on his view when he’s so busy fending off mosquitoes and avoiding stepping on snails and centipedes. They have been trekking for slightly over 45 minutes now, and Jongin has grown so very tired of the faces in his team—they’re everywhere he turns.

He takes a generous sip from his bottle, wondering how Kyungsoo is faring, hoping he’s sufficiently hydrated and not too tired. With thoughts of love occupying his mind, Jongin walks on, responding to Chanyeol’s jokes and Minseok’s snide comments from time to time. Chanyeol is telling him a joke about an old cock and a farmer when figures appear in the near distance, just a little ahead of them. Jongin squints, eyes narrowing, smile growing, and leaves Minseok to entertain Chanyeol’s humour as he sprints forth.

Kyungsoo turns around at the sound of the readily approaching footsteps and his eyes widen when he sees Jongin, but he comes to a standstill and waits for the swimmer to catch up. Woobin stops too, obviously Kyungsoo’s buddy for this camp. He gives Jongin a friendly smile when their eyes meet and Jongin returns that gesture generously, his happiness in seeing Kyungsoo enough to dispel his jealousy.

“Hey, you.” Kyungsoo says.

“Hey yourself.” Even still, Jongin deliberately wedges himself between Woobin and Kyungsoo, glancing in front of him briefly at the other people in the Pink Team. “Fancy running into you here.”

“I know,” Kyungsoo responds, his shoulders lifting in a loose shrug. “Just woke up and decided it was a beautiful morning to take a walk in the middle of nowhere. I wasn’t expecting you to be a morning person too.”

Jongin lifts his watch to his face, imitating Kyungsoo’s casual shrug. “It’s been… hmm… three hours since I became a morning person. It’s not that bad yet, but whether I can sustain this or not is another problem entirely.”

He expected the jab in his ribs and they share a laugh that resonates in the cool morning air and the forest around them comes alive, branches swaying lightly in the breeze and leaves rustling, whispering tales of love and friendship.

Woobin tries to strike up conversation after a few minutes of silence, being a much friendlier person than Jongin had expected. “You’re a swimmer, yeah?”

All hard feelings dissolve at his affable smile even though Jongin has to crane his neck to look up at him. “Yeah. And you?”

“Basketball.”

He eyes Woobin with envy, taking in his long limbs and tall height. “You must be quite a valuable player.”

“I wouldn’t say I contribute much besides feeding stereotypes,” Woobin laughs, putting Jongin at ease. “Touka’s in your team, isn’t she?”

It takes a while for Jongin to recall who Touka is. When the girl with the short hair and multiple piercings surface in his mind, he nods tentatively. “I think so.”

Woobin laughs. “I found someone in the Blue team to swap with me but I got caught, so that was a bummer.”

Jongin doesn’t get it instantly. His jaw fall open as he stares at Woobin. “You mean…?”

“Touka is my girlfriend.”

“Oh.” He looks at Kyungsoo who is suppressing a violent smile, his eyes twinkling with amusement, obviously mocking Jongin who had been so jealous for nothing. “Oh,” Jongin repeats, breaking into a grin himself. “Yeah, cool, she’s pretty nice.”

Then, he leans towards Kyungsoo and pinches his waist lightly while whispering into his ear. “You should have told me!”

Kyungsoo regards him with cool eyes. “It was funny watching you get all worked up like an idiot.”

How different this boy is from the one he encountered at the pool is nearly enough to make Jongin want to pull out every single strand of his hair, but he really likes seeing this cheeky side of Kyungsoo. Getting to know him more and more and unlocking different sides of this person he’s so in love with is tremendous enjoyment. And he loves all of him, every single side he has seen.

“I’ll punish you soon,” Jongin promises him and Kyungsoo’s brows raise in response, obviously challenging the swimmer.

They’re forced to go separate ways soonafter, different activities planned for different teams and Jongin rejoins his friends in a good mood. Chanyeol takes a look at him and shakes his head, muttering something along the line of kids these days. The next 2 hours fly right by as they attempt to build a tree-house, and Jongin has to admit he really had fun even though their tree-house turned out extremely deficient and ugly. He even manages to interact a little with Touka who is really nice and he can really see her with Woobin, which lifts his spirits even more. Chanyeol also felt the need to inform him that he has never seen Jongin being so cooperative and participative in anything that doesn’t involve swimming.

After their tree-house fiasco, they’re led to a small clearing, with Jongin at the forefront of the group because his eager ears picked up the sound of water before anyone else did. The rest of the team arrives to see Jongin already in the stream, his clothes abandoned on a low branch.

Chanyeol pushes Minseok in much to the displeasure of the latter, who batters him vigorously until they’re both out of breath and ready to join Jongin in seeking repose from the gentle water, so clear and cool beneath the vast blue sky.

Instead of swimming, Jongin just relaxes and releases the weight of the world from his shoulders as he floats on the surface, eyes closed.

It’s moments like this that really makes everything worth it; when he gets to indulge in what makes him feel so utterly alive and at peace with the world, and this particular moment is reminiscent of the first time he waddled into the love of his life as a child. Jongin is not really a superstitious person, but he does believe that his affinity with the water will last until the universe crumbles into rust and stardust— he must have loved the water in his past life too, and in this life, and the next. It will never end.

Most of his teammates got bored of splashing around after a while, and are lured away by the temptation of camp-fire food. Meanwhile, Jongin remains where he is. He doesn’t think he ever intends to leave this place. Chanyeol and Minseok are the only two still in the stream with him and he looks at them fondly, pleased he’s not alone in this moment, though having Kyungsoo here would definitely break the scale of perfection.

“I’m starving,” Minseok complains when the delicious aroma of meat wafts over to them, sniffing loudly like a dog.

“We should probably go before they wipe out everything,” Chanyeol says, already making his way towards the bank. He looks back at Jongin. “You coming?”

Jongin shakes his head. “Nah, I think I’ll just remain here for a little while more. Come get me when you guys are leaving?”

“Alright. You want some food?”

“Save some for me if it’s not too much trouble.”

“I resigned myself to a life of trouble when I decided to accept your friendship,” Chanyeol informs him kindly, grinning at the blast of water Jongin sends his way because he ducks and it ends up hitting clueless Minseok instead.

“Fuck you,” Minseok mutters, not really sure who he’s directing it to, too lost in the thoughts of meat to care anyway.

Jongin watches his friend disappear between the trees, the sounds of their conversation drifting further and further away until serenity replaces them entirely. He goes back to floating on the surface, his eyes wide open this time as a crack appears in the sky and all of its vibrancy spills through, seeping right into him.

His decision to accept the swimming scholarship and dive into a life of competition isn’t one that is completely free of anxiety and he finds himself still questioning if it’s the right choice sometimes, but right now, with the water cradling his body, Jongin knows it is. Kyungsoo was right. He’s not going to mysteriously forget his love for swimming just because he’s about to be thrown into a rat-race of timings and medals. He shares a special affinity with the water and that makes him different from everyone else.

A reassured smile settles on his face, his eyes still trained on the sky above him, until a small splash lets him know that his private sphere has been breached. He lets gravity pull him back down, soles landing softly against the bottom of the stream.

But it is just Kyungsoo standing by the bank, arms hanging limply by his side and smile casual.

“It’s not very difficult to find you.”

Jongin holds his hand out to him. “You were looking for me?” he teases. “What for?”

“To beat you up.” Yet Kyungsoo’s hand is warm and his fingers curl around Jongin’s without hesitation, allowing himself to fall forward when Jongin tugs, right into his arms.

“What a gangster,” Jongin mutters as their chests collide, his bare chest pressed against Kyungsoo’s clothed one. He bites down lightly on Kyungsoo’s ear, purposefully exhaling there because he knows just how sensitive it can be.

“The water is kind of cold.”

“You don’t like the water very much, do you?” His words are laden with meaning and he knows Kyungsoo gets exactly what he’s trying to imply when the cheeky imp hums contemplatively.

“Well, I guess it’s tolerable, but barely.”

Jongin doesn’t go easy on him this time, digging his fingers into Kyungsoo’s hips to punish him for his impudence. He tickles him without mercy, delighted at how easily he’s coaxing laughter out of Kyungsoo who squirms in his embrace, and even more delighted at how the smaller male isn’t really attempting to push him away.

When he thinks the punishment has been enacted long enough to leave a lasting impression, or at least for now, he relents and tightens his arms around Kyungsoo’s waist. Kyungsoo gazes up at him, and Jongin cannot help leaning down to capture the perfect swell of his lips in a kiss when he sees the sky reflected in the smaller male’s eyes, hoping to taste heaven in his mouth.

“I’m so lucky to have you,” he breaks the kiss just to mutter that and Kyungsoo’s fingers tangle in the back of his hair, pulling him back down just so they can kiss again.

If Jongin had thought the view here with the stream and clear blue sky was great, he should see how the two of them look against this gorgeous backdrop; locked in each other’s arms and waist-deep in the water, joined in a kiss that made them oblivious of the world around them.  
There’s no saying where Jongin’s hands would have gone or if he would have behaved had a loud gasp not pulled them apart, their heads snapping towards the source of the sound at the same time.

Jieun stands a few metres away from them, her eyes brimming with bewilderment and pain, her hand covering her open mouth.

“Jieun…”

Jongin had not seen her around at all, did not even know she was here too, so she must have done a great job avoiding him——until now.

“You’re kidding,” she says when her arm falls back to her side.

Kyungsoo takes a step away and tries to shake off Jongin’s hand, but Jongin merely tightens his fingers around his hand, earning him a surprised wide-eyed look.

“You’re not going anywhere, Kyungsoo.” He lets Kyungsoo know, and at this, Kyungsoo stops trying to break free of his grasp. He turns to Jieun next, his voice a little shaky at the beginning. “I don’t know what to say but I’m not going to apologize because what I have with Kyungsoo is not something I feel sorry about, though I’m sorry you had to find out this way.”

Her eyes well up with tears. Kyungsoo looks away.

“I know I hurt you, and I’m sorry about that too, but I hope you realize now that there is no going back for us. And I had to do this, because staying with you would only hurt us both even more. What you’re looking at now is the truth. It is what it is.”

The atmosphere is so awkward that Jongin first thought the tension alone was somehow causing twigs to snap, the sounds amplified in this situation, until Chanyeol emerges from between the trees behind Jieun. His mouth falls into a perfect ‘O’ when he sees Jongin and Kyungsoo standing together in the stream with their fingers intertwined.

“Hey, I’m sorry, I didn’t know Kyungsoo was here.” It must have been Chanyeol who perhaps let slip that Jongin was alone at the stream, and Jieun probably wanted to just get a quick glance at the ex she still can’t really bring herself to get over, still indulged in the fantasy of a possible reconciliation someday.

She runs away before her tears can fall, pushing past Chanyeol who nearly drops the plate of food as he looks after her.

“Should we go after her?”

Jongin hardens his resolve. “No,” he says. “This is a clean break we both need.”

“Oh, okay then.” Chanyeol says while he slowly takes a step back. “Is it better if I leave you two to yourselves?”

Jongin smiles. “Leave the food here and get lost.”

That is enough reassurance to Chanyeol in letting him know Jongin’s definitely not angry at him for accidentally screwing shit up, and he gives him a mock salute, then really does as he’s told and leaves the plate of food on the ground as an offering of sorts, leaving afterwards.

Kyungsoo’s fingers are cold and clammy. Jongin frowns, squeezing some warmth into them. “You okay?”

“Are you okay?”

The look in Kyungsoo’s eyes makes it inevitable for him to lean in and give him a peck just to ease the tightness between his brows.

“I feel great, actually. We don’t have to hide anymore. I can let the whole damn world know I love you.”

Kyungsoo drops his head but Jongin catches a glimpse of a smile before he manages to shield his face from view.

“Okay,” Kyungsoo mutters.

“Anyway, why are you alone? Aren’t you supposed to be with your team?”

“Ditched them.”

“You ditched them to come look for me?”

Kyungsoo licks his dry lips. “They were fighting about how to build the tree-house. I got annoyed.”

This amuses Jongin thoroughly as he leads Kyungsoo out of the stream, going right for the food Chanyeol had left.

“Some meat to appease your highness?”

Their fingers remain connected throughout. Kyungsoo beams up at him, his childlike happiness inducing Jongin into his own.

“Sure,” Kyungsoo agrees readily, opening his mouth for Jongin to feed him.


	10. Chapter 10

Jongin’s fingers itch as he observes Minseok in his subdued state of meditation, with a face so tranquil it almost made him feel guilty about wanting to pull another prank on him. But then again, it’s Minseok he has in mind, and it’s just fun messing around with him.

“Again?” Chanyeol asks softly, a look of eagerness in his eyes.

“Your move.”

The giant has just gotten off his bed when Minseok’s meditation comes to a premature end, an unexpected occurrence that startles both onlookers.

“You’re done meditating?” Jongin plays it cool, diverting Minseok’s attention from Chanyeol who attempts to hide the bottle of baby powder behind him.

“Yeah, it’s my cheat day.”

“What.”

“Oh, um,” Minseok starts fiddling with the hem of his shirt, refusing to meet Jongin’s gaze. “I wasn’t meditating, actually.”

“Then what were you doing?”

Chanyeol wastes no time in crawling back into his bed, a nifty bit of sleight of hand concealing the weapon totally as he drops the bottle into his duffle bag.

“You don’t want to know,” Minseok squeaks, surprising Jongin who has never heard him speak in this manner.

“I want to,” Jongin affirms, and gains the support of Chanyeol who nods vigorously.

“Me too.”

Minseok lets out a loud sigh. “I was praying.”

“I didn’t know you were religious,” Jongin responds, laying down when he realizes the lights are going to go off any moment.

“I wasn’t exactly praying to God… I was… uh… I prayed that the ghost would bother you instead of me tonight.”

At that, Jongin sits back up. His jaw drops open. “You what?”

For a long moment, it’s just silence because even Chanyeol can’t think of what to say. Then Minseok starts cackling, which quickly escalates into full-blown laughter.

“You should see how stupid you look right now!” He manages between the hysterical laughing, so contagious it makes Jongin grin unwittingly despite finding out that he has just been cursed. “I’m just kidding, mate, I wouldn’t do something so stupid.”

Jongin huffs. “I wouldn’t be surprised if you did.”

“I really was meditating, but it’s cheat day so I did it for only 3 minutes tonight.”

“Very punctual in your habits, I see.”

“Shut the fuck up.”

“And decorous in your manners too.”

The lights go out right after Jongin exchanges a sneaky grin with Chanyeol who looks a little bummed out about not being able to scare Minseok tonight, and the room plunges into darkness.

“Good night,” Minseok calls out sleepily, a gesture Jongin echoes, and then Chanyeol.

Tonight, again, Jongin has no plans of sleeping on his own. What kind of boyfriend would he be if he did that and left his adorable Kyungsoo cold and lonely in the dark? He keeps his eyes open, staring up at the ceiling while waiting for the murmured conversations around him to fade. At present, he need only tranquilize himself, something that sure is difficult to do when his brain is actively coming up with ways to punish Kyungsoo like he promised he would.

Jongin finds out that the length of his patience is only 36 minutes when his body starts moving on its own accord, in a way that would minimize the creaking of his bed. He navigates through the dark with practiced ease, a natural gravitational force he has no choice but to concede to as his feet sweep him towards where he knows Kyungsoo is.

It would be a lie to say he’s not disappointed to find Kyungsoo already deeply asleep with his blanket pulled all the way up to his chin, but that problem is quickly resolved when Jongin worms his way into the warm nest, his tyrannical movements waking Kyungsoo. The sleepy boy blinks at him, the fog of confusion slowly clearing.

“Jongin?” Kyungsoo’s voice is husky and it sends shivers down Jongin’s spine.

Jongin throws one arm around his waist, snuggling into the crook of his neck.

“Yours truly,” he mumbles into the warm skin, pressing his lips against it.

“I thought I was just dreaming last night,” Kyungsoo explains the reason behind his confusion softly and concludes with a laugh. “Should have known I wasn’t.”

“Hmm…” Jongin is usually more verbal in his responses, but tonight is an exception because his mind is preoccupied with other thoughts, and Kyungsoo’s utterance is a contrast to his when he feels the hand down his pants.

“What are you doing?” he hisses, capturing Jongin’s wrist in a death grip and effectively halting his movement.

“Nothing, just wanted to check if your dick is still there.”

Kyungsoo pinches his arm. “It is, thank you very much for your concern.”

“I’m glad.”

“I’m glad you’re glad.” These four words would have been completely romantic in another situation, but now they’re laced with sarcasm. And if anything, Kyungsoo’s sassiness only turns a certain someone on even more.

“I said I would punish you,” Jongin whispers before his teeth clamps down lightly on the shell of his ear, teasingly, the mischief only just beginning.

“And I said I would beat you up.”

“Let’s keep the roughhouse for when we get back, okay?” Jongin doesn’t give Kyungsoo enough time to respond as he lifts his knee to the crotch of the man now squirming beneath him, and skillfully rubs him there until he is undoubtedly hard and breathing heavily.

“Jongin…”

“I’m all ears, baby.”

“Stop…” Kyungsoo pushes his knee away weakly, his lack of strength contradicting his request.

Jongin takes his soft earlobe between his lips and nips, and a small gasp escapes from Kyungsoo.

“Do you really want me to?”

Even in his elevated state of horniness, a simple yes from Kyungsoo would have stopped him right there and then. He would never disrespect Kyungsoo. But all Kyungsoo does is turn away to hide his face, and Jongin grins because he knows this is permission to keep going.

“Can I put my hand down your pants now? Hmm?”

Kyungsoo’s ears are positively blazing, the heat burning against Jongin’s lips.

“Hurry up,” Kyungsoo whispers, still refusing to look at Jongin who can only try to imagine the look in his eyes now.

His dick is almost fully hard when Jongin slips his hand past the waistband of his pants, and realizes that Kyungsoo seems to get flustered more easily when they’re in a situation like this, where they can get found out by anyone anytime. He makes a mental note regarding that, his grin growing as he strokes Kyungsoo agonizingly slowly to complete hardness.

“Look at me.” Jongin instructs, grabbing Kyungsoo’s chin to twist his head so they can meet eye-to-eye. In the meantime, he doesn’t stop moving his hand, his movement deliberately slow because he just loves seeing Kyungsoo look so completely wrecked. The irresistibility of Kyungsoo’s lovely plump lips has Jongin pouncing forward, eager to introduce them to his own.

Their kiss is rough and sloppy, teeth scraping, hearts tousled, and Kyungsoo’s head tilts back involuntarily when Jongin starts jerking him off quickly, a soft moan rolling out between those sinful lips. Jongin chases after that moan, swallowing the next few that come along easily after the first one.

“You should be quieter,” he advises Kyungsoo kindly when a soft snore from a nearby bed reminds him that they might be too loud.

Then he slides down Kyungsoo’s body, disappearing beneath the blanket. He licks the head first, closing his mouth around the tip and sucking lightly before sinking all the way down without warning. That certainly catches Kyungsoo off-guard, whose fingers fly up to grip Jongin’s hair tightly.

Jongin pins Kyungsoo against the bed with one arm as he continues to suck his dick with zeal, his free hand slipping past his own waistband and wrapping around his own arousal without a second to waste.

Just like that, he gives Kyungsoo his most exciting blowjob to date while jerking himself off. Kyungsoo comes into his mouth with a muffled grunt when Jongin forces himself to go all the way, fighting off his gag reflex as best as he can. He swallows it all up, satisfied with the supper he had in mind, and pumps his own dick with more vigor until he hits climax as well, just a few seconds after Kyungsoo does.

He meets Kyungsoo’s lips first when he re-emerges from the blanket, flicking his tongue against Kyungsoo’s and giving him a taste of himself. The sheets are stained and Kyungsoo brings that up in a grumpy voice when the kiss draws to an end, but Jongin knows he doesn’t really mind it and merely smiles triumphantly.

“We’re leaving tomorrow so that’s okay.”

Kyungsoo hums, arms curling around the swimmer’s body to pull him closer.

“What a night,” he mutters.

“We should do this more often. You’re pretty kinky.”

Jongin probably deserved the flick he got on his forehead. They fall asleep quickly afterwards having been through much more than their schoolmates today, chests rising and falling in perfect harmony.

-

“Yo, did you guys miss me?”

“Who is that?”

Jongin leans past Chanyeol’s legs to stick his head out in the aisle, making instant eye-contact with the tall lanky guy practically strutting down what he probably sees as a runway.

“Is that Oh Se-something?”

“I’m not very sure, but he looks a little familiar.”

Jongin nods in agreement, raising his eyebrows at Sehun. “Who the hell are you?”

“Go to hell.”

Sehun swings himself into the empty seats behind his friends, dumping his duffle bag beside him. He has gotten remarkably tan over the past two days and Chanyeol makes a snide comment about that, something Jongin doesn’t really catch but it’s probably not very nice because Sehun reaches forward to slap his cheek lightly.

The only thing plaguing Jongin’s mind now is his relationship with Kyungsoo. They previously agreed (in a very romantic post-blowjob conversation that also involved a lot of kissing) to keep it a secret to protect Jieun and because they were still trying things out, but now that Jieun already knows and they are resolute about this love affair, he doesn’t want to keep it from his friends anymore.

This is the sole purpose for which he had driven Kyungsoo away, returning him to Baekhyun who was only more than happy to have his best friend back with him for this retreat camp at all. Jongin is ready to officially tell his friends about the truth albeit the butterflies in his tummy. He fiddles with his fingers, hoping the playful bantering between his friends would calm him down a little.

It almost works— until Minseok strolls down the aisle, his copper hair illuminated by the sunlight pouring through the windows. He greets his friends with a cheeky grin and plops down beside Sehun after playfully dumping his duffle bag onto the aisle, ignoring his protests.

“We’re returning to civilization,” Minseok announces loudly, his head falling against the cushion. “God.”

“I had fun, though.” Chanyeol muses aloud, then looks at Jongin. “I’m sure you did, too.”

Jongin’s heart pounds erratically. “What?”

His friend leans in, cupping his mouth to whisper into Jongin’s ear. “Last night I woke up for a piss and saw your bed empty.”

“I—”

“You probably went to catch Minseok’s ghost, huh?” With a playful wink, Chanyeol changes the topic and whips around to ask Sehun about his Nintendo DS.

Jongin licks his suddenly dry lips, blinking as he gazes out of the window. He hasn’t done anything wrong, yet he’s so nervous it feels like he’s about to swim in a competition again.

He lifts his butt slightly off the seat to retrieve his forgotten phone when it vibrates against his thigh. The screen comes alive with a notification that makes him smile in spite of his present feelings.

From: Kyungsoo  
It’s pretty cold this morning.

To: Kyungsoo  
are you trying to say you want to cuddle?

From Kyungsoo  
No.

“Who are you texting?” Chanyeol asks with inquisitive eyes, then relents when he catches the silly smile on Jongin’s face. “Never mind. I know who you’re texting.”

“Who is he texting?”

Sehun gets a slap on his forehead when his head hovers above Jongin, trying to pry.

“None of your business.”

To: Kyungsoo  
do you miss me?

From: Kyungsoo  
Not really.

To: Kyungsoo  
but i really miss you

From: Kyungsoo  
Thank you.

With a grin, Jongin tucks his phone back into his pocket. Kyungsoo doesn’t need to spell it out— just taking the initiative to text Jongin is plenty indication that Jongin isn’t the only one who misses him already.

The bus heaves before setting off, rumbling along the dirt path. It’s a good thing that Chanyeol didn’t get seasick during their earlier ferry ride, because Jongin doesn’t want to imagine what it’d be like to have to deal with an uncomfortable Chanyeol throughout the long journey home. It seems highly likely that Chanyeol would choose to puke on him instead even if he’s given a plastic bag, and his best friend confirms his doubt when he randomly questions him about it. That moment of thoughtless goofiness quenches some of his nervousness.

Jongin gathers enough courage by the time they reach the halfway mark. He clears his throat, catching Chanyeol’s attention first.

“Something you need to say, buddy?”

It’s unusual for Chanyeol to be so attentive and accommodating when he’s on his Nintendo DS, but he must have known what Jongin has in mind. He sets it down on the armrest, his kind eyes fixated on Jongin. There is a hint of a smile on his face and Jongin feels a strange lump in his throat.

“Yeah,” Jongin says.

“Okay,” Chanyeol nods at his back. “I’m not the only person you need to say this to, am I?”

Jongin shakes his head.

“Need my help?”

A yes hovers at the tip of his tongue and Jongin purses his lips just in time to stop it from spilling out. He shakes his head again, a clear show of determination, and after taking a deep breath, peeks over the seat. Minseok and Sehun are on their phones, very much awake, and Jongin knows it has to be right now.

“Hey, guys.”

He has to repeat himself thrice before he finally gets their undivided attention and his guts twist painfully when he does.

“I, um, have something to tell you guys.”

 

“Shoot,” Minseok murmurs, and Jongin considers telling him about the prank they pulled on him, but dismisses it when he recalls the more serious matter at hand.

“I’m—” an unexplainable fear seizes his vocal chords, rendering him mute, and Jongin pauses for a long moment, getting increasingly frustrated when the words just refuse to come out. He thinks about backing out and leaving his confession for when he’s more prepared, but when a sudden memory of Kyungsoo’s smiling face is triggered, his cowardice is gotten rid of completely. It’s now or never. “I’m with Kyungsoo.” There. 

Chanyeol gives his thigh a firm pat and Jongin drops his gaze slightly, feeling the weight on his chest dissipate slowly but surely. He still feels a little nervous, but it’s not so bad, it’s not a confession he’s ashamed of, and he’s glad he has finally gotten that out.

However, Sehun doesn’t try to make it any easier for him.

“Yeah, you’re with him all the time.” He acknowledges in a matter-of-factly voice, disinterest apparent on his face as his eyes dart back to his phone.

Jongin exhales a heavy sigh. Minseok, on the other hand, fares considerably better. His eyebrows are raised, and there is evident surprise in his eyes, which can only mean he knows what kind of together Jongin is talking about.

“Wow,” he draws out. “Okay, wow.”

An awful feeling invades Jongin but just when he thinks the situation is spiralling out of control and going downhill, Minseok tethers it with a lopsided grin.

“I should have known, I mean I did at times wonder if there was anything going on sometimes but I chalked it down to my imagination because I’m, you know, such a romantic.” At that, Jongin rolls his eyes. “I thought you guys were just really close, but I have to say I’m not very surprised hearing this.”

Any idiot would be able to discern the situation through Minseok’s words even if Jongin had been rather ambiguous and vague in his phrasing, and Sehun, fortunately, gets the implication.

He pulls an earbud out. “Oh,” he says. “Oh, you meant you’re with him.”

“Yes. Yes, I am.”

Sehun takes his time absorbing this new piece of information, his gaze stretched far.

“Good for you, mate.” Minseok says, and gets back to his phone straight away, and looks exactly as though he means that. His reaction makes Jongin wonder why he had been so nervous earlier. He catches Chanyeol’s eyes and gives him a small smile, glad everything turned out well.

“You don’t seem very surprised,” Sehun remarks, observing Chanyeol.

“I’ve always sort of known,” Chanyeol admits candidly. “You just weren’t very observant.” He turns to Jongin. “Feels great to get the truth out, doesn’t it?”

Now assured that all of his friends are okay with it (not that there’s a reason for them to not be in the first place), Jongin’s smile comes easy. “You bet.”

He settles back down, slumped, relaxed, happy knowing that he no longer has to sneak around with Kyungsoo anymore. He can touch him, hold him, kiss him whenever he wants to, even if there are other people around. This retreat camp turned out nothing short of perfect.

No more secrets.

To: Kyungsoo  
i told them about us

When to come clean isn’t really something they have talked about, but from the moment Kyungsoo told him that he loved him too, Jongin knew it was okay to go ahead and let other people get a glimpse of what they have between them.

The reply comes right after he hits send.

From: Kyungsoo  
Everything ok?

To: Kyungsoo  
never been better :)

To: Kyungsoo  
i love you

From: Kyungsoo  
Very nice of you.

Jongin puts his phone aside with a chuckle. The rest of the journey is spent in silence, a lovely subdued atmosphere that Jongin definitely doesn’t consider adverse. There’s nothing much to talk about now after spending so much time together over the past few days. He tries to nap when it becomes obvious that Chanyeol isn’t going to be nice and lend him his Nintendo DS for a while, but his plan is foiled when they arrive back at the school compounds before he can fall asleep.

Minseok suggests grabbing lunch together to which Jongin opts for a raincheck. He waves his friends off and stands his ground, hands tucked into the pockets of his jeans and sneakers scuffed against the gravel, and waits.

Kyungsoo had sent him a text message earlier to let him know that his bus would be slightly delayed because some poor guy just really had to use the bathroom, and his stomachache had been so severe that the driver had to pull over at a rest-stop for him. He ended up taking a fair amount of time, and Jongin ends up paying this time-debt as well as he whistles a merry tune under his breath, hoping they wouldn’t be too long now.

He has plans to grab lunch with Kyungsoo, just the two of them, and then go for a swim at the country club afterwards. He thinks about many things while waiting, pacing. About Kyungsoo, about his friends, about how crazy the past few days have been. A good kind of crazy. A kind of crazy that Jongin didn’t realize he needed until now.

The last bus makes a neat turn into school compounds right when Jongin is about to send Kyungsoo a text and he slips his phone into his back pocket, straightening up. Feet at shoulder-width, position erect, hands still nestled in the confines of his pockets. The doors swing open with a hiss and he watches people file out of the vehicle, waiting patiently for Kyungsoo.

Something strange happens then—a flurry of butterflies explodes in his tummy, with such an intensity that has become rather unfamiliar since they officially got together and became so comfortable around each other. Now he’s nervous and excited at the same time. And he doesn’t know why he is.

Baekhyun hops off the bus first and catches sight of Jongin instantly. He shoots him a grin from where he is, a gesture Jongin returns. Kyungsoo appears next. Even from this distance, Jongin can see how his hair is adorably tousled. His heart slams against his ribcages, a wild attempt to lead him towards the man just standing there with a duffle bag hanging loosely by his side.

And the moment their eyes meet, the rest of the world blurs out of focus. Right now it’s only each other they can see, want to see. Jongin’s hands fall out of his pockets, now a marionette under the control of the universe, and he spreads his arms, all sense lost at the sight of his Kyungsoo.

Kyungsoo doesn’t dilly-dally and approaches him rapidly, their eye-contact maintained his entire way here. It’s not with fiery passion that they reunite, but a tender warmth that takes its time diffusing into their bones, joining their bodies and souls. He steps right into Jongin’s embrace, their arms wrapping tightly around each other, a physical affirmation.

They have been through so much more than just a few hours of separation because today, they finally came out to their friends. And for them, it is definitely a very significant milestone in their relationship. It means complete validation, a love that isn’t so secret anymore, but shared with the rest of the world.

“I love you,” Jongin whispers into Kyungsoo’s ear, and means it with all his heart.

Kyungsoo plants a kiss on his neck. “I love you too,” he says, and Jongin finally figures out the reason behind these butterflies.

Right now, they’re meeting for the first time as lovers who have received affirmation, who are no longer afraid of what the world might throw at them. Sometimes love alone is enough to conquer everything.

-

Jongin raises his hands high above his head while stretching his back, his well-formed body rippling with taut muscles. He tilts his neck next, using his free hand to pull his head towards the opposite side. When he’s done with the basics, he slips his jacket on and zips it all the way up, staring hard into the mirror.

The person standing before him is someone he still barely recognizes sometimes—in a good way. His skin is much darker than before, almost caramel now, from the vigorous outdoors physical conditioning his coach has them do twice a week. Swimming in college is an entirely different experience from high school; here Jongin is stretched unmercilessly both physically and mentally and it hasn’t been a smooth-sailing journey, but he’s proud of the progress he has made and the limitations he has overcome.

His shoulders are broader and stronger, his present physique leaving little room for doubt about him being a swimmer. If there’s anything worse, it’s his dark circles, more prominent beneath his eyes now. But they’ve been getting better over the past few days all thanks to a certain someone. Kyungsoo decided to visit a little earlier than scheduled, and Jongin has been sleeping better at night with someone else to warm his cold bed.

This is his first official tournament since he joined the college swimming team, and it’s a crucial one because Jongin hasn’t really had the chance to impress the coach when every other swimmer on the team is just as capable as he is. Now is the time to shine.

Chanhee slaps his back as he walks past, shooting him a grin.

“You ready?”

Jongin gives him a nonchalant shrug. “I’m about to find out.”

“Kyungsoo is looking for you, by the way. I ran into him at the lounge.”

Jongin’s heart soars. “He is?” he asks, dashing down the long stretch of corridor without waiting for Chanhee’s answer.

As promised, Kyungsoo is right where Chanhee said he would be. He barely gets a chance to open his mouth before Jongin’s arms are cinched tightly around him, almost suffocatingly so. His hands settle against Jongin’s shoulder blades, a soft chuckle easing through his lips.

“We just saw each other a few hours ago, Jongin.”

“I don’t care,” Jongin says, tightening his grip even more until Kyungsoo reminds him not to underestimate his strength. He loosens his arms reluctantly then, just slightly, enough to not cause anymore discomfort for Kyungsoo. The camera bag hanging by Kyungsoo’s side remains undisturbed.

“Everything will be okay,” Kyungsoo tells him in a near-husky voice, patting Jongin’s back comfortingly. “You don’t have to be so nervous.”

“It’s just been a while since I felt this, you know, competition thrill.” Jongin gives a small laugh, drawing back slightly so he can look properly at Kyungsoo. “It’s good to see you.”

Kyungsoo smiles at this. “I just came here to tell you good luck again. I tried calling you but there was no answer, thank god I ran into Chanhee.”

“That’s not how you wish me luck.”

“Jongin.”

“I insist.”

Kyungsoo looks around furtively at the seemingly deserted lounge and sighs like this is a great catastrophe before he leans up to press his lips against Jongin’s.

“Good luck,” he whispers, no need to raise his voice when their faces are so close.

To thank him, Jongin grabs his nape and kisses him again, just about to sneak his tongue in when Kyungsoo shoves him lightly. That breaks the kiss.

“You’re going to get distracted.”

Jongin can’t get mad about that because he knows Kyungsoo is right, he certainly will get distracted, but it doesn’t stop him from putting on a sulky face anyway.

Kyungsoo rolls his eyes. “Such a baby,” he murmurs in a resigned tone, and voluntarily kisses Jongin again just to coax a smile out of him. “I better get back outside to Chanyeol and Sehun. Your event’s starting soon, right?”

“In about ten minutes, yeah,” says Jongin with a nod of his head. A thought occurs to him as he stares at Kyungsoo, his lips curling into a slightly wicked smile. “See you later, my little honey cupcake boo.”

The only response Kyungsoo gives him is a punch to his belly, one that’s purely for show and without any intent to hurt. He shoves Jongin away forcefully and starts making his way back to the spectator stand, pointedly ignoring the handsome swimmer who stays behind shouting more cringe-worthy pet-names at him and roaring with laughter at Kyungsoo’s reaction.

When Jongin gets his cue to head to the pool, he does a final check for his swim gear and proceeds there briskly. The venue is much bigger than the one back home and Jongin goes to his designated lane, thankful it’s not one of the end ones.

He puts on his goggles first, then his swim cap, and adjusts both until he’s totally comfortable. It might take him some time to get used to this venue but the water will be the same, the pool will offer him the same comfort when he dives in, so he’s not very worried about the unfamiliarity and instead focuses on looking for Kyungsoo amongst the audience.

The whistle sounds and Jongin steps onto the dive block, his mood a little ruffled because Kyungsoo is still out of sight. He bends into starting position, and raises his head just once more to regard the audience. This time, a stroke of fate allows him to spot Kyungsoo in the middle section. His camera keeps his face hidden from Jongin, but Jongin knows Kyungsoo is looking at him just as he is looking back at him, and he’s unable to stop his lips from spreading into a smile meant exclusively for that one person despite having so many other pairs of eyes on him right now.

One year ago, he never thought he’d be here. Just the thought of continuing to swim in such a demanding environment scared him. But now that he’s here, he’s glad he made the decision to give it a try. It’s not as bad as he thought; he has grown so much as a person and Kyungsoo has been by his side throughout this journey; there’s absolutely nothing he can’t conquer anymore.

He drops his gaze, his eyes falling shut as the image of Kyungsoo standing right there with his camera burns itself into the back of his eyelids, and waits for the sound of the pistol. A blanket of calm settles across his heart when images surface in the darkness— memories of his dreams and his passion and all the effort he has put into reaching where he is today.

None of that will go to waste. He won’t let it.

Jongin’s body reacts the split second the pistol goes off, his reaction time now trained to perfection. With courage fortifying his heart, he dives into the impatient water.

 

END.


End file.
